For a
lonely blind girl born into a family of twelve in the Republic of East Gorteau, life was
never something that mattered all that much for Komugi.
As the sole breadwinner back home, and as a professional Gungi player only capable of
making enough money to satisfy that family as world champion, the line between useful
and useless was unfortunately very clear for her.
In essence, her life was worthless trash without achieving this goal, which meant that her
life was worthless trash if she wasn’t the literal best player in the world.
As such, Komugi resolved that if she were to ever lose a single match, she would take
her own life.
And this, while admirable in a sense due to the conviction needed to make such a pledge,
was an act that diminished her own value.
In addition to being treated as something only worth the material wealth it gained for
her family, Komugi’s life became a conceptual thing to be gambled without hesitation whenever
she took part in competitive Gungi games, and something to be discarded were she to
ever be defeated due to it losing all merit as a result.
Very little is stated about Komugi’s parents, but this line here, and the way Komugi perceives
herself tells us all we really need to know about them.
And with no real capacity to fight back, she accepted this and embraced this lot in life
in a move of sad self-deprecation.
However, once a certain supreme commander entered her life, she slowly but surely began
to see the weight of it.
And by following her story through Hunter x Hunter’s Chimera Ant arc, we can see how
she slowly began to internally dance with the concept of her life’s value, until she
very much became someone at the heart of so much that the story had to say about gratitude,
connection, purpose, love and life.
Upon initially experiencing the story for the first time, I always found Komugi to be
really adorable, likeable and charming in her own way, but it took me a while to realize
that she is not a static character who primarily functions as a means for Meruem to grow - the
fact is, thanks to her opponent, she grew a substantial amount herself through their
games, and not just in terms of developing her Gungi skill.
And one of the primary springboards for this parallel growth occurred early in the relationship,
where Meruem bore witness to Komugi’s steadfast and resolute willingness to give up her own
life - something that he greatly respected, and something that keys the audience in to
the tragic elements of this poor girl.
Komugi’s constant self-deprecation does make for some cute and funny scenes, but the
meaning behind these antics makes them a lot more sad once you realize that she acts this
way primarily because her environment taught her to do so.
Devaluing herself, she always used the one thing she had as mechanical leverage - to
dismiss it when she failed, to bet it in these games.
Komugi was never scared of death and lived every moment with it lurking in her shadow.
But this made her a tool moreso than a human being in essense, and this attitude undersold
her contributions to the world and her worth as a person.
Because she has so much to give, yet no one was able to acknowledge this and show her.
She is kind and compassionate, humble and determined, and genuinely interested in and
caring for other people.
And while Meruem initially gained interest in her due to her Gungi skill, this all subconsciously
endeared him to her as well.
But of course, she wasn’t able to see this herself.
Because if you grow up being told that you’re only useful for one thing, and that your life
is trash, just as Komugi’s parents told her.. unfortunately, a lot of the time, you
begin to believe it.
Surrounded by people that don’t value you, you begin to see in yourself exactly what
others see in you, and if they don’t bother to treat you like a person worthy of respect
and love, you begin to think the same way and dehumanize yourself.
This is something similar to what happened with Killua growing up that lead to the lack
of self-worth that he struggled with.
But just as Gon was the light that helped Killua to move past this, Meruem was the same
thing for Komugi.
He may have done this in a much less orthodox way, but the impact was very similar.
If you’ll allow me to give just a bit of a minor thematic spoiler for Re:Zero, there’s
a concept from that story that I think applies to Komugi well.
And that idea is the following - that you can hate or devalue your life and yourself
so much because the you that you view is so flawed and useless, that it makes you feel
like you aren’t worth anything.
But the thing is, just as there are sides to us that others don’t see, at the same
time, there can be sides to ourselves that we aren’t aware of, sides that others see
in us.
Sometimes, lacking in perspective, we aren’t able to see the version of ourselves that
others see.
And that version that others see is often very worthwhile - it just requires surrounding
yourself with people who care about you to help you to see this.
Meruem saw so much in Komugi that she caused him to completely second guess his identity,
his purpose in life, and how he wanted to live that life.
And more than anything else, she offered so much and was valuable enough as a human being
to make him care enough to save her from certain death, despite not having been bothered with
human life previously, and despite having resolved to kill her himself.
Given all that we know about here, it’s not a surprise at all that Komugi didn’t
deem her life being in danger to be a great enough issue to disturb Meruem.
