- Now there's an old saying that we like to tell children
if they're being bullied at school.
Now repeat after me,
sticks and stones may break my bones
but words can never hurt me.
That sounds like a good thing to teach kids.
Bull (beeping), I'm sorry this is bull (beeping)
and we should stop lying to children
and for that matter, to ourselves.
Words hurt a lot and they can have a massive effect
on our wellbeing.
And this is what emotional abuse really is.
Words that inflict pain.
And rather than going around and pretending
that words don't hurt and we can just deflect them,
I made this video for those of you
who are going through a tough time right now
and are in a relationship where those words do hurt
so that you can finally open your eyes
and just finally get the (beeping) out.
Keep watching.
(light techno music)
Hey there, Adam Lodolce, I'm the founder
of sexyconfidence.com where I help you
create your love story.
And part one of this video,
which I'm releasing here on YouTube,
is all about what is emotional abuse?
And then part two of this video is only for
my Sexy Confidence Club members,
and this is where I walk through the warning signs
of an emotional abusive relationship.
So, for those of you who are watching this
and are not a Sexy Confidence Club member,
and you wanna watch the entire video,
you can click the link in the description,
or the link right up there,
and be able to join the Sexy Confidence Club
Members Only area, and you can watch the entire video.
So let's start with what emotional abuse is not.
There's some common misconceptions that basically,
weak people are the most targeted
for emotional abuse.
This is not necessarily true.
A study by a Norwegian Police University
examined thousands of men and women who live
with their partners,
and found something absolutely astonishing.
Women earning more than 67% of the entire
household income were seven times more likely
to receive emotional abuse than the women
who made less than 33% of the entire household income.
Yes, you heard me right.
Basically, the women who are making more money
were more likely to get emotionally abused
than the women who are making less money
than their husbands.
And according to the sociologists that led this research,
essentially, they concluded that whenever there's
a massive imbalance in power in the relationship,
there tends to be some emotional abuse.
And the astonishing part of all of this
is that the person with the higher status,
or the more power, is actually the one who is
more likely to be emotionally abused.
Because the one with the lower status is trying to
abuse that person to get their power back.
Mind blowing, right?
Another misconception is that only women
can be emotionally abused.
And that's not correct.
I actually created another video about
emotional abuse many, many years ago.
I think it's racked up over a half a million views
at this point.
And one thing that I noticed in all the comments
is how many men were talking about
the experience that they had with emotional abuse.
So, I'm sorry if I really didn't hit that note
in the last video
I wanted to make sure I was very sure
to talk about that in this video.
And finally, another misconception is that yelling
or big disagreements are emotional abuse.
In relationships, you will fight.
And sometimes, there will be yelling.
And sometimes it can be healthy to yell
every once in a while.
It can happen in a relationship.
That's not emotional abuse.
So what is emotional abuse?
Emotional abuse is basically verbal assault,
dominance, control, isolation, ridicule,
or really the use of intimate knowledge
for degradation, essentially targeting
the emotional and psychological well-being
of the victim.
And a lot of times, it's a precursor
to physical abuse,
which we all should agree is
a complete (beeping) deal breaker.
Long story short, emotional abuse is when someone
is consistently trying to bring you down.
Here's a common example that I hear
all the time from women.
Let's say John is dating Amy,
and John just constantly criticizes Amy,
thinking that, by putting her down,
he can actually control her.
He belittles her when they're alone,
and very publicly puts her down
in front of other people.
He's constantly blaming her for his own unhappiness,
and holding Amy responsible for his feelings of inadequacy.
And the worst thing is, when she speaks up
or calls him out on his behavior,
John makes her feel like she's the crazy one.
And what makes matters worse,
John has a total double standard.
He doesn't hold himself accountable when he does
the exact things of which he's criticizing Amy for.
He calls her stupid, retarded, dumb, loser,
anything that he knows is going to, for a fact,
hurt her in a very real way.
When they fight, he's manipulative,
and he'll say anything to win.
John will even go so far as to talk to Amy's friends
about what Amy is doing wrong in the relationship,
making Amy look like the bad person.
That is emotional abuse.
Number one, there's shaming and blaming.
Number two, there's verbal abuse, or name calling.
Number three, there's a refusal to really accept
his own part in the breakdown of the relationship.
He's not willing to try to fix it.
He's not gonna accept any blame for it.
Number four is that there's mind games and manipulation.
And number five, he's willing to withhold
any affection in order to get what it is he wants.
He's a manipulative asshole.
And just like physical abuse, once the emotional abused
person figures out kinda like what's going on,
and thinks about leaving the relationship,
what suddenly happens?
The abuser will suddenly beg and become
so apologetic and want to change.
And maybe he'll become romantic.
And he'll become very sweet.
And he'll wanna make you dinner,
and talk about how amazing you are,
just to bring you back.
Has this ever happened to you?
And moving forward, I want you to remember
this one tagline.
There is no excuse for emotional abuse.
There is no freaking excuse for emotional abuse.
Moving forward, a man should not be able
to speak to you badly because he treats you very well.
There is no excuse.
Write that in the comments.
No excuse.
I believe that a great relationship means that
a person must have a true alignment with the words
that they're saying and the actions
that they're taking in the relationship.
Creating this alignment is the key
to having that healthy relationship.
So I wanna hear from you in the comments
right there below.
Share with this community.
Share what it is that you've gone through.
Because, quite frankly, this is what
Sexy Confidence is all about.
It's coming together and helping those
who are in need.
And I know a lot of you who are watching this video
might be in a really bad relationship right now.
Or a lotta people watching this may have
been in a bad relationship in the past.
And I want you to be able to get out of
the relationship if it's not working for you.
And also, if you enjoyed this video and you
want part two of this video,
I would welcome you to be a part of
the Sexy Confidence Club.
Which is a monthly membership program
where we have coaching calls, we have a forum,
we have, of course, a whole library of content
just like this, where we're going to be able
to help you with your love life.
And, of course, we have part two of this video,
which are the eight early-warning detectors
of whether or not a guy will be an emotional abuser.
So it's a really important second part of this video.
If you wanna be a part of that community,
I'd love to invite you.
There's a link in the description,
or you can click that link right there.
Otherwise, please give this video a like,
and don't forget to subscribe on YouTube.
I really appreciate that.
And finally, if you want just a lot more content,
head on over to sexyconfidence.com.
We have a lot of great stuff for you there.
Thank you so much for watching, and I'll speak
to you next week. Bye-bye.