You know what's weird?
- Now the NSA can't see what I'm doing.
- I don't really think the NSA cares about whatever it is you're doing.
I'm pretty sure they have more pressing concerns.
[phone rings]
Oh, I have to take this. Hello?
- Ms. Akana, this is the National Security Agency.
[dramatic music]
Oh, hey Wendy, what's up?
So your ex called his best friend yesterday and I have so. Much. Tea.
Tell me everything. - I'm brewing a pot now.
Which means that I'm emailing you the transcript.
- You're the best. - Anything for you boss.
Oh, can you also tell your friend to hide the one on her phone?
She does some really weird stuff when she's alone, and we don't have the ability to turn off the cameras.
I was having a conversation about self-worth with a friend the other day when she said,
"Yeah, if my career disappeared tomorrow
I'd be a hundred percent okay."
And I was like, [record scratch]
"Wow. Yeah, uh. Definitely-- I would not feel that way at all."
One of my resolutions for this year,
and for the rest of my life really,
is to not tie my self-worth to my productivity.
And it's not that I don't want to be productive
But I also don't want to feel like a terrible human being when I'm not producing professional results.
But that has made me wonder. How do you even define self-worth, right?
Because obviously the ideal is having your own internal measure of success that is based on an unshakable
faith in your worth that no external factors could possibly affect it.
But really how do you implement that in your life?
Because I usually value myself based on my positive contributions to the world:
how helpful I am to humans and animals, and the strength of my support system.
But if all of that fell away,
would I still feel like I am worthy?
No, absolutely not.
I'm a potato.
And I have to really think and ask myself this question like,
What would I need to feel totally okay if everything was taken away from me?
And after a lot of thinking I came to the conclusion that I would need to feel that, at my core,
I am enough.
Just me as is.
No fancy career, no loving friends, no passions, no art, no multi-cat family --
If I had none of that to feel like I'm enough, I would need full self-acceptance and compassion and self-love.
But it's like, how do you even achieve that?
And that's an even more difficult question.
And I realized, after a lot of internet, and hunting, and book reading, and article reading
that it comes down to taking total responsibility for your life, your circumstances, and your problems.
And it means acknowledging that we have the personal power to shape our reality in the image that we want,
to stay true to our values,
to live in authenticity as much as we can, and to forgive ourselves for our flaws while simultaneously
striving to live wholeheartedly and be our best.
It means having your inner world be so solid
that the outside chaos can't even sway your belief in yourself and your inherent value.
[deep inhale] No big deal. You just do that.
And obviously like I'm not there, or I would be Buddha
But it has been a very interesting phase in my life
Where I'm consciously thinking about how I want to
shape my belief system to serve me as I move into my 30s.
And the tangible steps that I am taking to reach a level of self-worth that is
[chuckles] much higher than my own,
is to cultivate habits outside of achievement, because I am such an achievement ho.
So I'm trying to do activities that are purely for fun.
And welcoming stillness and relaxation as necessary instead of a giant waste of time.
Dealing with my issues instead of avoiding it through
scrolling through social media endlessly, or binging TV or alcohol.
And really connecting to my values. And even defining what those are and
what they look like and how I implement them.
Self work to self-worth is really hard,
and what I find most annoying about personal growth is that it never ends.
I mean once you feel like you have a good handle on your stuff, you're like, oh wait
There's another room in this house full of stuff I didn't even know existed.
But I also know that growing is a... big part of being a happy human.
So.
What about you? I mean, what do you think it would take for you to feel worthy
if every external factor in your life fell away?
And how are you gonna get there?
I'm Anna Akana,
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