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Now what you’re here for.
How I Accidentally Uncovered A Kingdom-Wide Conspiracy In 5 Minutes
This happened several months ago in our first session.
The setting is Faerun, the Kingdom we are currently in is Tethyr.
This may be my favorite character character and my favorite story about figuring out my
DMs plan WAY AHEAD of schedule.
The cast: 2 Male Humans diametrically opposed Rogues
who studied under the same master hailing from Amn.
I call them "Competency" and "Molehill" "The MIGHTY Mountain" a halfling Monk from
some Sun Soul Monastery near the Lake of Steam who is super sensitive about his height.
"Poser" a young neutral good human cleric native to Tethyr who thinks herself a hardened
criminal but keeps getting my super specific instructions wrong, to my eternal bemusement.
The Druid lady that my character couldn't come up with a nickname for so I'll just call
her "Chains".
She is an escaped slave from Calimshan but we only learned that recently.
and Yours Truly.
A Human fighter opting to specialize in unarmed combat as an experiment, to the eternal bemusement
of our Monk.
This was the second time in my life playing a female, and whose mindset I am borrowing
to attempt to weave this tale.
Kheltra "Handmaiden" also known as "The Pirate Queen" A Chaotic Evil Fighter hailing from
Luskan...in the company of an all-good party (except the neutral rogues)
Anyways here's the tale of how me being evil accidentally saved the day.
Or made it worse, you decide.
The Location is Darromar, on the border of Tethyr and Calimshan.
The Setup is that Tethyr's new ruling family moved the Capital of Tethyr to Darromar after
they emerged victorious in a civil war.
Our party meets after I finish making fun of Molehill for getting his butt kicked by
The MIGHTY Mountain.
I am contractually obligated to say MIGHTY for making fun of his size 3 seconds after
we met which ends with me somehow becoming great friends with The MIGHTY Mountain.
At this point the players do not know my alignment, and I'm the most social of all of them thus
far.
In my defense I was drinking both in and out of character.
And we get to dumping our backstories.
Molehill was a Noble Scion trying to secure investment opportunities for his family out
in Tethyr, but he was incognito so what he TOLD us was that he was merely a contractor
for this family and Competency was his Alfred making sure he didn't screw it up.
The MIGHTY Mountain was delivering supplies to a Sun Soul Monastery outside of town that
had been suffering a mysterious shortage these past few years after the Civil War.
Poser was trying to raise funds for her local monastery whose offerings were also mysteriously
vanishing and causing internal strife as a result.
Chains made it clear that her business was her own and that she wasn't gonna tell her
life story to anyone who asked.
I was part of the Luskan Navy.
Pirate is such a negative word.
We're Privateers whose ship was impounded and Crew placed under house arrest after Tethyr
Military discovered our Captain was using our legitimate business vessel to do some
Human Trafficking on the side.
For some reason I can't fathom, this made Chains not like me very much but hey I didn't
know he was doing that.
But really I didn't I wanted to kill the idiot for smuggling cargo that talks under all our
noses.
So we're getting to know each other, I'm drinking to Molehills destroyed ego while raising up
the Mighty Mountain as the Hero who fought off the Evil Molehill and his army of Beholders.
I might have gotten bored retelling what I witnessed to passers by so myself and the
Tavern minstrels started making things up to amuse ourselves in 'The Song that Totally
happened' as it was christened.
When a 7 year old girl wanders into the bar.
After Chains finally noticed the unattended child she told us her Grandpa had been kidnapped
and wanted somebody to please-oh-please find him.
I was just like "Tragic.
So about that payment" which my unlikely companions found questionable but hey, Tethyr is a country
that doesn't do anything for free and Neither does Luskan damnit.
Anyways we found the guy pretty quickly without much fuss believe it or not, sure he was half-dead
in an alleyway but a win is a win.
After that was sorted and we got paid he told us of a Ring of Slavers that had taken his
daughter, the girl's mother and left him for dead when he wasn't fit enough for hard labor.
Apparently they preyed on young men who were physically fit and young women who were...above
average attractiveness.
It was at this point I looked at that glaring 16 in my Charisma and physical description
on my sheet and internally sighed.
Everyone was freaking out about how to find these guys, so I did the only thing I could.
I had us split up "in case they were watching" (as if, they had no reason to) and took the
longest, darkest way back to the bar I could by myself in the dead of night.
And wouldn't you know it I found them!
Three of them in fact!
They even complimented me on how a 6 foot muscle bound amazon of a woman would make
a pretty good breeder.
And I responded with "If you touch me with that club I'm breaking it off inside of you!"
And they took exception to that.
So I killed 2 of them, knocked the third one a female out and shoved her in a nearby garbage
can that I proceeded to carry back to the bar with me.
But not before I honored that promise...with prejudice.
So everyone notices my late return and a screaming garbage can that made funny noises when you
smashed it against the floor lid first.
I paid off the barkeep to let me borrow the upstairs and call for the Watch Captain to
come collect a slaver, meanwhile myself and Competency began the interrogation.
So after learning the location of their base, the four of us, Chains, The MIGHTY Mountain,
Molehill, and Poser went to investigate!
If you're wondering about me and Competency it was decided that I needed to nurse my wounds
and Competency decided it was unsafe to leave me alone with the girl after I said we should
kill her.
Weird but fine.
So the Watch Captain shows up and actually knows the girl we're holding.
To Competency this was weird, to me.
This was Red Flag number 1.
But I said nothing, after all.
He also knew me, and he did not care for me.
No idea why.
Of course she says I assaulted her and killed her brothers.
