The inner child is a part of the psyche that feels like your childhood self.
Holding all the memories and emotions, good or bad, that you experienced.
“We all have a younger part of ourselves that was never quite loved the right way or
the way they needed as a child," says clinical psychologist Trish Phillips.
When parts of us have been rejected and labeled as "too much" during early childhood these
may manifest as inner child wounds.
As psychotherapist William Barry puts it: “The inner child is often representative
of the trauma of youth.”
And sometimes we continue this pattern well into adulthood.
Watch along to find out more about 5 subconscious ways you continue to hurt your inner child.
Overvaluing independence "I don't need anyone!"
Do you repeat this mantra to yourself daily?
After a childhood where primary caregivers were unable to meet your requirements for
love and safety you have learned this phrase can help soothe your inner turmoil.
Just like the child who bangs the door shut shouting for everyone to go away - when in
reality what they need is a tight cuddle.
Not allowing yourself to ask for any help further isolates your inner child.
When what it needs the most is companionship.
Psychotherapist Dr. Stephanie Stahl advises to, “combat negative thoughts such as “I
don’t deserve love because my parents didn’t show me any” with “I was just a child
who deserved love and still do.”
Passive-aggressive behavior When you bury painful emotions from childhood
abuse deep within, they can surface as passive aggressiveness.
“Adult survivors of childhood trauma usually carry a lot of anger that they don’t know
how to deal with”, says trauma coach Natalie Elliot.
They often use sarcasm in the guise of a joke or make “mistakes” while pleading innocence.
This behavior keeps your inner child stuck with the same feelings of being on edge.
Rather than confront and deal with these, your inner child braces itself for the next
time these erupt causing further isolation and destroying important relationships.
Self-criticism and low self-esteem Is your internal critic always finding fault
with you and invalidating your emotions?
Growing up with overly critical or demanding adults may have caused your younger self to
‘internalize’ your parents’ critical adult voice.
Which is now a part of your own thoughts subconsciously.
How you see yourself is significantly shaped by your early environment.
“Children internalize how others see them, and growing up it becomes part of their self-perception”,
says Darius Cikanavicius, author and certified mental health coach.
Yet it is important to remember these internalized opinions are old pieces of memories that you
need to release to finally set yourself and your inner child free.
Feeling highly reactive How do you feel when corrected by someone
else?
Certain situations may trigger memories of similar childhood events where you felt helpless
and confused.
"Our adult self is trying to manage or control the outside that's making them feel uncomfortable
on the inside," says clinical psychologist Trish Phillips.
You are suddenly very irritated by slight inconveniences.
Or you may even experience total detachment.
These reactions may seem ‘over the top’ or ‘out of proportion’.
But it is when your needs for attention went unmet as a child.
In turn frightening your inner child.
If you were constantly judged for any wrongdoing as a kid it may have led you towards becoming
an adult who often erupts, unable to take responsibility for their defensiveness.
When emotions run high all the time, you are unable to listen and connect to your frightened
inner child who seeks your attention.
Self-defeating behavior Do you often get in your own way?
“The tendency to self-sabotage is a clue you’ve run into your inner child,” says
psychologist Dr Leah Katz.
When you go through a childhood being told you’re not enough, self-sabotage stems as
a misplaced form of protection against feelings of disappointment.
Rather than cope with the chagrin of falling short, you tend to give up before you have
the chance to fail.
Trauma coach Natalie Elliot explains, “Childhood trauma holds us back and bricks up our potential
in truly unimaginable ways.”
Feelings of inadequacy stop you from pursuing hobbies, work, or relationships.
This manifests in relationships when you avoid getting close to others because you worry
they’ll leave eventually.
Self-sabotage reinforces the idea of not being enough, perpetuating your inner child in a
ruthless cycle of trying to prove their worth.
Emotional suppression or repression "It is a common aftermath of childhood traumas
such as bullying, abusive caretakers or mismatched environment" says licensed psychotherapist
Kat Vollono.
If you grew up being told that you shouldn't cry or you should be strong and take care
of others around you, you might still feel that way today.
This is why you have difficulty connecting to both your feelings and the feelings of
others.
You stop connecting deeply with your emotions to protect yourself from the world.
As a result you bar your wounded inner child from ever expressing true emotions.
Leading to feelings of emptiness, helplessness and hopelessness.
According to Healthline, emotional repression can cause mental health consequences like
depression as well.
All of these can be signs that your inner child is trying to communicate something to
you.
Author and civil rights activist Maya Angelou said, “Do the best you can until you know
better.
Then when you know better, do better.”
Healing your inner child begins with your decision to do better and then accessing the
right resources to support you.
Reaching out to a mental health professional is a step in the right direction towards healing.
Did you recognize any of these behavior tendencies?
How did these affect you?
Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comment section below.
If you found this video helpful, share it with others who may need to watch it.
And for more related videos, remember to subscribe and hit the notification bell.
Thank you so much for watching.