- Have you ever thought to yourself,
Damn, I have way too many friends.
I am so popular.
I need to start getting rid of people.
Well, in this tutorial,
I'm going to teach you how to make everybody
you know and love slowly drift away from you
over the course of your life.
Step number one,
talk almost exclusively about yourself.
You wanna develop a strong tendency
to steer any conversation back to the topic of yourself.
What do you have going on?
What are your dreams and aspirations?
What are you excited about?
What's something shitty that happened to you last weekend?
If you really wanna make talking to you
an agonizing experience,
then you really want to monologue about yourself
as much as possible.
And don't ask questions about the other person.
Be the one who answers questions.
You don't ask questions.
Do not under any circumstances,
give people the impression that you are interested
in them or what they have going on whatsoever.
How's it going, man?
- Hey, hey,
I've been better.
My grandpa just died actually.
- Grandpa.
- Yeah.
- We were really close,
and it's like the first death in the family.
So it kind of hit me hard.
- Yeah damn man.
Yeah, my grandpa's super healthy.
We're really happy about that.
And yeah, he's 78.
He just like ran a marathon.
It's like really, really cool to see.
Yeah, like man grandpas are so awesome sometimes.
Listen, can we borrow your truck on Friday?
Tip number two.
Talk about other people.
Now, obviously you can't talk about yourself the whole time.
You might wanna sprinkle in a little bit of detraction
while you're at it.
Talk about mutual friends or acquaintances
in the most negative light possible.
Voice your dissatisfaction and your disapproval
of their behaviors, their life choices, their outfits.
You want to generally give people the impression
that you're not someone who roots for people
and want to see them do well.
You really wanna be known as someone who is judgemental
critical and generally disapproving of the world around you
and all the people in it.
(sighs)
Jared's a good guy.
We all like Jared,
but he keeps on bringing up his dead grandpa
like all the time and it's super depressing.
Really brings down the vibe.
Tip number three, be useless.
Never extend your hand to help another person,
be incredibly stingy with your efforts
to contribute to the world around you
in any significant way.
Look to weasel out of work and responsibilities
as often as possible.
Let other people do the heavy lifting.
Say you have a talent for playing the piano
and it's somebody's birthday and you're at a party
and they say, "Joey, you know how to play the piano?
"Can you play happy birthday for us?"
That would be incredible.
That would be so amazing.
Say no.
Don't be generous with your gifts.
Don't shed positivity to other people.
You're not a monkey.
This isn't the circus.
Always keep your gifts and talents to yourself.
Tip number four, be a pessimist.
One of the most important traits you can have
if you want to be somebody who tremendously unlikable
is pessimism.
You wanna suck the life out of the room.
If you're part of a sports team,
somebody scores a nice goal.
And they're in the dressing room afterwards
talking about, "oh, what a beautiful snipe that was,
"dangled snipe Sally Boys."
You wanna be the person who says,
"yeah, that wasn't that nice."
"Like you could've gone top corner."
Somebody shows you a piece of art they've been working on.
Don't congratulate them if it's good,
explain how it can be better.
Always be acutely aware of the fact
that things could be better.
Complain, complain, complain.
Holy shit it's so stupid.
People are the worst drivers.
Man, I was stuck in traffic for 45 minutes today
it was brutal.
Excuse me, why is my coffee cold?
Oh, my back hurts.
Man, I just want to go home.
Always find something to complain about.
Call yourself a realist.
But in reality, you're a pessimist.
Tip number five, be close-minded.
Assume that whatever information that you have
in the present moment is the gold standard.
It's better than whatever anyone else has been told.
So when someone shares their perspective on life with you
always have a cognitive bias against it.
It's not what you think
so it's probably wrong.
Assume that because you read it in a book
or watched it on the news, that it must be true.
Never create a space for dialogue.
Don't talk about the nuances of a situation.
Close yourself off to that negative influence.
Most people are sheep anyways.
Don't let people influence you.
Psychologically lock yourself into whatever belief
that you have and guard it with your life.
Tip number six, develop a large ego.
Maintain a constant facade that you are blameless
and perfect.
Never look at your situation objectively,
be blissfully unaware of your flaws.
And if you do find some flaws, hide them at all costs.
You can't let people know that you're human
and just like them.
You're perfect.
You're a god.
A great way to make people feel
like they just can't get close to you
is to never show any kind of weakness or vulnerability.
This will help you not be relatable whatsoever.
Always build yourself up and talk very highly
about yourself, and be snappy and defensive
when anybody calls your perfection into question.
And that leads very well into tip number eight,
which is don't take criticism.
Just as important as maintaining the perfection
of your character is maintaining
the perfection of your work.
If you made something, it's the gold standard.
If people criticize it, they're wrong.
No matter how valid or constructive criticism is,
if it's directed at you, they're wrong.
After all, you're the one who criticizes.
(laughs loudly)
Man, I am so excited about better ideas.
We have the YouTube channel now, right?
But I want to expand into like bigger and better things.
The first thing I'm thinking of,
kind of a no brainer honestly, small business loans.
So if you need cash,
you are a struggling company, struggling business.
I would love to just hand you cash.
Obviously we take a little bit of interest.
That's the whole point of the business,
but so I just whipped up a billboard and Photoshop,
you're gonna be driving along the streets of LA, New York.
You're gonna see these banners.
I personally think it's a super strong design
and I just want to establish trust.
