This programme contains some strong language and scenes which some viewers may find upsetting
Surprise!
Babe?
I didn't take my keys.
No pockets.
So, I was in a bit of a pickle.
No? Oh, come on, that was good.
Now would probably be a sensible time to tell him about Jamie.
Do I look sensible to you?
I just want to get myself clean.
Get the evidence off me,
put my jammies on,
get into bed.
And, tomorrow, this'll all be...
PHONE RINGS Sorry! Sorry.
ON PHONE: Hello, Kerry? DS Lind.
I'm home now. With my boyfriend.
I lost your call.
Nope, don't come. Just leave it.
I wasn't thinking straight when I called.
It was me speaking, but it wasn't.
Like an echo, in a tunnel.
These strange words come out of me.
ON PHONE: Police. What's your emergency?
I've been raped.
Sounds terrible when you say it out loud like that, doesn't it?
Massive.
I don't want people to run out of words around me.
I can't go from class craic to...
Fuck it, I'll just switch uni.
Begin a new life as a sombre, damaged woman.
Start wearing high-neck stuff and disappear.
Close my Facebook, Twitter, Instagram.
Are they going to take my phone?
You have to tell him.
No. I've only ever...
..with him.
What if he thinks I'm...
Ruined?
I told them not to come here,
because we all know what happens when girls talk to the peelers.
"What were you wearing?
"Were you drinking?"
I was dressed as a giant pickle,
and I am dressed as a giant pickle.
KNOCK ON DOOR Kerry, what have you done?
People around me have this weird habit of assuming I'm to blame.
"What did she expect?"
My mum.
KERRY'S VOICE: "She was absolutely blootered,
"and she went upstairs with those boys, alone."
She's actually said that.
Thinks we're all just silly wee girls.
So I deserve it? We all deserve it?
Just because your lot took it doesn't mean we have to.
It's my body, Mum.
Spare me the slut-shaming.
I can't go out there.
You have to report him.
And choose this? Why would I?
But he could hurt someone else.
Don't put that fucking guilt on me!
You have to protect other women.
Do I? Cos I literally can't even protect myself.
SOMEONE TUTS
Yes, this is a thong.
Why should I be left with all the horrible, fucked-up, painful bits,
when he gets to be free of it?
This way, I don't have to be a victim. Just be me.
Funny, silly, messy Kerry.
I can be clean.
I came around to this sharp, dry pain.
So I clenched.
It was an involuntary protective impulse.
But...
..that clenching...
..he groaned.
Nothing can prevent men from taking what they want.
I can't go out there,
tell them everything,
give up everything.
I'm not brave enough.
But, if I stay quiet, I won't ever be clean enough.
I don't have the strength.
Whatever I decide to do...
..I'm fucked.