- THIS SEEMS SO WEIRD,
'CAUSE THE LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE,
WE WERE DOING THIS EXACT SAME THING.
WE WERE SAYING GOOD-BYE TO YOU, AND--
- OH, THAT'S RIGHT. YEAH, I KNOW.
SO--SO I'LL SEE YOU IN A COUPLE YEARS.
- YEAH. - YEAH.
[laughter]
- I MEAN, REALLY, THIS IS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE ON,
IS, WE WERE SAYING GOOD-BYE,
AND NOW IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN.
- IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN. - BUT THIS REALLY IS--
'CAUSE I WATCHED YOU TALK ABOUT THIS SOMEWHERE ELSE AND--
- RIGHT.
- BUT IF THEY COME BACK TO YOU AND SAY, "HEY"--
- NO, NO, THIS-- NO, THIS TIME IT'S MY--
LAST TIME, I WAS TOLD. THIS TIME I WAS ASKED.
- UH-HUH, OKAY. - SO THAT'S A BIT DIFFERENT.
- OKAY. - YEAH.
- AND HOW IS IT FOR YOU?
BECAUSE NEXT WEEK IS YOUR FINAL WEEK, RIGHT?
- RIGHT, RIGHT.
WELL, I HIT THE ROAD.
I FINISH ON THURSDAY, AND I HIT THE ROAD FRIDAY.
I GOT A BUNCH OF ONE-NIGHTERS AND...
I MEAN, I LIKE DOING STAND-UP.
WELL, SO DO YOU, YOU KNOW. - YEAH.
- THAT'S THE REAL-- THAT'S FUN.
- SO YOU'LL BE DOING THE SAME THING.
YOU JUST WON'T BE INTERVIEWING PEOPLE.
YOU'LL BE DOING A LONG MONOLOGUE EVERY NIGHT.
- BUT I CAN GO OUT ON A SCHOOL NIGHT,
WHICH I HAD NEVER BEEN ABLE TO DO.
- RIGHT.
- NO, I'VE NEVER BEEN OUT IN 22 YEARS
ON A WEDNESDAY NIGHT.
- YEAH. - IT'S LIKE, "OOH."
IT'S LIKE YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING WRONG.
OH, WOW... - YEAH.
- SO YOU HAVE TO GO HOME AND WRITE JOKES EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.
- YEAH, WELL, AND YOU LOVE THAT.
- I DO LIKE IT. IT IS GREAT FUN.
IT IS GOOD FUN. - AND YOU LIKE JIMMY FALLON.
AND I THINK HE'S GONNA DO GREAT. DON'T YOU?
- YOU KNOW, I THINK HE'LL DO TERRIFIC
BECAUSE, I MEAN, THERE REALLY IS A TRUE GENERATION GAP.
I MEAN, HE'S 23 YEARS YOUNGER THAN I AM.
- MM-HMM.
- AND, YOU KNOW, HE KNOWS THE MUSIC.
HE KNOW--LIKE I SAY, WHEN I SEE HIM DO A DANCE NUMBER
WITH JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE, IT'S LIKE,
"WELL, I CAN'T DO THAT.
I GET IT."
- YEAH. - SO YOU JUST SORT OF...
THIS SEEMS ABOUT THE RIGHT--
I COME FROM NEW ENGLAND.
YOU DON'T RETIRE AT 56.
WHAT, ARE YOU BETTER THAN ME? WHAT, YOU DON'T WORK NO MORE?
IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TELLIN' ME? HUH?
WHAT, YOU DON'T GOT TO WORK NO MORE
'CAUSE YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME?
SO WE'RE A 63, 64-- THAT'S ABOUT THE RIGHT AGE.
- AND NOW, WILL YOU WATCH THE SHOW?
WILL IT BE-- - OH, SURE, I ENJOY THE SHOW.
- YOU WILL.
DO YOU WATCH OTHER LATE NIGHT SHOWS?
- I WATCH YOUR SHOW. I WATCH OTHER LATE--
YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE TO WATCH OTHER LATE NIGHT SHOWS
BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT TO FIND OUT--
LIKE, WE LIVE IN AN ERA NOW WITH BLOGGING...
NOBODY EVER HAPPENS TO DO THE SAME JOKE BY ACCIDENT.
YOU'VE ALWAYS STOLEN THE JOKE.
- MM-HMM. - YOU KNOW.
