PLEASE WELCOME JOHN MULANEY!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪
>> HOW ARE YOU?
>> Stephen: WOW!
HELLO, HOW ARE YOU?
>> Stephen: DOING FINE.
HOW ARE YOU?
>> I'M VERY GOOD.
>> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS.
I UNDERSTAND THE SHOW HAS BEEN EXTENDED THROUGH JANUARY.
>> YES, TILL JANUARY 22nd!
>> Stephen: FANTASTIC.
YES!
>> Stephen: I THINK IT SHOULD BE EXTENDED FOREVER.
>> REALLY?
>> Stephen: PEOPLE DON'T KNOW, YOU HAVE GUESTS WHO COME ON THE
SHOW.
>> WE HAVE A SURPRISE GUEST EVERY NIGHT.
OUR TWO CHARACTERS HAVE THEIR OWN CABLE ACCESS SHOW WITHIN THE
PLAY AND WE HAVE A SPECIAL GUEST COME OUT, MYSELF AND THE
WONDERFULLY TALENTED NICK KROLL.
WE'RE BASICALLY ON SIXTH AVENUE.
>> Stephen: STILL VERY NICE.
I WAS A GUEST ONE NIGHT AND I COULDN'T BELIEVE HOW
DEVASTATINGLY CRUSHINGLY FUNNY IT WAS.
I WAS, LIKE, THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE TO CHECK THE BUILDING FOR
STRUCTURAL DAMAGE BECAUSE THE LAUGHS WERE SO LOUD.
IT WAS ALMOST INFURIATING HOW WELL THE SHOW WAS GOING FOR YOU.
>> THAT WAS A VERY NICE COMPLIMENT.
YOU'RE A VERY NICE MAN TO BE INFURIATED.
THAT'S WONDERFUL.
>> Stephen: DO YOU WANT TO GO FURTHER THAN JANUARY 22?
>> OUR PLAN JANUARY 22.
OH HELLO.com FOR TICKETS.
WE WOULD GO TILL WE WERE OLD ENOUGH TO PLAY THE 72-YEAR-OLD
MEN WE ARE NOW.
WE WOULD LIKE TO DO IT UNTIL WE DON'T GET WHY IT'S FUNNY WHAT
THESE TWO OLD MEN ARE DOING.
>> Stephen: WE'D NEVER MET BEFORE THEN.
>> WE HAD.
>> Stephen: I DON'T BELIEVE SO.
>> 2000, I WAS A FRESHMAN AT GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY, YOU WERE
THERE FOR "THE DAILY SHOW," A SHOW YOU DID ON COMEDY CENTRAL.
>> Stephen: I REMEMBER THAT JON STEWART, THAT GUY, A
72-YEAR-OLD JEWISH MAN.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: YOUR CHARACTER IS BASED ON HIM.
>> YOU WERE AT GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY, YOU WERE DOING A
REMOTE SEGMENT BECAUSE THERE WAS A THEOLOGY PROFESSOR THERE WHO
WAS AN EXPERT ON SAINTS.
>> Stephen: SOUNDS LIKE ME.
YOU WERE DOING IT FOR RESEARCH.
YOU WERE COMING AROUND AND I WAS HEADED TO MY 9:00 A.M. EURO CIV
CLASS.
I PASSED YOU AND I WAS THIS LITTLE FRECKLE-FACED, PUFFY,
HUNGOVER MONSTER, AND I SAW YOU AND WAS ALREADY A HUGE FAN FROM
STRANGERS WITH CANDY ON "THE DAILY SHOW," AND THIS WAS BEFORE
CELL PHONES AND I COULDN'T GET A PICTURE, SO I JUST WENT, HEY!
EH -- >> Stephen: I REMEMBER YOU,
YOU WERE THE EH GUY!
>> EH!
>> Stephen: YEAH.
YEAH.
>> Stephen: GEORGETOWN.
GEORGETOWN.
