326.
300 and how many?
All right.
Jay, he's dragging it.
OK.
"Dear Elder Green, you are hereby
called to serve as a missionary of The Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter-day Saints.
You are assigned to labor in the South Carolina Columbia
Mission."
Oh, great.
There was never any question as to "Is this going to happen?"
It's "What is it going to be like?"
The location sounded great.
The type of people sounded great.
As a youth, that's all I'd looked forward to, is,
"Hey, I want to have those experiences, too.
I'm looking forward to that so much.
It's going to be the greatest experience of my life."
And so I prepared and got ready, got all my stuff,
gave everybody hugs, and then off we went.
The first day was kind of a blur.
And I think it is for most people.
It started to hit me a little bit that night.
It was the first night, and I think reality just
started to hit with everybody: "Oh, wow, my family is gone."
As I was sitting in one of my classes,
I just started to have overwhelming feelings
of darkness and depression--just feeling extremely overwhelmed.
And I started to doubt everything about myself,
about my testimony, about God's love for me.
I thought, "OK, what's happening to me?"
Eventually, after going through this same kind of cycle so many
times, I finally said it--"OK, enough's enough.
I can't do this anymore."
And so I called up my parents and just
said, "Hey, come get me."
And it was probably the hardest phone call that I've ever made.
I ended up coming home on my little brother's 12th birthday.
And I had to walk through that door
and see him with friends over on his birthday,
and him looking up to me with that look
of confusion and concern, wondering what happened.
And that was hard.
That was very hard--feeling like I'd let him down when he needed
somebody to look up to.
But from my standpoint, I felt like, "OK, this can't be right.
I feel like I'm going against God's will for me.
And so I must be betraying Him."
I couldn't even count the number of times
that I asked myself, "Did I make the right decision?
Could I have stayed out?
What could I have done to prevent this from happening?
And what could I have done to make sure
that I did serve that full-time two-year mission?"
And I've come to realize since then that God does not ask
us those kinds of questions.
What God asks us is, "How are you
going to get up and move on?
How are you going to become a better person?
And are you willing to let me in to help you
through this process?
And are you willing to let our Savior
in to help you through this process?"
And if we can just answer yes to that question--"Yes,
I'll let You in, yes, I'll let my Savior in"--we can be lifted
to such unimaginable heights.
I've had the opportunity to go through and be married
and sealed in the temple and have
two great, wonderful blessings of children in my life.
And those things, to me, are eternal.
And those things, to me, will be with me forever.
And for that reason, I won't let this experience
of being unable to have that two-year full-time service
weigh me down.
And I won't allow it to hold me back
from what I know I can accomplish with the Lord's
help in my life.
And for that, I'm just eternally grateful.