But HE DOES, and that’s what’s key.
It’s a sense of validation for her on some level, but more than anything, Komugi is so
moved not because of any of these deep concepts, but simply because in giving enough of a damn
to protect her and see her life not as something to be dismissed, but as a worthwhile thing
to be cherished, Meruem displays the greatest amount of kindness anyone has ever shown her.
Thanks to the unadulterated, pure care of someone who genuinely got to know her for
HER, who initially began valuing her because of her talent, but eventually was taught through
her that any given human is capable of any number of special things, Meruem simply began
enjoying his time with Komugi.
He enjoyed learning about her, and playing with her.
Gungi was his primary way of communication, but he genuinely valued Komugi because of
who she was, not because of her skill or her ability to win money.
And in experiencing that for what was likely the first time, Komugi learned to cherish
it, and it very much changed her.
So when presented with the choice at the end of the arc, once again, she’s willing to
give her life and succumb to the contagious poisoning of the Poor Man’s Rose.
Just as she was willing to cast her life aside before, now, upon hearing of the poison, she
doesn’t hesitate one moment in deciding to die.
But there’s a huge distinction there that separates this intent from the past Komugi
- before, she’d toss her life aside with no real regard for it, labelling herself as
garbage.
But now, through connecting with someone who loves and sees such value in her, she is fulfilled.
Living her life completely bereft of that connection and intimate touch for so long,
only to finally discover that the purpose of her existence is.. to feel this love, in
this moment.
There’s nowhere she’d rather be than right here, right now, and there’s no way anyone
could give her what Meruem has given her - a chance to find worth in herself, and to share
such a wonderful and strong connection.
She has experienced enough in life to know that she would never value anything as much
as this.
And so, in this moment, she has no thoughts whatsoever of abandoning Meruem, and instead
sees the opportunity to play with him some more as a chance for further happiness before
her life ends.
Once again, as she has done her entire life, she walks hand in hand with death and finally
chooses to let it embrace her.
But the difference is that at this point, she does it because the events that would
lead to that death would make everything about her life extremely meaningful.
It would make her complete.
She doesn’t think about the life she could have lead with Meruem if they hadn’t been
met with these unfortunate circumstances, but instead thanks the stars that they were
able to meet in the first place.
She doesn’t curse the short time they were able to spend together.
She doesn’t lament what could have been, and as the humble person she is, she doesn’t
view this as the beginning of something cut short, but as the culmination of her life,
and this perspective allows her to be thankful for having the opportunity to reach this point.
Komugi has never wanted for anything more than Gungi for what seems like an eternity..
but it is only when in the presence of Meruem where she realizes that the only thing she
could ever wish for was that which he was already providing for with.
And so appropriate, all she really wants as a reward for winning would be.. another match.
She was born to live for this moment.
And this viewpoint of hers helps her partner to see this beauty as well, to make this moment
much more comforting, and much less painful for him.
But this dynamic is a give and take, and in tandem, Meruem does more for Komugi than he’ll
ever realize.
Something extremely important but easy to miss about Komugi’s decision here is that,
as far as I can tell, at the time of this moment, she was still the primary source of
income for her awful parents.
She certainly refers to herself as the breadwinner in present tense when explaining things to
Meruem.
So at this point, without her continuing as world champion, they would not receive the
money that they coldly used her for.
But while she viewed providing for them as her duty before, now she does not hesitate
to die - not as trash, but as a current world champion and the finances that come with that,
which would leave her family without their main source of income.
Having lived most of her life acting with this at the forefront of her mind, there is
no way that the thought of leaving them high and dry never entered her thoughts.
She knew what her dying would mean for them, and yet she does not hesitate for a minute
not just to join her beloved partner, but to cast off the inhumane burden thrust upon
her by people who masqueraded as family.
To have enough self-value to reject them for the first time, and fully embrace herself,
and the one who truly cares for her.
And so, Meruem, through what he learns about compassion and empathy and love from Komugi,
returns the favour through helping her to see something worth loving in herself.
There are no concrete conclusions to draw about the concept of the afterlife in Hunter
x Hunter, but the romantic in me likes to think that through leaving one world hand-in-hand,
they entered a brand new one full of possibility in the same way, ready for another journey.
But even if that isn’t the case, and in the more likely possibility that everything
concluded right here, it couldn’t be any more clear that neither could have envisioned
a more beautiful end.
Many thanks for watching.