>> Stephen: SO WAS THAT, LIKE -- IS IT VITAL HAVE IT ALSO
IN THE BASEMENT?
>> YES!
>> Stephen: I DATED A GIRL AT GEORGETOWN WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE
AND GO TO VITAL VILLAGE.
>> WHICH DIDN'T SELL CONDOMS BECAUSE IT WAS A CATHOLIC
SCHOOL.
>> Stephen: THAT'S EXACTLY RIGHT.
BUT LET'S GLOSS OVER THAT PART OF THE STORY, I BEG YOU BECAUSE
I DID NOT MARRY THIS PERSON, SO MOVE ON.
VERY NICE, SHE WASN'T INTO ME.
>> CAN'T MARRY EVERYONE WHO IS NICE BECAUSE YOU WOULD BE
MARRIED TO TOO MANY PEOPLE.
THAT'S WHAT I SAY WHEN I SPEAK AT SCHOOLS.
>> Stephen: BUT YOU'RE MARRIED.
>> YEAH, I GOT MARRIED.
>> Stephen: I'M SORRY I INTERRUPTED YOUR MARRIAGE STORY.
>> NO, I WENT, I GOT MARRIED.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: IT REALLY SOUNDS
LIKE YOU'RE RUBBING IT IN MY FACE NOW.
I ALSO GOT MARRIED EEVENTUALLY.
>> WE HAD A WEDDING, AND THERE'S A STORY.
>> Stephen: YOU WENT TO GEORGETOWN.
ARE YOU A CATHOLIC?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: BECAUSE IT'S A JESUIT SCHOOL.
>> I'VE ONLY GONE TO CATHOLIC SCHOOLS.
>> Stephen: WERE YOU AN ALTAR BOY?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: I WAS, TOO.
HOW LONG?
>> Stephen: ELEVEN YEARS.
I DID FOUR YEARS.
>> Stephen: WOW.
ALTAR BOYS, PRETTY CEREMONIAL, YOU HOLD CANDLES AND
WEAR A WHITE DRESS.
A LOT LIKE THE GUY WHO HELD THE UMBRELLA FOR PUFF DADDY.
REMEMBER THAT GUY?
FARNZWORTH BENTLEY.
>> Stephen: THAT WAS HIS NAME?
YES.
SO I WAS AN ALTAR BOY AND I WOULD STAND UP AND GET $20 A
WEDDING.
SOMETIMES THE BEST MAN WOULD TIP YOU ANOTHER $20.
SO I GOT $40.
I WAS VERY EXCITED ABOUT THIS UNTIL MY FRIENDS WHERE WERE
JEWISH STARTED GETTING BAR MITZVAHED AND I BECAME VERY
JEALOUS ABOUT THAT BECAUSE THEY WERE GETTING HUNDREDS OF
DOLLARS.
MEAN WHILE, I WAS HAVING A CONFIRMATION.
WERE YOU CONFIRMED?
>> Stephen: OF COURSE, I WAS CONFIRMED.
>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN OF COURSE?
>> Stephen: WELL YOU SAID, I GOT MARRIED.
I CAN SAY, I GOT CONFIRMED.
>> TRUE.
>> Stephen: I'M A CATHOLIC.
TO HAVE THE SACRAMENTS.
YOU HAVE TO BE CONFIRMED OR ELSE YOU'RE NOT CATHOLIC.
>> YES, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SACRAMENT.
WHILE YOUR FRIENDS ARE BEING BAR MITZVAHED WHERE YOUR FRIENDS
ARE DOING THE ELECTRIC SLIDE, YOU ARE GETTING OIL ON YOUR HEAD
WHEN YOUR SKIN IS AS OILY AS IT HAS EVER BEEN, AND YOU ARE BEING
ASKED TO REJECT SATAN JUST WHEN YOU'RE BEGINNING HIGH SCHOOL
WHEN YOU NEED HIM THE MOST.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: THAT'S TRUE.