I MEAN, IF YOU DO CHRIS CHRISTIE'S FAT JOKE--
"HEY, A GUY DID THAT TWO WEEKS AGO.
YOU STOLE THAT JOKE." NO, YOU DIDN'T.
SO YOU TRY TO WATCH THE OTHER SHOWS.
OKAY, THAT'S--
MM, THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING CRAIG FERGUSON DID.
I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.
IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING DAVE DID.
I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.
SO YOU REALLY HAVE TO BE AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS.
- RIGHT, AND NOW, HOW ARE YOU GONNA FEEL
IF YOU GO OUT AND DO STAND-UP
AND YOU'RE WATCHING THE SHOWS AT--
ARE YOU GONNA PAY ATTENTION TO THAT AS MUCH,
OR ARE YOU JUST GONNA WRITE YOUR JOKES AND DO YOUR JOKES?
- OH, NO, YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU DO LATE NIGHT TV,
YOU DO DIFFERENT JOKES IN THE SAME PLACE EVERY NIGHT.
- MM-HMM.
- WHEN YOU'RE ON THE ROAD AS A COMEDIAN,
YOU DO THE SAME JOKES IN A DIFFERENT PLACE EVERY NIGHT.
- YEAH, RIGHT.
- AND THE FUN THING-- AND YOU KNOW THIS--
'CAUSE YOU COME OUT HERE AND YOU TELL A JOKE,
AND THEN YOU GO HOME, AND YOU GO, "AH.
YOU KNOW, THAT JOKE WAS GOOD, BUT I COULD'VE ADDED THIS ON."
SO WHEN YOU WORK ON THE ROAD,
MONDAY NIGHT, YOU CAN DO THE JOKE.
TUESDAY, YOU CAN WORK ON IT.
WEDNESDAY, YOU CAN--
YOU KNOW, YOU CAN CHANGE IT,
AND YOU CAN TAKE WHAT WAS A THREE- OR FOUR-SECOND JOKE
AND PULL IT OUT AND MAKE IT BREATHE A LITTLE BIT,
SO IT'LL BE FUN.
- AND PEOPLE--I MEAN, I THINK PEOPLE WILL BE THRILLED
THAT YOU NOW ARE REALLY ABLE TO TRAVEL AND DO THOSE GIGS
THAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT
AND THEY GET TO STILL SEE YOU COMING TO THEM.
- YEAH, I MEAN, I LIKE-- I WAS ALWAYS A ROAD COMIC.
THAT'S WHAT I-- YOU KNOW, THIS WAS MY DAY JOB.
SO IT WAS LIKE, "OH, IT JUST LASTED 23 YEARS."
- YEAH. - YEAH.
- IT'S AMAZING.
I MET JAY-- I MET JAY THE FIRST TIME
IN SAN FRANCISCO AT THE BOARDING HOUSE.
- THE BOARDING HOUSE, THAT'S RIGHT, YEAH, YEAH.
- AND WE WERE DOING STAND-UP,
AND I WAS BRAND-NEW,
AND IT WAS A BIG DEAL THAT I WAS WORKING WITH JAY LENO
AND THAT I WAS ON THE POSTER WITH HIM.
AND HE SIGNED IT, "SEE YOU AT THE TOP."
- OH, THERE YOU GO. - AND IT WAS THE--
IT MADE ME FEEL SO, LIKE, "OH, MY GOD.
HE THINKS I'M GONNA MAKE IT TO THE TOP."
- WELL, THE TOP CLOSED IN 1984.
IT WAS A--IT WAS A--
IT WAS A STRIP JOINT RIGHT OFF OF BROAD STREET.
BUT, NO, NO, NO, NO.
BUT, SEE, IT WORKED OUT. - YEAH, IT WORKED OUT.
- 'CAUSE I ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE REALLY FUNNY,
BECAUSE COMEDY IS COMEDY.
LIKE, I ALWAYS HATED THE TERM "COMEDIENNE."
YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS A KID, THEY HAD COMEDIANS
AND "COMEDIENNES," WHICH WERE FEMALE.
THAT WAS-- COMEDY IS COMEDY.
FUNNY IS FUNNY, AND THAT'S--
SO THAT'S WHAT I LIKE. - YEAH, I KNOW.
I ALWAYS CALLED FEMALE LIZARDS "CHAMELE-ENNES" BECAUSE--
- "CHAMELE-ENNE?" - YEAH.
BECAUSE THEY WERE FEMALE.