- My brother's in prison.
(laughing)
he just got a cellphone,
which was good at first,
but now he calls home too much.
Its to the point where we started ignoring his calls.
And now he's getting hostile and angry about it.
He tried to text me the other day,
he was like hey bro I called you,
I was like yeah man my bad I was busy.
He's like "doing what?"
I was like,
"nigga enjoying my freedom?"
like what do you mean?
(laughing)
I went outside
to run my fingers through blades of grass.
Picked a few daffodils.
I helped a baby bird back in it's nest okay,
like what do you?
Don't question me.
You're the one on timeout.
He's a gospel rapper,
and I hate gospel rap.
I think gospel rap
is the worst form of music on the planet.
Not because its positive,
it's confusing that's my issue.
My brother took me to a gospel rap party
and I didn't know.
I heard the beat,
soon as I came through the door
I started turning up,
and embarrassed myself immediately,
when the lyrics started playing.
Like wait a minute,
are we here to fuck hoes or praise the lord?
Like what you wanna do?
Like I had to make it rain on the collection basket.
That was not...
But that's how we grew up man.
My mom always took us to church,
and her assistant pastor was a ex drug addict.
He talked about it in his sermon,
about how he used to smoke crack
and have sex with a lot of women.
I love this sermon,
because the message is good.
No one's holier than thou, no one's perfect.
But also because he sounds
like he misses the glory days
you know what I mean?
(laughing)
when he talks about crack,
he sounds reminiscent.
The good ol' times.
Cause he gets animated,
that's his favorite part of the sermon.
Boy back in the day I was something else hallelujah.
(laughing)
I used to hit that crack rock
and knock down everything moving.
But now I'm saved.
And married.
I struggled with hypocrisy for a while.
Now I'm cool with it,
but my old high school wants me to come back
and talk to the kids.
I don't wanna do it,
cause I know they don't give a fuck.
(laughing)
Cause I wasn't at school when I didn't give a fuck.
I remember one assembly in particular,
it was sex education assembly,
and we could not pay attention
because the speaker was too fine.
She was like an Instagram model.
Like that level fine.
She was so fine
even the teacher bringing her up
couldn't do so professionally.
You know what I mean?
We got a special treat for y'all,
this next lady coming to the stage.
(laughing)
Dude you a teacher,
I don't know if you should be...
She comes to the stage,
she grabs the mic and I swear its the first thing
out of her mouth.
She asked us a question,
if given a chance,
how many of you young men would have sex with me right now?
(laughing)
- We couldn't believe it.
We thought it was Christmas in the hood.
(laughing)
We all start shouting stuff out,
putting our bid in then she...
(laughing)
Then she hit us with the bombshell.
She said she was recently Tested,
and she has chlamydia.
Now,
her intention was to show us that
hey don't act on lust first get to know your partner.
Cause you know health is status.
Her mistake was thinking we gave a fuck.
You know what I mean?
(laughing)
As soon as she said "I have chlamydia."
my homeboy jumped up and said,
"aye bitch ill still smash what's up?"
No regard for the consequences whatsoever.
He got voted most likely to go down on a homeless women
and he was proud of it.
(laughing)
he was like,
"Yeah ill go down on a homeless women,
shoot God made dirt, dirt don't hurt."
(laughing)
Put it in her mouth will make it work.