-Welcome, welcome, welcome, to "The Tonight Show."
You're here!
Thank you for watching at home.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Let's get to some news.
Well guys, today was Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson's
final day facing questions from senators
during her confirmation hearings.
That's right, after nearly 30 hours of questions.
Whew, yeah.
Her husband was so scared to ask what she wanted for dinner,
he just ordered takeout from everywhere.
He's just like, "Yeah, never mind, never mind.
Do you wanna watch Netflix -- no Netflix, okay.
We'll just put a -- let's buy another TV.
We'll put on two things at once."
[ Laughter ]
But this is great -- according to a new poll,
Judge Jackson already has a record approval rating
among Americans for a Supreme Court nominee.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Right now, Biden's like, "Hey, I nominated you.
It's only fair we split that approval rating.
Come on."
[ Laughter ]
Yep, the only way it could have been higher
is if she ended today with a water bottle flip.
It's like, "Oh, yeah!"
In other news, despite the current state of affairs,
Vladimir Putin is still planning to attend the G20 summit
with other world leaders in Bali this fall.
[ Audience oohs ]
Which explains this year's theme...
"awkward."
[ Laughter ]
Seriously, what is he doing?
It's like getting kicked out of high school
and then showing up for the reunion.
Like, "What's up, guys?"
"No, you were --No."
Yeah, it'll backfire on Putin when he realizes
it's not a G20 summit, it's an intervention.
He's like, "Wait a minute, I -- I remember you."
Some business news, apparently Apple has experienced
two major outages in the past two days.
Luckily, the problem was fixed when the guy at the Genius Bar
told Tim Cook to just drop the entire company in a bag of rice.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, in the most recent outage,
Apple Music and Apple Books went down,
which means no one noticed.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Apple Books?
"Hey, look it up on Apple Books."
Hey, I saw that Taco Bell is celebrating its 60th anniversary
with an all-new vegetarian meal.
[ Cheers and applause ]
And actually, it's the first time anyone's ever
said "Happy anniversary" inside a Taco Bell.
-Wow.
[ Laughter ]
-Some TV news.
CBS is releasing a new dating competition show
called "The Real Love Boat," in which a big group of singles
spend nearly a month together on a cruise.
-Ooh.
-Yep, it's the only dating show
where the winner is whoever gets kicked off first.
[ Laughter ]
It's just like "The Bachelor,"
but instead of a rose, you get a bottle of imodium.
[ Laughter ]
And finally, I saw that today is National Puppy Day.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yep.
And not surprisingly,
National Puppy Day falls on Hump Day.
Oh, we have a great show.
Give it up for The Roots, ladies and gentlemen.
-♪ We 'bout to rock it ♪
♪ Hey, yo, we 'bout to rock it, my favorite cartoon ♪
♪ After marriage, the honeymoon ♪
♪ Well, me, oh, my, just gag me with a spoon ♪
♪ And who loves Popeye, it's Olive ♪
♪ 'Bout to flow ♪
♪ Chill out, flying like an Eskimo ♪
♪ Is a backstage pass to "The Tonight Show" ♪
Thanks!
-What a show we have for you tonight.
You know him from the bands Jonas Brothers and DNCE.
Now you can see him as a judge on the new show
"Becoming a Popstar," which premieres tomorrow
at 10:00 P.M. on MTV.
Joe Jonas is here tonight!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-I love me some Joe Jonas.
-Wow. He's the man.
-I love him. -Yeah.
Plus, he's currently on his
"Gabriel 'Fluffy' Iglesias" back on world tour,
and he'll be performing stand up at Dodger Stadium.
-Ooh.
-May 6th and 7th.
Gabriel Iglesias is here.
[ Cheers and applause ] -Yeah!
-One of the biggest comedians,
one of the funniest comedians out there.
And we've got great music from Wolf Alice,
ladies and gentlemen, tonight.
[ Cheers and applause ]
So, guys, we are smack in the middle of March Madness.
And every year we pick a team to root for,
and this year, we picked Gonzaga.
Okay?
So we gave out these rowdy rags to all the students
that are following the team around, okay?
And what we want them to do is, at a certain point,
just stand up and start whipping them around
and do something, you know, something crazy.
And so, far it's worked.
They've won the last two games.
-Ooh. -Yeah.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I'm just saying.
They were nail biters, but they did win.
-Yes. -Yes.
So, now they're playing tomorrow.
They're playing the Arkansas Razorbacks.
[ Cheers ] -Uh-oh.
-No. No.
[ Laughter ]
We have to -- I mean, I love them,
I hope they do well, but -- -But not too well.
-Not too well. Yeah, exactly.
We want to help Gonzaga win again, okay?
But I think we should switch it up.
'Cause right now we want 'em to sing, like --
♪ I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want ♪
Yeah, I'm changing that up. -What?
-Basically, here's what we want them to do.
Each half is 20 minutes, right?
So when the game clock goes down to 11:35 --
that's when "The Tonight Show" airs --
I want everyone to stand up and just take their rowdy rags,
and just whip it around.
But I want to, since they're playing the Arkansas razorbacks,
I think they should go --
[ To the tune of baby back ribs commercial ]
♪ Let's beat the Razorbacks, Razorbacks, Razorbacks ♪
♪ We'll beat the Razorback kids ♪
♪ Beat the Razorback kids, beat Arkansas ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
You're laughing.
What are you laughing at?
-That seems like a lot. -Wait, wait --
You think that the students -- -And the harmonies?
You want 'em to get the harmonies in there?
-You think the kids won't stand up at 11:35 --
-Oh, no. They will.
I'm not saying they won't, but it --
I don't think it'll sound like that.
