WELL, WE'VE GOT A BIG FRIDAY
NIGHT REET FOR EVERYBODY BECAUSE
MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS THE
VERY FUNNY HOST OF "FULL
FRONTAL" WITH SAMANTHA BEE.
PLEASE WELCOME SAMANTHA BEE!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> OH!
I LOVE A FRIDAY CROWD,ED FROM
CROWD.
>> Stephen: ISN'T THAT NICE.
SO NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
>> SO NICE TO SEE YOU.
SO HAPPY TO BE HERE.
>> Stephen: HAVING YOU ON THE
SHOW IS ALL LUKE A VACATION FOR
ME PAUSE YOU DO AN INCREDIBLE
SHOW.
CONGRATULATIONS, YOU JUST CRUSH
IT.
>> THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
AS I CAME HERE, I WAS KITTING IN
THE GREEN ROOM, AND I REMEMBER
YOU GAVE ME THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
GIFT I HAVE KEPT FROM BEFORE
SHOW LAUNCHED, YOU SENT A
BEAUTIFUL GIFT BASKET-- WHATEVER
IT WAS-- BUT YOU ALSO SENT A
BEAUTIFUL GIFT CARD.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT SAID ON IT?
"GO GET THOSE BASTARDS."
>> Stephen: THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT'S WHAT WE'D SAY ON "THE
DAILY SHOW" WHEN YOU WENT OUT TO
DO A FIELD PIECE, "GO GET THOSE
BASTARDS?
>> I LOOK AT IT EVERY DAY.
THERE'S MY SHINING STAR.
>> Stephen: BACK ON "THE DAILY
SHOW "WHEN WE SAID GET THOSE
BAFT ARTS IT WAS PEOPLE WHO
BELIEVED IN BIG FOOT.
NOW WE HAVE PEOPLE TO GO AFTER
THIS TIME.
ARE YOU ENJOYING-- I MEAN THE
THE SHOW IS GREAT, BUT ARE YOU
ACTUALLY ENJOYING THIS CAMPAIGN?
BECAUSE IT'S A DOUBLE-EDGED
SWORD BECAUSE YOU GET TO MAKE
GREAT JONES ABOUT SOMEBODY LIKE
DONALD TRUMP.
ON THE OTHER HAND, HE COULD BE
PRESIDENT.
>> "ENJOY" IS A STRONG WORD.
>> Stephen: YES.
>> I MEAN, IT IS-- IT'S CERTAIN
A BUFFET OF WONDERFUL THINGS TO
DRAW UPON TO MAKE A COMEDY SHOW.
>> Stephen: UH-HUH.
>> I WANT IT TO BE OVER SO
BADLY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE!
I WANT AMERICA TO BE HAPPY
AGAIN.
>> Stephen: WELL, WERE YOU
NERVOUS, LIKE, WERE YOU NEVER
GOING INTO DEBATE ON MONDAY?
A LOT OF PEOPLE WERE NERVOUS HE
WOULD COME ACROSS AS --
>> I WAS EXTREMELY NERVOUS.
WE HAD TERRIBLE ANXIETY IN OUR
OFFICES ALL DAY.
WE WERE ALL VERY PALE.
WE'RE ALL VERY DRAWN.
WE WERE CEEND OF SHIVERING.
IT WAS KIND OF TERRIBLE.
>> Stephen: HOW DO YOU THINK
IT WENT?
THERE ARE POLLS AND THERE ARE
PEOPLE SPINNING EITHER WAY.
HOW DO YOU THINK IT WENT?
>> I ACTUALLY THOUGHT IT WENT
VERY WELL.
I ACTUALLY WAS VERY HAPPY WITH
THE OUTCOME.