So we'd love to hear your thoughts.
I think it's pretty strong.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Honestly, before I show it to you
just know don't hold anything back,
be as raw and honest as possible.
I love feedback.
So just be honest, I can take it.
- Okay, I'll be totally honest.
- Okay, here we go.
- Hmm.
- Pretty good right?
- Yeah I mean,
I think it could probably just use a little bit of work.
- What do you mean?
- Like for example, the big bracket,
not a scam whatsoever
and you're like trying to gain their trust.
- Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
We want all the trust we can get.
- Honestly, I think you could probably lose all of it,
especially the not a scam whatsoever.
Just from a design perspective.
Like I think this is probably not trustworthy at all.
- What do you mean it's not trustworthy?
- I think if anyone saw this,
they would for sure think it's a scam.
- Like in what way though?
Like I put specifically,
like I see where you're coming from,
but not really because I put specifically
not a scam whatsoever,
so people should look at that and say like,
"okay, good, thank God."
- Right right,
yeah now I think I wouldn't think it's a scam
and I'd hope it isn't a scam
until I saw that I would think,
yeah, this is for sure a scam.
- Well, (beep) dude.
- Yeah I mean that's just your opinion of it.
- Yeah dude like I feel like I put a lot of effort into this
and like I know what I'm doing with Photoshop
as a YouTuber I do this for a living
and I just know what people wanna click on,
what people want to engage with.
And I just feel like this is a really trustworthy banner.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah so thanks for your input
really appreciate it.
Yeah thanks a lot.
Tip number nine, be flaky.
- [Man] You literally said, like, "yeah, for sure
"count me in, I'll be there."
- Yeah well, like, I don't know.
It's been like tough man.
Like my sister's like cousin's dog passed away
like a couple of days ago
and it's been really tough on the family
and I've been sort of,
- [Man] Your sister's cousin's dog.
- Yeah.
Don't be somebody that people can rely upon.
You always want to keep people guessing
as to whether or not you're gonna show up
to any particular thing.
And I think a great way to do that
is to develop a track record of saying yes to things,
but then slinking out of it at the last moment.
You're the guy who always has something that just came up
last second.
Oh, something just came up.
I'm super sorry I would have loved to have been there.
I know I said yes,
but I'm just so swamped with work.
I really wish I could have came out.
I guarantee you that if you keep behaving like this,
after a long period of time,
people will eventually call you less and less
until they don't call you at all.
That's perfect.
- [Man] I guess I'll just let you go.
Okay, all right.
- Yeah, man sorry that sucks.
We'll see ya
whoops.
Tip number 10.
Never assume initiative.
Always wait around for other people come up with plans
and things to invite you to,
never have your own ideas,
never have your own things going on
and never invite people to those things
because there are no things.
If you couple this with the previous step,
then when people eventually do invite you to something,
you're gonna find an excuse to slink out of it anyways.
And over the course of a long period of time,
people will just generally get the impression
that you don't want to spend time with them
and they will move on to other people.
So if you are generally tired
of having a thriving social life,
and you want everybody to just leave you alone
and slowly drift away for the rest of your life,
then I hope this advice will help you do just that.
Kind of a weird video today
I'm not gonna lie.
(laughs)
I do want to take this opportunity to give a big shout out
to CUTS for sponsoring this video.
I'm currently wearing a CUTS shirt right now.
And if you've watched the past like 10 Better Ideas videos,
basically I'm rocking CUTS clothing
in basically every single shot.
Their stuff fits so well, it looks so good.
And they're hooking you guys up with 15% off your order
when you use my link in the description below,
or use the coupon code JOEY at checkout.
And right now at the time of posting this video,
I believe they have a site-wide sale of 25% off.
So every single product on their site is 25% off
for the next six days or so,
six, seven days.
So now's the best time to pick up some sick, new swag.
And I don't think people have said swag
for like seven years, but yeah,
if you just want fresh clothing
that looks good and fits well,
then go ahead and pick up a CUTS shirt
and I can pretty much guarantee you
it'll be your favorite shirt.
And if you liked this video,
make sure that you actually hit the like button
because when you hit the like button,
the algorithm shoves my bald head
into other people's homepages,
helping them out, which also helps me out.
So it's a huge win for everybody involved.
And if you're lurking here
and this is the thousandth time you've seen my face,
consider subscribing
and subscribing to the second channel
where a lot of new content will be posted this September.
There's stuff there too,
that you can check out
it's pretty funny stuff.
It's good stuff.
Other than that,
thank you so much for watching
and we'll catch you in the next video.
- Did you get a new watch?
- Yeah, it just got it.
It's like super expensive, super fancy.
I thought I'd treat myself.
- I've been buying a couple things.
How how'd you afford it?
- Yeah, well, like I figured I'm starting to make
a bit more money,
so like I figured I'd spend a bit more money
too just sort of compensate.
- Yeah, just even it out.
- I was also meaning to ask you,
I'm like having a fun thing this weekend.
I won't get into too many details,
but I need just like a little bit of extra cash.
- I did like just,
I just gave you money, like the other day
kind of like similar level last week.
- Mmmh yeah.
- I can spot you,
but I think that you should really start budgeting
and saving.
It's a pretty normal practice that people have.
- Well, what's the point of like,
I got a nice job and I make more money now.
Like, what's the point of not spending?
Do I just like let the money sit there?
Like that's such a stupid idea.