[ Laughter ]
-It might be too tricky.
So at 11:35 --
-11:35. -Definitely 11:35.
Stand up, and what I would like you to try --
again, if we can.
Can we see if we can do it?
-Yeah. -Alright.
And the Arkansas fan, you don't have to do it.
You can sit in quiet protest.
One, two --
♪ Let's beat the Razorbacks, Razorbacks, Razorbacks ♪
♪ We'll beat the Razorback kids ♪
♪ Beat -- ♪ Stop. Just stop.
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Absolutely no.
Disaster.
It's a complete disaster.
-Well, it's a high harmony. -It's a complete disaster.
-Get rid of that high harmony. -They're never going to do it.
[ Laughter ] -Right.
And somebody's gonna have to yell "one, two, three,"
you know what I mean?
-That's it? -Well, just go, yeah --
-Oh, that's pretty good.
Stan up and go, "one, two, three," and don't say anything.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
-Yeah.
And then quiet.
-Right.
-Alright, so at 11:35 -- I'm changing it up.
-So at 11:35, 11:34. -When it goes down to 11:40,
and they're like, "Oh, here it comes --"
11:37, 11:36, 11:35.
-Boom. -Go, "one, two, three!"
[ Laughter and applause ]
Okay. That's what they'll do. -There we go.
-Forget about the other one. It's too confusing.
I apologize. I apologize.
Why would I...
-It was good heart. -It is tomorrow night.
It's tomorrow night, they're playing.
-What time?
-Uh, you've got to check your local listings.
-Okay. [ Laughter ]
-I think tomorrow, uh -- do we know what time they play?
-7:00. -7:00.
-Ooh. -On the dot.
But "at 7:00" doesn't mean anything to me,
'cause it's when the clock goes down to 11:35.
-Each? -Each half.
-Yes. -You got two opportunities.
Students, if you're rooting for your team, Gonzaga,
if you're rooting for the Bulldogs,
I want you to go, 11:36, 11:35, "One, two, three!"
[ Laughter and applause ]
Look at your phone.
Look at your phone or something, do whatever you want.
Act like -- yeah, exactly. That's what I want.
-And then imaginarily talk to somebody.
-And go Zags. Go Zags, everybody.
We got this, come on.
[ Cheers and applause ] We got this.
Sweet Sixteen, baby.
Guys, I have a book coming out, called "Nana Loves You More."
[ Cheers and applause ]
I'm very excited about this.
This one's $17.99.
-Ooh. -Yeah.
$1,799. -Wow, okay.
[ Laughter ]
-Look at what you get here. -That's a lot of pages, yeah.
-Look at this thickness.
And in there --
But in this series, you have Dada,
you have Mama, Baby, Nana.
But I'm going to get into it.
I wanted to have a theme week, a Nana theme week.
Next week is all, we're gonna celebrate grandmas
around the country, and we love grandmas.
And so, check our socials.
We might need your grandmas to participate
and do something fun for our show.
So, check the @Fallontonight or @Jimmyfallon.
That's gonna be fun.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yeah, that was a bad idea.
Alright, so, good.
Do "one, two, three," silence.
-Silence. -Yeah, perfect.
God, there's so much going on.
Did you guys hear about the Volkswagen recall?
-Oh.
-It's not good. Here, check this out.
-A concerning recall alert, impacting thousands of drivers.
Volkswagen recalling more than 200,00 SUVs in the US.
Reports found faulty wiring could cause problems
with airbags, windows, and brakes.
-What? What?
[ Light laughter ]
Aw, man, I just bought a Volkswagen SUV.
-Oh, sorry about that, Tariq.
-It's okay.
I still have my trusty Kia.
I love that car.
[ Light laughter ]
-Oh.
[ Laughter ]
-"Oh," what?
-Roll the clip.
-A massive new recall affecting more than 400,000 Kia owners.
A dangerous issue that could cause the airbags to fail.
-Fail?
Aw, man, you gotta be kidding me.
-Yeah, I'm sorry about that, Tariq.
-Now, how am I supposed to get around this weekend?
It's my son's big birthday party.
-[ Laughter ]
-That's nice. That's nice.
What did you get him?
-Oh, they're really cool.
They're these things called Digidots magnetic balls.
-More than 119,000 Digidots magnetic balls
are being recalled.
-Come on!
-I'm sorry, Tariq, I'm sorry.
I'm sure you'll figure something out.
-I mean, I guess I could make him his favorite breakfast.
He loves Kroger branded
buttermilk pancake and waffle mix.
-The FDA just issued a recall of Kroger branded
buttermilk pancake and waffle mix.
-Fine!
But I'll just check my fridge
and give him some crunchy slaw with chicken
and crispy noodles and peanut dressing.
-Check your fridge this morning.
USDA just issued a warning about the crunchy slaw
with chicken, crispy noodles, and peanut dressing.
-I'm running out of options.
At this point, he's getting the lotion on the bathroom counter.
-A recall alert about a lotion a lot of folks have
on their bathroom counters.
[ Laughter ]
-I'm over it.
My son isn't getting anything for his birthday.
-Oh, come on, come on.
There's gotta be something you can do.
-Nope. I'm done.
He's going to play with his old toys and like it.
-Well, what's his favorite old toy?
-His B. Toys Walk and Learn Wooden Activity toddler Walker,
of course.
-Another recall for parents to take note of
is the B. Toys Walk and Learn Wooden Activity Toddler Walker.
-That's it!
[Bleep] [bleep] [bleep]!
I'm out of this [bleep]!
-Okay, come on now, come on, hey!
Tariq, calm down.