I ENSCWOID, YOU KNOW, IN AFTER--
I FELT THAT TRUMP PEELED AWAY
THE LAYERS OF THE ONION-- I FELT
THAT HE REVEALED HIMSELF IN
SMALL WAYS THROUGHOUT THE DEBATE
IN A WAY THAT I REALLY DID-- I
FELL-- I FELT QUITE-- I FELT
QUITE GOOD ABOUT TA.
THAT WAS NICE.
AND THEN, OF COURSE, HE WENT ON
"FOX AND FRIENDS" THE NEXT
MORNING CAN REVEED EVEN MORE
LAYERS.
SO IT WAS GREAT.
>> Stephen: HE SAID THE FIX
WAS IN.
>> UH-HUH, YEAH, YEAH, SO WE'LL
SEE HOW IT ALL WORKS OUT.
HA-HA!
WE'RE GOING TO BE FINE.
>> Stephen: NEXT WEEK IS THE
THE VICE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE.
>> OH, YEAH...
>> Stephen: NOT AS-- NOAS HIGH
STAKES.
>> NOT AS HIGH-- STILL
IMPORTANT.
>> Stephen: STILL IMPORTANT
BECAUSE EITHER ONE OF THOSE
PEOPLE--
>> COULD BE PRESIDENT.
AND IN FACT-- DIDN'T-- I FEEL
LIKE DONALD TRUMP HAS SAID THAT
MIKE PENCE WILL BE HIS DE FACTO
PRESIDENT.
I MEAN, WHILE HE'S BUSY MAKING
AMERICA GREAT, MIKE'S GOING TO
BE TAKING CARE OF ALL THE POLICY
AND ALL THAT OTHER ( BLEEP ).
>> Stephen: THE WORD IS DONALD
TRUMP JR SAID WHOEVER IS
PRESIDENT WILL BE BEST PRESIDENT
EVER.
>> MAYBE WE SHOULD KEEP OUR EYES
ON HIM.
>> Stephen: THEY'RE NOT
BIGGEST FIRE BRANDS MET WORD,
MIKE PENCE AND TIM KAINE.
>> MAYBE THEY'LL HAVE A BANJO
DUEL.
>> Stephen: BANJO DUEL?
I WOULD WATCH THAT.
>> THAT WOULD BE AMAZING.
>> Stephen: THAT WOULD BE
FANTASTIC.
THERE IS A SLIGHTLY INBRED
QUALITY THERE.
>> I FEEL LIKE THAT'S A DEBATE I
COWED MODERATE, IN SOME WAYS.
>> Stephen: COPEOPLE EVER SAY
TO YOU, "YOU SHOULD MOD RATE A
DEBATE."
>> YES, BUT THEY DON'T MEAN IT.
>> Stephen: YES, THEY DO.
>> THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE
SAYING.
>> Stephen: YES, THEY DO.
>> I WOULD DISAVOW THEM OF THAT
NOTION QUICKLY, UNLESS IT'S A
BANJO DEBATE.
>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE ANY
QUESTIONS UP TO ASK THEM?
>> I JUST WANT TO WATCH WHAT
THEY DO AND I WANT SOMEONE ELSE
TO TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS AND DO
THEIR JOBS --
>> HOW ABOUT A FIGHT IN THE PIT?
>> THAT WOULD BE AMAZING.
I WOULD APPRECIATE THAT.
LET'S GREASE THEM UP.
( LAUGHTER )
BACON GREASE.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN DO THAT.
YOU CAN BE GREASE GIRL.
GREASE THEM UP, AND SOMEBODY
ELSE CAN MODERATE.
"I'LL BE WITH YOU, IN JUST A
MOMENT, ANDERSON COOPER."
>> OH!
>> Stephen: TALK ABOUT YOUR
SEXY SELF.
>> OH, LOOK AT THAT!
LOOK AT THAT!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
SEE?
WHY AM I ALWAYS-- MY HANDS ARE
DOING THIS.
>> Stephen: YOU WERE HOLDING
UP-- YOU WERE HOLDING UP
IMAGINARY BREASTS.
