(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
- "Yeah, we hung out and had fun,
but did I want to be in a long-distance relationship
with you afterwards?
No and that should be okay with you."
(soft music)
I tried to call him,
and he refused to talk to me on the phone.
(text message whooshing)
- [Interviewer] Do you have any breakup texts?
- Let's see.
Actually, I don't, I deleted it.
I was having 20/20 vision,
trying to get rid of my demons.
- Breakup text?
I deleted them all.
- I deleted them.
- I prefer to do that stuff in person,
or at least on a FaceTime,
(laughing)
not through text.
- Oh, I have the text.
Let's do it.
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
That shit was fun,
but maybe I should let you focus on school.
(text message whooshing)
She said, "Okay, haha."
(text message clicks)
(text message whooshing)
I said, "I mean, if you really need time,
(text message whooshing)
I don't want you getting bored of me fast."
That's what she said, I get bored fast,"
like oh, oh.
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
She says, "OMG, but okay.
If you say so,"
and I'm like, "Okay,"
and then we ended it there.
I'm like, "Okay,"
and then I just feel better.
- It was the most invested
I had ever been in a relationship.
We had said, "I love you" to each other already,
and then she texted me, breaking up with me.
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
" If I'm being totally honest,
I've had a lot of time to think about everything,
and I really only have time to focus on school,
and I don't think our personalities
click super great at this time in my life,
even though you're absolutely wonderful.
I feel like my only compatible personality
right now, for me, is Joss,"
for context, Joss is her cat,
"I'm sorry for the potential stress and frustration
I've caused you.
I hope you can forgive me, Sam."
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
"I'm super upset at life right now,
but I understand and respect your priorities,
and why you're doing this.
Kind of wish we could talk about this in person
at some point.
I have some questions if that's okay.
Hope you're doing okay.
Send Joss a kissy kiss."
Then we had exchanges for maybe a month
where I kept being like, "Okay, so can we meet?"
And she would be like, "Yeah, sure.
This week,"
and then she'd be like,
"Actually I'm busy, maybe next week,"
and I was really disappointed
'cause I thought you at least owe me an apology,
or something in person,
and I thought what we had was a little more real than that,
but yeah.
- Stuff kind hit the fan,
and her car got towed and she needed $600.
I lent her the $600,
and then on June 16th, 2018,
(text message whooshing)
I said, "Good morning,"
(text message clicks)
at 8:05.
No response.
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
"Hey baby," at 1:43.
No response.
11:30 PM,
(text message whooshing)
I said, "Goodnight."
Eventually, on the 20th, the exchange is this.
(text message whooshing)
"Hey,"
(text message whooshing)
"Hey,"
(text message whooshing)
"Hey you," smiley face, 'cause I'm cool.
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
"Listen, I'll pay you back as soon as I can,
but I can't be in a relationship with you.
It weighs too hard on my conscious
that I'm not a good partner.
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
"I'm sorry to do this through text,
but I don't have that energy for more right now.
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
You're free, be happy with someone normal."
Couple months later, I didn't get a text from her,
but I got a message from her email to my phone and it's her,
and it's like,
(email pinging)
"Hey Eric,"
(text message clicks)
"I hope you're doing well.
Also, just to let you know,
I should be able to pay you back next month.
Sorry about the forever wait,"
and I've still never seen the money.
She deleted me off all social media,
and that was two years ago.
Three years ago.
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
- "Okay, look.
I saw your phone while waiting for you,
and I saw her as your screensaver.
I don't know what's going on anymore,
but I think I have a good idea at this point."
And of course,
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
"What are you talking about?"
And I just tell him,
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
"I wanna know why she's your screensaver,"
and there's a 30 minute blank, no response,
but he leaves me on red,
so I'm like, "Okay, I know he's thinking of a lie.
I know he's thinking of something to tell me,"
and this is what he comes up with.
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
"It's an app I found
that changes screensavers like a slideshow.
I have so many pictures, I couldn't choose one."
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
Come on, you know I wouldn't do you like that,"
and I'm like, "Okay."
I knew in that moment
all the red flags were, in fact, red flags,
and this relationship needed to be done.
He kind of attacks me and he's like,
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
"Okay, believe what you want,"
so I send him three question marks like, "Whoa,"
then he ends the conversation,
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
and he goes, "Like I said, believe what you want.
It's an app and sorry she was the screensaver
when you looked,
but you know, I love you and wouldn't do you like that,
and it hurts to think that you think it's like that.
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
I'll talk to you later,"
and he put a period at the end,
so he was being very stern
because that's not how he talks or types,
so I knew that he blamed it on me
for believing what was the truth,
so that's kinda how it went.
He's still with the girl.
He reaches out to me sometimes,
he stalk my Instagram profile.
- So I said,
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
"There's something I've been wanting to tell you,
but it's something that
(sniffing)
should be said in person.
Are you doing anything on Saturday?"
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
And then I said, "Or would you rather not see me?"
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
And he said, "I really don't wanna see you.
I'm sorry."
(sniffing)
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
I said, "I understand it's a lot."
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
And he said, "Just tell me shit or don't tell me at all."
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
And I said, "Okay, let me type it up."
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
He said, "Okay, don't tell me at all.
Goodbye, Anna."
(sniffing)
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
And then I said, "It's something I need to say,
but I'm gonna tell you just gimme a few minutes,"
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
and he said, "Dude, really Anna?
This is ridiculous,"
and I'm trying to type it up,
(sniffing)
but I kind of learned it just has to be short and sweet.
It can't be me saying I'm in pain or I'm going through this,
so I said,
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
"Long story short, since you don't want the full story,
is I was having a miscarriage the week we broke up.
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
I didn't know until last Friday,"
and he said,
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
"Okay, Anna, I'm really sorry about that."
I said,
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
"I probably should have kept that to myself."
(text message whooshing)
He said, "No, it's okay.
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
I'm gonna go to sleep though,"
and I said,
(text message whooshing) (text message clicks)
"That hurts" because it's like
(sniffing)
I didn't even know that I was pregnant beforehand.
(sniffing)
(exhaling)
It was hard and so I wanted to reach out to him.
I don't know.
I don't know why I thought he would care,
and I don't know why I wanted him to care too,
because obviously we weren't, no matter what,
we weren't gonna be together,
I was just
(sniffing)
going through something like that
really changes your head,
and
(sniffing)
so...
It's hard to move on
when there's that constant reminder
of what could have been,
and
(sniffing)
what I went through and so I'm feeling hopeful,
(laughing)
but
(sniffing)
it's just hard sometimes.
Yeah.
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
(text message whooshing)
(text message clicks)
(upbeat music)
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