- Hey guys, it's Kat,
and it's time for the True Tea Call-in Show.
First and foremost, I am so happy
that you are here to join me
for this episode about transgender parenthood.
I'm really excited to have some of these conversations
about what it's like to be a transgender parent
because I'm somebody who has considered children,
but I know that the larger, stronger part of me
is not very interested in having kids at all.
I know so many people who have changed their entire lives
because they have children.
And I just, you know, enjoying my thirties
and you know, the resources that I have
that are not being spent on a child right now.
If you wanna know my full thoughts about this
please check out the podcast episode
that you can find on all podcasting platforms
under True Tea with Kat Blaque.
But I think that this is a really interesting conversation
that my audience is gonna have a lot to say about.
So I'm really excited to get into some calls
to have a more nuanced conversation
about transgender parenthood.
Let's get into some calls.
(phone rings)
So who am I speaking to
and what is your true tea?
- [Michelle] Hi, yes, so my name is Michelle
and I am a 25 year old trans woman in Denver.
Really loved the question this week.
So I am very excited to be a parent.
Well, I guess I should lead, yeah, lead with that.
I am excited to be a parent
and I think that parenting as a trans person
and specifically a trans woman has different connotations
than other experiences that,
I don't know it's hard for me to figure out
how to work through.
But I want to adopt my kids.
I've never wanted bio kids ever in my life.
I think, honestly that might be connected to
understanding myself as a woman
and all of that processing,
but there's an intellectual side too
of the process either way in my mind
it makes more sense to try to assist
in ways that are going to be helpful.
I think one thing that comes to mind often is
how folks view parenthood.
Similar to previous callers,
I guess I do hold a little bit of envy
for folks that consider parenthood
as a whimsical possibility.
- [Kat] Yeah.
- [Michelle] But the idea that it is a possibility,
in my book makes it a lot more intense.
- You're the first person I've spoken to
I'm realizing that was really interested in adoption
because everyone we spoke to today had interests
in predominantly having bio children.
I've never thought of having kids biologically
just because it's such a thing - [Michelle] Likewise.
- That I don't get it.
Like I don't want it.
I also don't feel the need.
Like as cute as I think I am
and as good as my jeans are,
unfortunately they're gonna have to die with me
because there's just not, just don't.
I could bless the world with them
but I think that would be too much really. (laughs)
- [Michelle] I hear that.
- I don't like the idea of me having my bio children.
It's never been a curiosity of mine.
I've never thought of it.
I think it's so interesting
that infertility is such an argument
that people make against HRT.
Because as much as it is a concern,
as we discussed with previous callers,
for me it's just something that like, it's a non-issue.
It's a complete non-issue.
- [Michelle] Yeah likewise.
When I started my process with like hormones
and the possibility of sterilization,
my physician asked me,
"Oh do you want to explore sperm bank?"
And that had never crossed my mind, ever.
- [Kat] Yeah.
- [Michelle] I don't want to go through that process.
And it's a non-issue.
- You know what it is for me
I'm realizing that this
probably makes it so different
and maybe this is probably
why I have such a strong disconnect from it.
I'm just realizing this right now.
Every process, every bit of the process
of me having a biological child
from beginning to end is deeply dysphoria inducing for me.
Like every...
- [Michelle] Exactly, likewise.
- Every, every step.
- [Michelle] Every single step.
- Like from beginning to end.
Like there's just no part of it that I wanna do.
- [Michelle] Truly.
- From even the physical idea of having a natural child.
No, thank you.
And then also even saving sperm
like that just for me,
I don't wanna do anything. (laughs)
- [Michelle] Exactly.
I'm in the same boat.
I have that same sort of gut emotional,
oh no kind of reaction.
I think it definitely informs my dysphoria.
There's also the element of that is a whole process.
It's a whole thing to do.
And yeah, I don't know.
I don't see myself in my experience
making that effort in lieu of adopting.
- Yeah and that's the thing.
Even though we talked about like
I reframed a lot of my my position on this
because I do think there's a lot of reasons
why people would opt for having natural children
that make a lot of sense.
We talked about with the previous caller
that with adoption,
there's a lot of questions
about the ethics behind it.
Having a natural child,
that bare minimum, you know, where it came from.
Then there's also, it's an expensive process.