>> I'M HOLDING UP MYSELF.
DO YOU SEE MY HAIR?
IT'S SO LUSCIOUS.
>> Stephen: YOU DO.
>> I HAVE EXTRA HAIR IN THERE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S EXTRA.
THAT'S MOTT YOUR HAIR?
>> I LIKE MY HAIR, BUT THEY PUT
EXTRA HAIR IN THERE SO I LOOK
LIKE A FADED 1977s COUNTRY
MUSIC STAR LIKE FALLEN ON HARD
TIMES AND JUST, LIKE, SLID DOWN
THE WALL.
>> Stephen: SURE.
>> SHOES ARE OFF.
>> Stephen: A LITTLE TAMMY
WYNETTE.
>> A LIL BIT.
I DONATED HAIR-- DO YOU DO THIS
FOR THE SHOW OR DO YOU JUST DO
IT FOR PHOTO SHOOTS?
>> MOW, I HAD NEVER CONDITION IT
BEFORE.
I HAD EXTRA HAIR JUST FOR WHAT.
I DONATED THAT POPEOPLE AT WORK.
>> Stephen: SOMEONE HANDED ME
THIS PHOTO.
I WASN'T ENTIRELY SURE WHAT TO
MAKE OF IT.
IS THAT WHAT THIS IS?
>> OH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: IS THAT A CURTAIN
MADE OUT OF YOUR FORMER AIR
EXTENSIONS.
>> THAT'S A CURTAIN-- YEAH.
>> Stephen: RIGHT THERE.
>> WE HAVE OUR OFFICE SET UP
LIKE A CUBICLE MATRIX.
SO SHE PUSHED PANELS OUT SO SHE
COULD HAVE HELP RELATIONS WITH
OTHER PEOPLE AND PUT MY HAIR UP
AS A BEAUTIFUL CURTAIN.
>> Stephen: I HAVE TO SAY
HAVING YOUR HAIR UP THERE DOES
NOT ADD TO THE DESIRE TO HAVE
HELP RELATIONS WITH OTHER
PEOPLE.
SHE LOOKS LIKE A TROPHY--
>> IT'S NOT PUBIC HAIR, STEPHEN.
IT'S JUST HAIR-HAIR.
>> Stephen: CAN YOU GET PUBIC
HAIR EXTENSIONS?
>> I THINK YOU CAN GET ANYTHING
YOU WANT.
>> Stephen: REALLY?
>> YES, YOU CAN.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN.
>> WE LIVE IN THAT CEEND OF A
WORLD.
>> Stephen: CAN YOU EXPLAIN
WHY RYAN LOCHTE IS IN YOUR
OFFICE?
>> FOR INSPIRATIONAL PURPOSES
AND TO --
>> WHY IS THERE A NAKED RYAN
LOCHTE IN YOUR OFFICE?
>> HE SITS OPPOSITE A LARM
PORTRAIT I HAVE OF A HALF-NAKED
PUTIN RIDING A BEAR.
I LIKE TO MIX IT UP FOR PEEP WHO
COME INTO MY OFFICE --
>> IS THIS YOUR PORTRAIT OR
ANYONE CAN GET THIS?
>> NO, NO, IT'S JUST MINE.
IT'S ABOUT EIGHT FEET TALL, AND
HE'S HOLDING A SPEAR-- IT WAS,
LIKE, CUSTOM MADE FOR ME.
I DON'T KNOW.
>> Stephen: WHERE DOES ONE
COMMISSION THIS?
>> I WANTED TO SET A TONE.
( LAUGHTER )
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
>> Stephen: FOR THE STAFF.
>> LIKE, WHEN YOU DECORATE YOUR
FIRST OFFICE AT A TV SHOW, YOU
WANT TO LET PEOPLE KNOW WHERE
YOU'RE COMING FROM.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE TO TAKE A
COMMERCIAL BREAK, CAN YOU STICK
AROUND?
>> YES.