I pleaded guilty as charged but that in my defence they were planning on abducting me
and selling me into slavery.
He didn't care for my answer but let it go.
He also let her go free.
Red Flag 2.
Myself and Competency couldn't do anything against a fully armed Watch Captain plus backup
downstairs so we just sort of had to watch as she went free and we got a dismissive,
"Don't wander the streets at night, we got this."
So after pressing further well... we realized where everyone else currently was.
You see... here's the thing... that woman, wasn't a slaver...
She took on "indentured servants" to work in her legitimate brothel where they even
got paid at the end of town...
The same place our guys were on their way back from... setting... on fire...
All I could say was "Huh.
What are the odds I found a totally unrelated Slave ring from the one we were looking for..."
Pretty good it turns out!
She genuinely did not know what we were talking about.
So I agreed to do a simple job for her in exchange for her to not press charges.
Of course she only told me the job after the watch was nowhere near.
Kill a half-orc Teamster.
This Teamster had been harassing her place of business.
The one we torched mind you.
But since she would clear the debt if I killed him I would, but that would take a few days
to set up.
So in the meantime, back to the main story.
The Slavers.
The thing is, we haven't accomplished much, but my work still bore fruit as we were ambushed
the very next night by masked assassins who had heard about our investigation and wished
for it to end.
So after killing them and interrogating the last survivor.
I'm sensing a pattern here.
We learned some promising things about the sewers underneath the slums.
And after Competency brought home information he'd gotten from watch reports I found out
something critical.
I was the only one who put points into gather information.
I am the fighter.
I don’t even know why I put points into it except because “pirate things.”
Anyways we found out these kidnappings have been happening in a pattern throughout town,
but no clues as to why it was happening on this massive scale in - need I remind you
- Tethyrs new CAPITOL.
Then I remembered the Teamster I'd been contracted to kill and went to ask my new best friend,
the random mugger lady/brothel owner, a few more questions.
Turns out some of her girls, ones she'd particularly liked too, had been taken by this half orc
and never seen again.
But the guards, for some reason, wouldn't touch the simple contract day laborers.
Red Flag 3.
So after Nat. 20ing a Gather Info check to put the pieces together the DM told me that
he was likely heavily involved.
What he did not expect, nor did the party.
Was my next outburst.
"Tethyrs about to go to war with Amn."
Silence at the Table...
The MIGHTY Mountain "uh...
What?”
Competency & The DM say “You're paranoid"
"Let's replay recent events shall we?"
Tethyr moves its Capitol to Darromar, as far away from Amn as it can get, but RIGHT ON
THE BORDER with Calimshan, who ALSO hates Tethyr.
Why aren't they worried?”
The MIGHTY Mountain said "Okay... but how does that-"
“BUT!
Tethyr only finished up a Civil War a few years ago, they don't have the resources to
fight a war.
Yet they've opted to leave their back exposed to one of their bitter rivals to hold a more
defensible position against another one.”
Competency said "Maybe the royal family just likes Darromar."
“We're seeing kidnappings at an absurd rate throughout this city, problems in the Capitol
usually are indicative of deep-seated issues plaguing the entire country.
If there is a massive slave-ring HERE!
Then it's likely worse throughout Tethyr.”
"Yeah but how does that prove a war is brewing?
You just said they cant fight a war this soon."
Molehill added.
“Right.
But Why aren't they worried about Calimshan?”
Everyone "No idea" “Pop quiz.
What is Calimshans main export?"
Chains, fidgeting awkwardly, “slaves…”
“Biscuit for the mean lady who looks at me like I brutalized a puppy!
Right so, Tethyr keep Calimshan off their backs AND provide weapons and possibly even
bodies in exchange for slaves, which is Illegal in Tethyr.
But one of the main lifebloods of Calimshan.
They target people who can perform hard labor in a Calimshite mine, Calimshan stays off
their back and provides weapons they know will be used against Amn who they ALSO hate.
Allowing Tethyr to arm itself in nearly record time and attack an unsuspecting Amn.”
"But the people wouldn't...
"
“What?
The people of Tethyr who value a hard days work over all else would object to destroying
a country best known for its petty Thieves?”
"Petty...?" asked Molehill, slightly offended.
“Of course the CHURCHES wouldn't stand for it, but then the churches have been experiencing
unusual difficulty as of late.
Haven't they?”
Poser and The MIGHTY Mountain in unison said "oh my god..."
“AND Tethyr Watch won't touch a guild of Teamsters that have been probably abducting
women.
They won't investigate the disappearance of its men, and nothing has been deployed to
stop the Goblin Raids on the Amn, Tethyr border lately despite Amn mobilizing to take those
filthy bugs out.
....SO IN CONCLUSION, TETHYR STRUCK A DEAL WITH CALIMSHAN TO ATTACK AMN AFTER AMN EXHAUSTS
ITS MILITARY CAMPAIGNING THE GOBLINS AND USED MY SHIP AND CREW AS THE EXCUSE IN CASE THEY
GOT CAUGHT BECAUSE EVERYONE WOULD EXPECT LUSKAN TO DEAL IN SLAVES BUT NOT TETHYR!”
The whole Party "We need to leave, NOW"
"How the HELL?!-" the DM asked in disbelief.
“I WIN.”
So after burning down the Slums as a distraction we escaped into the Sewers where surprise
surprise, we found goblins aiding the slavers.
I can only feel a little bad for this DM.
You know they planned out this brilliant political intrigue to play out over the course of multiple
sessions.
He was going to trick the players into becoming the fall guys for a burgeoning civil war.
And…poof.
Wasted.
Has this ever happened at your table?
Please let us know what you think and comment below!
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