OBVIOUSLY -- >> BUT, HEY, WE RESPECT ALL
RELIGIONS.
>> Stephen: EXACTLY.
( LAUGHTER ) THE MOST IMPORTANT THING, WHAT'S
YOUR CONFIRMATION NAME.
>> MARTIN.
>> Stephen: NOT BAD.
WHY?
>> BECAUSE MY -- >> Stephen: BIG DEAN MARTIN
FAN?
>> A BIG DEAN MARTIN FAN ( LAUGHTER )
>> Stephen: WHY MARTIN?
MARTIN WAS THE MIDDLE NAME OF MY OLDER BROTHER WHO PASSED
AWAY.
MY OLDER BROTHER TOOK PETER.
>> Stephen: WHY DID HE TAKE PETER?
>> OUR OLDER BROTHER'S NAME WAS PETE SNORE MY CONFIRMATION WAS
SIMON BECAUSE MY BROTHER PETER PASSED AWAY AND I PICKED PETER
BECAUSE OF SIMON PETER.
>> I DID MARTIN BECAUSE OF MY LITTLE BROTHER.
SO THAT WAS VERY NICE.
>> Stephen: IT IS.
CONFIRMATIONS ARE NICE.
I'D JUST RATHER DO THE ELECTRIC SLIDE WITH EVERYONE AT A
BAR MITZVAH.
>> Stephen: ARE YOU STILL A CATHOLIC?
>> UH -- >> Stephen: I'M AFRAID THAT'S
ALL WE HAVE TIME FOR -- ( LAUGHTER )
>> MY PARENTS ARE WATCHING.
YOU KNOW -- YEAH, YOU KNOW.
>> Stephen: ON CHRISTMAS DAY, ARE YOU GOING TO BE WITH YOUR
PARENTS?
>> TO, I WILL BE ON BROADWAY -- NO, I WILL BE ON BROADWAY, SO I
GUESS THAT'S THE LEAST CATHOLIC THING YOU CAN DO IS BE ON
BROADWAY AND GO TO A CHINESE RESTAURANT AFTER.
>> Stephen: NICE SEEING YOU.
MERRY CELLS, HAPPY HANUKKAH.
>> I WILL BE GOING TO CHURCH NEXT CHRISTMAS BECAUSE I LOVE
THE BAD SINGING.
>> Stephen: BAD SINGING?
YES, WELL, ONE THING I ADMIRE ABOUT JEWS IS THEY HAVE HEBREW,
SO WHEN YOU SING, ALL PEOPLE SINGING IN HEBREW DOESN'T SOUND
GREAT, RIGHT?
BUT IN CHURCH, PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SING WELL, AND THEY DON'T
SOUND GOOD EITHER.
THERE ARE GUYS THAT JUST WORK IN CHURCH.
NOT PRIESTS.
THEY ALL LOOK LIKE MARCO RUBIO AND THEY WORK IN CHURCH AND HAVE
SPORTS COATS, PASS THE BASKET AROUND, AND THEY GET UP AND SING
EVEN THOUGH THEY'RE NOT SINGERS AND THEY SING THE PSALMS --
♪ THE BREAD OF BREAD IS BREAD ♪ ( SINGING OFFKEY )
AND THEN THEY RAISE THEIR HANDS AND IF YOU THINK THEY DIDN'T
KNOW THEIR LINES, WE DIDN'T KNOW OUR LINES.
AND THE DAD SINGS WAY TOO LOUD TRYING TO GET THEIR KIDS TO
HINGE.
MY DAD ONCE GRABBED ME BY THE BACK OF MY IZOD SHIRT IN CHURCH
AND SAID, GOD CAN'T HEAR YOU.
>> Stephen: WOW, WHAT A GREAT FATHER!
WHAT A LESSON FOR ALL OF US!
>> YES.
>> Stephen: JOHN, PLEASURE TO HAVE YOU HERE.
"OH, HELLO" IS ON BROADWAY NOW. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.