Now, the thing is, viewers, whenever you watch Police Camera Action,
or see a real police chase,
the person trying to get away is always going ludicrously fast,
but, actually, what's the point? You'd just panic and have an accident
and that's the end of that, but if you just do normal speed...
they still can't get you out of the car, can they?
Keen to prove him wrong, I initiated the TGPD anti-terrorism move.
Here we go.
Pushing, pushing.
Got him.
He's just driven off!
As the hours crawled by, we tried many things.
-Stop him! Stop him, Constable! -How's that going to help?
I'm falling off the bonnet!
What do you do if the doors are locked? You can't pull a man out of a car.
This is an arrest.
Happily, though, after many hours of tedious pursuit...
Weaving, weaving...
...James finally made a mistake.
Oh, crikey, this is a dead end.
Yes, his sense of direction has let him down. Aha!
In we go, yes.
Oh, bollocks!
We've got him! We finally have him.
We don't have him! He's closed my door.
He's done it again.
And now, look. I've damaged a police car.
This meant I was now delayed with police paperwork.
I were in pursuit of a pleb...
IC1, male.
He did... crash into me at speed.
I'm going to get that bastard!
Whilst Jeremy had been finessing his statement...
I had decided it was time to skewer May with the TGPD prongs of doom.
It's a heavy, high-mobility engineer excavator,
and it's built by JCB for the military.
It weighs 13.5 tonnes, but it's got a 6.7 litre straight-six turbo-diesel...
and it can do 63 miles an hour.
James May, you've had it...
wherever you are.
James had vanished...
but we had just the thing to find him again.
The time has come, I think, to deploy
the Top Gear Police Department drone of intrusiveness.
With its military-spec nose-mounted reconnaissance camera,
it would track down May in a heartbeat.
Here we go.
The drone of intrusiveness has crashed.
Eventually I got the drone airborne and begun the hunt for OJ May.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Oh, you sneaky little...
James was hiding in an abandoned garage bay...
but if he thought he was safe there, he had another think coming.
Welcome, everyone, to the Top Gear Police Department eaty thing of devastation.
This was designed primarily for mine clearance, but in the TGPD,
we use it in a rather different way.
There is Constable Hammond.
The enemy, behind that wall, no idea what is coming.
Engaging flails!
Flails engaged!
I'm not sure he should be operating that thing.
Yes, look at that!
He's not where he...
What he isn't, sir, is there.
Situation update: in three minutes' time,
I will have beaten Jeremy's record on the run at a reasonable speed.
But the TGPD toy box wasn't empty yet.
Whoa!
Oh, hello, it looks like Constable Hammond's got the hang of tank driving.
The first thing you need to know is, I have an erection!
Coming at you, James May!
Oh, no, the Top Gear Police Department tank of righteousness is right on my tail.
What am I going to do?
I know.
Easy.
Right!
Oh, hang on a minute.
He's stopped. He's given up!
And on that bombshell... back to the studio.