Have you ever wondered what the signs are of a narcissist's smear campaign? Well, by
the end of this video, you're going to know what the signs are that they've started to
engage in a full-on smear campaign. Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% attorney and
the bestselling author of the book Negotiate Like You Matter and Breaking Free: A Step-By-Step
Divorce Guide, and I've helped thousands of people go from lives of drama, trauma, and
chaos, all the way to lives of freedom, possibility, and purpose, and I do the same thing for you
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Let's talk about a narcissist and the narcissist's smear campaign. You can't have a narcissist
without a smear campaign, especially in the discard phase of a relationship. Remember,
the narcissistic relationship starts with love bombing. Then it goes into devaluing,
and then we have the discard phase. And if you want to know more about the three phases
of a narcissistic relationship, make sure you check out my videos on lovebombing, devaluate,
and discarding so that you can learn more about that. And remember that even though
it starts with lovebombing and ends with discarding, they can be lovebombing as they're discarding
and lovebombing as they're devaluing. And it's kind of this toxic stew in between, as
one of my followers had said one time. It's so true.
But in the discard phase of a relationship, that's when you really see the birth of the
smear campaign, because when you're dealing with a narcissist, you're either for them
or you're against them, and you can't be, even when you're for them, they don't always
believe that you're for them. And they're constantly testing you to see if you're for
them. Are you? Aren't you? Constantly testing. And if you want to know more about how narcissists
test their victims, make sure you check out my video on how narcissists test victims because
they're testing you from the minute you are brushed up against each other. They're testing
you. But in the discard phase of the relationship,
when you're kind of coming toward the end, whether it's you are the one who's discarding
or the narcissist is the one that's discarding, you're going to see this birth of this smear
campaign because the narcissist wants to get out in front of this. They want to be the
one that comes out looking good. And you are the one that looks bad. So they're going to
do whatever they can to make you look bad. As a divorce attorney, I see this smear campaign
happening all the time. And so what's one of the signs of a smear campaign? You start
seeing like that they're emailing people or texting people or telling people that there's
something wrong with you that, in a divorce setting, they may start the seeds of their
smear campaign long before the divorce is actually filed.
For example, they might say something like, "Oh, I'm really concerned about my husband
or my wife, because he or she had too much to drink last night. And I'm just really worried
that maybe he or she is depressed." And they couch it in this like concern while they're
actually stabbing you in the back. And so what they do then is several months later
when the divorce is actually filed or going, then they can go, "Oh, so-and-so is an alcoholic.
Well, I told you that I've been seeing signs of this for a long time." And so that's kind
of part of the smear campaign. You start to see these little seeds being planted through
what they're saying, through what they're texting, what they're emailing to people.
And you might even see it on their social media and that sort of thing.
They're much more covert usually about it before the divorce has actually started or
before the real discard is in full play. And once the discard is in full play, that's when,
and out in the open, because you've either broken up or you've revealed to them that
you no longer want to be in a relationship with them, whether it's in a business relationship
or a divorce relationship, or they've revealed to you that they no longer want to be in a
relationship. Now they have to turn you into the enemy because they want to get out in
front of it. They want to make sure that everybody knows that it was your fault that something
happened with the relationship. It was because you were a cheater, because you didn't meet
their needs, because you're a liar, because you're the narcissist. They might even tell
people that you're the narcissist. Because you didn't do what you were supposed to do
or that you were abusive or whatever. Fill in the blank.
But they want to make sure that the world sees that they are the good one and that you
are the bad one. So what are some other signs of smear campaigns? Flying monkeys. They start
lining up their flying monkeys. And remember that flying monkeys, it's another word for
triangulation. They're basically getting people lined up to be on their side and see how wonderful
they are and how awful you are. And that way they can say things to you like, "Oh, everybody
else knows how wonderful I am. Everybody else thinks I'm a fantastic mother or an amazing
father. You're the only one who thinks, fill in the blank." So it's a way of isolating
you, a way of controlling you, and a way of making you feel degraded, devalued, and that
no one else will ever understand what you've been dealing with because everyone else thinks
this person is amazing. And they line up flying monkeys in all different
forms. I mean, it can be people that you were both friends with. It can be, if it's a business
setting, it might be clients. It might be other people in your field. It may even be
members of your family. It may be neighbors. It may be anybody who they feel that they
can use against you to hurt you so that you feel like everybody else thinks that this
person is wonderful. Even though you know the truth about this person, no one's going
to believe you because everyone else thinks that they're incredible. So flying monkeys
is a very, very integral part of the narcissist's smear campaign.
Another way that narcissists use the smear campaign, another sign of a smear campaign,
is being left out of things, things that you might have typically been included in, things
that you might have typically been invited to. And so you're left over here, feeling
isolated, again, like look at how they're winning and going on with their life and continuing
to have a fantastic time while you're left over here out in the cold being isolated,
and obviously, you've made a huge mistake in not continuing to give this narcissist
the endless amount of supply that you were supposed to give this narcissist. So you're
going to be punished for not continuing to do whatever it was that the narcissist thought
that you should do, which, by the way, even when you were doing all of those things, it
still wasn't good enough. So it really was a black hole to begin with, and it continues
to be a black hole. You will see that that's the kind of thing that they do. That's one
of the signs of a smear campaign. And if you've seen or been the victim of a
narcissist and their flying monkeys, give me a, "This stops now!" in the comments.
Another sign of a smear campaign is having their minions, their flying monkeys, like
check up on you and check up on what you're doing. So they might say, "Oh, are you doing
okay? So-and-so wanted to know if you're doing okay." Or maybe they just have them spy on
you by having one of your neighbors or friends or family members tell them what you were
up to, or maybe spying on you by looking at your social media accounts to see what you've
been doing. "Oh, I see that you took the kids to some place or something like that." "Or
I understand that you fed the kids candy for dinner." So-and-so saw that or something like
that. So they have their flying monkeys in various places, their little spies who are
either allegedly checking up on you or they're just straight out spying on you.
And the last sign of a smear campaign is what we see in the court system all the time, and
that is that they file things within the court system about you that aren't true. So they
will ask for sole custody, or they will say that you are an unfit parent, or they will
say that you are a wife beater or that you are an abuser or that you are an alcoholic
or that you're a drug addict and whatever it is that they need to say to gain some kind
of advantage over you within the court system. And that's one of the biggies that, signs
of a smear campaign within the court system. Definitely a sign of narcissists at work.
If you are dealing with a narcissist and you're getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist,
make sure to grab my free Crush My Negotiation prep worksheet. Don't go into a mediation
or any kind of a dispute resolution conference without it.
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I'm so glad that you were here and that you stopped by my channel. Remember, today's a
great day to start negotiating your best life. I'll see you in the next video.