Vicki, I'm glad that you're here today. Because you've had a little bit of
experience with this. One of our viewers had asked "How to deal with the child
with high-functioning autism?" -Let's take that on. -Right up front Vicki, I want
to acknowledge that we had one of your colleagues and friends, Kristen. -Right.
Kristen Wilson was on... -Had been on our channel before talking about how to support and
teach children on the autism spectrum. Would you just queue up that video right
up here in the corner of the screen. That will bring it up for you to watch next
because she shared some brilliant insights. And she's really an expert in
this area. I think one of the things I got from that conversation and in
talking to you --let's focus on the child not the autism. -Right. Sometimes it's
really easy to just sort of lump or try to lump it all children with autism that
are on the spectrum into this one great hole. And it doesn't fit very well.
There's kind of a saying that's if you know one child with autism, you know one
child with autism. So, it comes in so many different packages. So, let's focus on the
child. There is more about this child than just their autism. And get to know
them. -And that's not even the most interesting thing about them. But
sometimes a diagnosis becomes an excuse or a crutch or some escape from actually
dealing with this child as a person in their own right. So, we'll start with that
acknowledgement. Now, there is some utility to a diagnosis into
understanding a syndrome or a spectrum really when we're dealing
with autism. -And that would lead us... Probably the first thing I'd say is get
some education. There are some really great resources out there to help you
really start to understand what autism spectrum looks like, what kinds of things
can be typical or can frequently be occurring with children with autism.
-Right. And you'll learn a lot from other parents who are
with this. Even though their child is going to be uniquely different from your
child. Their experiences might be similar. -Some similar ways that they've handled
some different things. And I love what you said about education, Vicki because
that changes how we feel. I remember some parents that came into my office. This
was probably 20 years ago. But it still is present in my mind because they felt
that they were failing as parents. And the reason they felt they were failing
is because their child would not even make eye contact with them. -What do you know
about eye contact and autism? -That's very, very difficult for a child who's on the
spectrum to maintain or really get a lot of eye contact. It makes them so
uncomfortable. I think one of the issues with autism in particulars it's a very
isolating thing. You're very isolated when you're a parent of a child
with autism. At times you can be. -Yeah. -Because for them kind of typically
speaking, a child on the spectrum doesn't really want to be around other people.
They prefer to be in their own world. They like things to be a particular way.
And so it's easier for them to be isolated which often gets the parent to...
-Robs off on the parents. -Yeah. Because a lot of the times being in a social
setting is really uncomfortable for the child causes more of the behaviors that
are more difficult to be around other people while they're happening. And so,
you kind of get isolated. So, get connected. There are a great social media
or I mean social networks that you can get in on. There are support groups for
people who are caregivers or family members of people with autism.
-Well, the isolation is really unnecessary especially in our information age
where we can connect with people so easily. You mentioned social media. -Right.
-Social networks that you can access through the comfort of your own home and
start to connect with parents and professionals and caregivers who are
familiar with exactly what you're dealing with here. -Another tip I might
share with you. Especially we're talking about people kind of high-functioning
autism. A lot of the times children or individuals with the
high-functioning autism. The social queues just aren't obvious to them. That
doesn't mean they don't care about it. They just have to have it pointed out
and taught very explicitly to them. So, if you have a child who's on the higher
functioning, you might explain to them, "Okay, honey. When you're talking to that
girl, you need to look up at their face and not down at their their body. And
here's why. This is how it might affect her if you're looking below her chin." You
know, I mean I know that sounds really crazy but you have to be that specific
and explainable why. -Because they don't pick up on the subtleties. -Right. They're not going to pick up on the
subtle cues. So, you might have to explain quite literally why it's important to do...
You know, to brush your teeth before you've talked to someone. Or to
you know... -I've seen it. You have too, VIcki. -Yeah. -Because I remember you sharing stories with
this where you see kids catch themselves. And it's like they'll start talking... -"Oh,
yeah." And then they come up. -Yeah. -And apply the skill that they have learned.
-Yeah. -Because you've been explicit about it and don't assume that they're going
to catch anything that you would normally expect a person to catch.
Because we're not talking about a neurotypical process. -Right. -Vicki, as
a general rule for parents, you have to take care of yourself. I think this is
even more important when you've got a child who's on the autistic spectrum
even if they're on the high functioning end. -Right.
-Because they can't be expected to take care of you emotionally. -They just
don't have the social wherewithal to take care of your emotional needs.
-Right. -So, you got to get really clear and really good about taking care of
yourself. And we've given lots of ideas of how to do self-care. You can google
that and find lots of things. But find something that works for you. Find a
support system so that you can pull away long enough to take good care of
yourself and come back at the parenting in a fresh new way. -Especially from the
emotional front. What do you need to do to feel good, to stay positive. And if you
need some help and support. By all means, get it. We
live in a world where that is so accessible. The fact that you're here on
YouTube, I think that's a beautiful example of how you can take care of
yourself, get the education that you need. So, that you have the tools and the
resources to deal with this challenging situation. -We mentioned that other video
about how to support and teach children on the autism spectrum. And really
Kristen does a fantastic job. She is an expert in this field. Go and watch that.
Be sure to reach out to other people who are dealing with the same thing as you
are dealing with. And also, get some coaching. You can find lots of help here
at our channel. Check out some of the links in the description for other
resources. We're here to help you do the most important job and that is parenting.