I'm early 2000s Christina Aguilera.
Very cool. I'm macaroni cheese.
Do you mean you want to be my boyfriend?
Yeah. I guess so.
I love you.
Wait! Did anyone see you come in here?
No. It's ok.
-Ok. -Thank you.
Careful there.
Ok.
Your aftershave is so cheap. It turns me on.
Good morning.
Why are you in my bed?
If you tell anyone about this,
I'll destroy your life.
Did we have sex?
Of course we had sex, Otis.
I'm not here because I enjoy your company.
Look, I'm not having your pale,
unusually long children, ok?
So just go in and get it already.
Me?
I can't be seen buying the morning after pill, Otis.
People will talk.
When did you last have sex?
Last night.
Obviously.
Did you use contraception?
Yes.
I think so.
The prophylactic's missing.
Sorry. I'm not here.
That'll be £25.
It's his penis. He's paying for it!
I am?
Please don't tell anyone I was here.
I've no idea who you are.
That's impossible. Everyone knows who I am.
You did give me consent, right?
I'm just… I'm kind of worried you didn't.
Yes, Otis. I definitely said yes.
When I'm sad, I make out with nerdy boys.
It was 100% intentional.
Why nerdy boys?
Because they think they're in love with me,
which feels amazing
until they get clingy
and want to show me all their things.
I don't think I'm in love with you.
Sure you don't.
Milburn!
Hi, Ruby. What are you?
I'm early 2000s Christina Aguilera.
Very cool. I'm macaroni cheese.
Shut up and have sex with me!
What are you sad about tonight?
I'm a teenage girl, Otis. I'm always sad.
I get that you want this to be a secret,
but it feels like you're embarrassed
to even be seen near me.
I am a very private person, Otis.
Admit you're embarrassed.
Ok, fine. I'm embarrassed.
So, now everyone knows anyway,
I was thinking we could keep seeing each other.
You know, because I like having sex with you.
No more cars or toilets?
No. No more cars or toilets.
Why is everyone staring at us?
Because you're with me, obviously.
Why are you walking like that?
-This is my walk. -Well, change it.
So, tomorrow is purple day.
You'll have to wear something purple.
I don't have anything purple.
I left something out for you.
You what?
Don't you want to hang out for a bit?
My mum's working, so I'm making dinner for my dad.
He finds it hard to cook now.
It's fine, though.
Do you want me to come and help?
Did you want to have sex again?
No.
I just thought you might want help with your dad.
I'm fine.
I'll see you tomorrow.
But I would
like to get to know you better.
If you'd let me.
Why?
Because I think you're an interesting person.
I mean, you're terrifying,
but interesting.
Do you mean you want to be my boyfriend?
Yeah, I guess so.
Yes, come on!
How come you never invite me to your house?
I don't "never invite you".
My house is shit.
Ok?
People assume I live in a big fancy house
but I don't, ok?
So I don't invite people over.
Do I finally get to meet the famous Otis?
Otis, my dad, Roland.
Dad, Otis.
Hi. It's nice to meet you.
Ok. You've met now, so thanks for helping.
-Off you go. -Go?
But he's just got here.
She's such a good girl.
So kind to me and her mum,
which is why it's nice to see her happy
since she's been dating you!
Always going on about you.
Otis this and Otis that.
Oh my God, dad! Shut up!
God, my dad was so embarrassing tonight.
-I'm so sorry about that. -That's fine.
It's fine. He's a… He's a funny guy.
Yeah. He is kind of great, isn't he?
Anyway, thanks for helping me out.
You're the best.
It's no problem. I had a good time.
I'm glad.
Ok.
Night, then, Otis.
Night, Rubes.
I love you.
Oh.
That's nice.
Well, goodnight, then.
You said: "That's nice"?
Yeah, well…
I couldn't lie, Eric.
Well, it's not like I don't really like her.
I do.
But love is a big word.
And I don't even know if I believe in love.
It's all just a chemical reaction.
Otis, you're the most romantic person I know.
Maybe you just don't feel that way about Ruby, yet.
Which is fine,
but
you have to tell her the what?
-The truth. -The truth.
Because the longer you leave it,
the more hurt she'll be.
Yeah.
I know
why you're angry with me.
And I wanted to say that
I've been having an amazing time with you.
And I do really like you.
You like me.
Yeah.
I like you a lot.
But you don't…
love me?
I just have to say that in my own time.
And I don't…
feel that way right now.
But that's not to say I won't.
I just don't at the moment.
I've never said that to anyone, Otis.
I'm sorry.
We haven't been dating for that long.
And I don't know if you actually love me love me.
I introduced you to my dad.
I've never introduced anyone to him before.
We could still keep hanging out like we are.
You need to go.
Do you mean go just now or go for good?
For good.
People deserve your whole heart, Otis.
If you can't give them that,
it's better they know.
It's the kinder thing to do.