Hey.
Wow.
Arsenio, I have a question for you.
First of all, thank you for being here.
Well, you're welcome.
Whatever.
Are you a vampire?
I could be.
You have been on television since 1989.
And you, remember his show.
You have not aged.
There he is.
Look at that.
There we are.
Yup, that's me next to him right there.
You have not aged.
It's insane.
And I feel like maybe you made a deal with the devil.
Uh, oh--
That's not an answer.
Where's my Ellen sweatshirt?
Oh, man.
Isn't this cool?
Yeah.
I didn't get one.
I got one for you.
And you know what?
You're all getting one today.
[AUDIENCE CHEERS]
Yeah.
That's exciting
No, you're not.
That's exciting for everybody.
Yeah!
Free sweatshirts!
Yeah.
Yep.
I only have two.
I only had two.
Oh, that.
We know you're lying.
You get one when you walk out.
Congratulations.
And a free mug.
[AUDIENCE CHEERS]
And you all get to go to Joel's house after the show.
Yes.
That's right.
All right.
You look great.
Thank you, man.
It's a pleasure to have you in this--
I actually met you recently.
Yes.
And was able to call you and ask you to do this now.
It was great to meet you on that Anthony Anderson
show, who's someday, his career will take off.
Yes.
He's not busy at all.
No.
Not at all.
Does he need another show?
I feel like he's being selfish.
No, we got to meet.
And I was so excited to meet you because--
I mean, I was a teenager when your talk show came out.
And then I was like, here I am, talking to you.
And I don't know if you know this about Arsenio,
he's actually this way in real life.
He's way too nice.
He doesn't walk up to a PA and go,
does this cappuccino seem hot to you, and then throw it on them.
And then they're like, it's scalding,
I would like it a little cooler.
You're actually the-- and I was like, why are you so nice?
And Arsenio was like--
A deal with the devil that I made.
Yeah, you made it.
But he was just like, you got to be thankful.
You just got to be thankful every day.
And I was like, that is way too nice.
Yeah.
Well, I am, man.
I mean, we're in a business that some people dream of being in.
And you actually--
But there's a lot of jerks.
Yes.
Yes, I think you were supposed to actually come to my show
once, back in the day.
I was.
Way back when I played, well, not really.
I played football.
But not as a guest, right?
Not as a guest.
In the audience, with a mask, strangely.
And I was on the University of Washington Football
Team at that point.
I was a young man who had knees.
And I was a terrible-- so we were all,
they said that was part of the itinerary
was to go to the Arsenio Hall Show.
And I was so excited, but I was a red shirt
and not very good at football.
They're like, you're not coming.
Maybe next year.
So we didn't get, I didn't get to go.
So this is the answer to like 1,000 weird prayers that I had.
I'm like, now I'm actually being interviewed by Arsenio Hall.
I'd never dreamt of that.
This is kind of cool.
It's cool for me, because I was a Soup fan.
Yeah.
And I dreamt that you were wearing a sweatshirt that said
"Ellen" on it for some reason.
And she wasn't even famous back then.
Stand up.
I hear you're doing it again.
Yeah.
I started doing stand up again a few months ago.
And it's great because the audiences are so, were
so desperate to see stand-up, you could be horrible.
And I told some really bad jokes,
and they were like, it's fine, we're still
just happy to be here.
And the hecklers were like, you're doing great.
Are you doing it again?
Yes.
I went with Leno the Flappers the other night out in Burbank.
Oh my god.
And you're right.
The audience is so happy to be out.
I said, hey.
And they were like, ha, ha, ha.
Nailed it!
How do you do it?
That's some funny stuff.
We'll be right back with more Joel.
We're back with Joel McHale.
The teacher hates us we're like the
Yeah.
We just tried to start the show.
And we were chatting and they're like, you're on.
So we had to redo it.
How old are you?
You talk like someone my age.
How old are you?
Well, I was born in 1939.
So I look great.
No, I'll be 50 next month.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
So here comes the midlife crisis.
Yeah.
How does it feel, though?
I'm 65, dawg.
So you get no sympathy.
You get no sympathy from me.
No, he has not aged in 30 years.
Yes, I have.
No, it's-- look.
I'm dying.
No.
It's very odd being this age because when
I meet people I'm like, oh, they're
probably right around my age.
And then it's like, no, no, no, I
was born after you were driving for 10 years.
So it's very odd.
It's fine.
And I've started buying stuff.
Because you can take it to heaven with you right?
Yes, you can.
I started Well, my wife was like, what are you doing?
I'm like, I'm just going to buy just this old car.
Is that cool?
And then, so I'm a poor man's Jay Leno now.
I've asked to borrow one of his hangars.
But that's my midlife crisis right now.
The day I met you, I think you were in an old Bronco.
I was in an old Land Cruiser.
Land Cruiser, yes.
Look, there's the Bronco--
Old Bronco, that's OJ's father.
Yes.
Different meaning.
I have a Bronco and I lie down in the back just
for fun sometimes But the Bronco people, the Land Cruiser
people, and the Blazer people are all very,
that's like meeting an Australian person and going,
you're from New Zealand, huh?
And then they want to kill you.
Do you collect anything?
Cue cards.
And on this one, on this one--
What an awe-- you must have so many.
You know what?
At my show, we used to have each guest sign a blank cue card.
So I have these incredible cue cards from Raquel Welch,
and Richard Pryor, and--
Wow.
It's just something that no one cares about.
Look, they, I care.
That's so cool I know you're trying to get to the thing.
Your people, If I don't say DC Stargirl right now--
DC Stargirl.
Yes.
--I'm going to be in trouble.
It's picked up for the third season,
and you're going to be a regular.
Yes.
I was just appearing in the first episode
of the first season my character dies.
But now I'm back.
So hold on to your hat.
Or your cosmic staff--
this is what my character holds.
So I'm Starman.
But Stargirl is played by Brec Bassinger, who
is a 22-year-old dynamo actor.
And when I was 22, I was like, I don't have any shirts.
And I'm just going to go out without one.
And so she's very, very, she's great.
And Luke Wilson and Amy Smart are in it,
and they're no schlubs.
And so I'm very happy to be a part of the show.
So thank you, Geoff Johns, who invented it.
It's the greatest show on television and streaming
that's ever been made.
So there you go.
Next to this episode of Ellen, hosted by Arsenio Hall.
And we're out of time.
More with Joel when we come back.