It's not accessible to a lot of people.
And then on top of that,
you've got queer discrimination
against families where they can't adopt.
So there's a lot of reasons why they wouldn't.
But I think just for me, and someone commented this,
and I'm really appreciative of the fact that they did,
to me it's fascinating to watch people
who are willing to go to such an extent
just to have their own biological children
who find the idea of adopting a child
as like just something that they wouldn't even consider.
That's fascinating to me
because even though adoption's hard,
I also know just from,
if we're comparing it to IVF,
I don't know if it's that much easier.
Like it's definitely complex,
but I think for certain people
especially who are doing IVF,
it's probably going to end up
being the better option for you to adopt.
But, and I guess I feel like
I will always struggle having my position on this
because I'm adopted, right,
so I'm very biased.
- [Michelle] I hear you.
I hear that for sure.
- Do you have a specific connection to adoption?
Or are you just a person who wants to adopt?
- [Michelle] Yeah.
My youngest sibling is adopted.
My parents went through the process.
So I'm the eldest of six kids
and the process of actually getting approved
for adoption approved,
it is a doesn't catch everybody,
but it's pretty rigorous.
- [Kat] Yeah, it is.
- [Michelle] But it doesn't seem more rigorous
than nine months of gestating,
another being that will exist
on their own separate from you as a parent.
I think that is something that has really affected me
because having witnessed the process to adopt,
it seems really,
it feels like they're both processes.
And one of my younger siblings, him and his fiance
like my niece is from them.
I am so grateful.
When they were going through their process,
it was a lot.
And I think that even if we compare IVF to adoption
versus pregnancy and adoption,
I tend to compare pregnancy and adoption
as more similar than IVF and adoption.
Like IVF also, I've witnessed some close people
in my life do IVF as cis women.
And that is an unbelievably extensive process.
- [Kat] Yeah. Yeah.
That's what I was saying,
like it is a really extensive process.
And it's interesting
'cause there's some people
who really do not want to adopt.
Like it's such a non,
it's something they like straight up don't want to do.
If they can't have their own biological children
they don't wanna have kids.
And I guess that part's fascinating to me,
just purely as a person who's adopted.
I have been asking this question to everyone,
so I'm gonna ask it to you.
From where you are right now,
how ready are you to have kids?
- [Michelle] Currently right now,
I don't want kids.
I'm in my last like, semester of grad school.
I don't see it in the cards for me.
- Yeah.
- [Michelle] But if I were to plan that
in the next even few years,
I personally think that I am ready
simply because I have undertaken the work
of reparenting myself over the course of years.
I think that it's important
for any possible parent to really look at themselves
and their traumas,
the traumas that are passed down through parenting,
through experiences and reparent oneself
in a way that's going to allow your child
to flourish an uninhibited manner.
And I think without that it becomes pretty tenuous.
Like it's a crapshoot in a sense.
But I I don't think I want kids
for maybe eight to 10 years.
So eight to 10 years is my goal,
which is only like 33, 34.
- Damn, that's how young you are.
Yeah, that's right
'cause you are young.
Everyone's so young.
My followers are young.
I love that. I am young.
I am young, but I'm not 20, I'm not 23 anymore.
I'm 32. (laughs)
Anyway, I am going to end the show out with you,
but thank you so much for calling in
and giving me your perspective
and for championing adoption.
I really appreciate that as an adoptee especially.
- [Michelle] Thank you.
I really love it.
And thank you for everything that you do, Kat.
You're incredible.
- Aw, thank you.
Bye.
I really appreciate all of you guys
who called in and gave me your true brew of true tea.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me.
You guys can always get True Tea on my YouTube channel
the first Saturday of every month.
But next month we will be taking a bit of a break.
When y'all see this video,
I will probably be on, you know,
in New Orleans having a good old time
because I'm going on vacation.
Girl, I need it.
So we will not be back next month.
We will be back the following month
and when we come back we'll be back
with an all new version of True Tea
freshly shot in this apartment.
I'm really excited to show you guys
what my apartment looks like
once it's all finally set up.
And I'm really excited to start
this kind of new journey with True Tea.
So on that note, I will talk to you guys next time
and I want you to always remember
and never forget that you are beautiful
and you are loved.
Bye.