- [Kelly] Have a seat.
- Thank you.
- I mean, I'm really into your vibe right now.
- Oh, thank you. Thank you.
- Yes. It's nice to see you again.
- Nice to see you.
- Last time I saw you, you didn't have a kid.
You have a two year old, now.
- And you didn't have an Emmy.
- I, well, boom.
Look at us.
- Emmy and a baby.
I mean that's not doing too bad.
- We're killing it.
How is it? Two, right?
Two years old?
- She's two years old.
I was pretty much pregnant during the whole pandemic.
Great way to keep it a secret,
because all your meetings are from here up, you know?
- [Kelly] Oh my gosh, that's awesome.
- Yeah, and I had a daughter in August of 2020.
- [Kelly] Wow.
- Yeah.
- That's so cool.
- Yeah, it was, it's the best.
- I'm very happy for you.
I have kiddos and they're six and eight now,
but that's magical.
Every step is challenging but every step is magical as well.
But being a first time parent can be hard, though.
So who's your go-to for advice?
- I mean, I have a couple little mom groups.
- [Kelly] Yeah.
- Mom friends. And then my own mom, of course.
- Yeah. That helps out as well.
You went through a challenging time with your mama, right?
- Yeah.
- I mean, I feel like, wait.
I could have asked any of us that question.
- I know, right?
- I feel like we all, even are mothers with their mothers.
Yeah.
- The relationship is such a journey
and that's what's beautiful about it.
But, you know, it's one of the things I write about
in my book that I was really ashamed of and embarrassed
for a long time, is that I was like,
estranged from my mother for like five, six years.
Didn't speak to her.
- Wow.
- Not even an email. And that's on me.
And the beautiful thing about becoming pregnant
was it sort of brought us together again
and we've reconciled since then.
- [Kelly] Yeah.
- And, you know,
continue building a wonderful relationship.
- Yeah, it gives you a fresh perspective on parenting, too.
- Oh, a hundred percent. 'Cause my mom had four.
And I only have one and I'm like, how do you?
- Yeah, my mom had three
and I had two and I'm just like, whoa.
- [Constance] I know.
- You're outnumbered.
I mean, I'm outnumbered, I'm a single mom.
But like, but it's a lot,
- It is a lot.
- To have a lot of kids running around
and make sure you give attention to each one equally.
That's like, hard.
- Yeah.
- But wait, did you have a lot of rules growing up?
Was it strict?
My mom was a very strict mom.
She had to be, She was a single parent for a lot of it.
- No, my parents were not strict at all.
- [Kelly] What?
- In fact, what now that I have a daughter,
it's interesting when I think about how I grew up.
How like, after school,
we would just leave the house and roam the neighborhood.
My mom had no idea where we were.
We'd go to the woods.
- [Kelly] Oh that was me, too.
- Yeah. But like, it wasn't a big deal.
- You had to be home by at least the sun going down.
- As long as you were home by dinner.
- [Kelly] Yeah.
- And we always were.
But then we would also go to random strangers houses.
Me and my little sister, we'd knock in their doors,
because we weren't allowed to have a dog, but we love dogs.
So we would knock on strangers' doors,
and say, "Hi, do you have a dog?
Can we walk your dog?"
And usually they said yes.
So, yeah.
- Just let strangers, this is such a different time.
- I mean we were like eight and 10 years old
so like, it doesn't seem like.
- Could have been a dateline special in the making though.
Just randomly walking up to stranger's houses.
It's so funny what I was able to get away with
as a kid and I would never let my kid do.
- Oh yeah, my dad let me walk,
he worked at a college
and sometimes we'd go to work with him in the summers.
- [Kelly] Yeah.
- And he'd just let us walk around the college campus
by ourselves at like eight.
- [Kelly] Wow.
- Yeah. We were fine.
- Maybe though, it all depends on which kid though too.
Like I would maybe,
I would definitely let my daughter do that, but not my son.
- Well and also this was me and my younger sister
and I have two older sisters
and I always think maybe that they were stricter with them.
- [Kelly] Oh definitely, yeah.
- But by the time you get to the third you're like whatever
- [Kelly] They're fine.
We're back with Constance Wu, You all give it up.
That was a little bit of her new movie
"Lyle, Lyle Crocodile".
So your new movie is based on the children's book,
is your daughter a big reader?
She into it?
- Oh yes.
I mean she can't read yet because she's two,
but she is obsessed with books.
I have to read her maybe 10, 20 books every night.
- A day?
- Well a total a day, but at least 10 at night, yeah.
- Oh my god.
I'm like two, and I like just one.
- [Constance] Yeah.
- Because it takes a while to read through it.
Do you do voices?
I sometimes do voices.
- I actually don't do voices.
Because the goal is to
- You're an actor.
- Well the goal is to get them to fall asleep.
So I find
- Oh I'm an idiot.
- Soothing, monotone voice.
- [Kelly] Yeah.
- If you just do it like this, she starts nodding.
- [Kelly] Like a Calm App.
- But maybe it's not working if I'm reading 10 books
- I know, maybe a new approach.
- You know.
- [Kelly] But your new book,
so it's called "Making a Scene".
So why did you name it that?
- Well it's sort of has two meanings.
One is about how art is really healing.
And for me that has been acting.
And in acting you make scenes
whether it's in a play or like a movie.
And the other is sort of the symbolic idea
of what it means when somebody makes a scene.
And growing up in the south
it was wasn't considered ladylike.
- Girl, I know.
- Yeah.
- I grew up there.
- Yeah, but you know, the thing is
if you're an emotional person, like I was
(Kelly blows air)
Yeah, repressed feelings don't go away
just because you will them to.
They're inevitably gonna come out.
- Yeah.
- In another way.
And you know, I think there was like this big fiasco
on Twitter because I said some very negative things
about a show that I truly loved being on.
But it was within the context
of being sexually harassed on that show.
Being intimidated, being controlled
and me wanting to swallow that and hide that.
So I didn't stay in the reputation
of the only Asian American network sitcom.
- Do you feel obligated to say something?
Do you react ever?
Like, you know what I'm saying?
- Well, I mean there was definitely a social media pile on
which I understood because if you don't know me
it just looks like "Oh she had this huge hit movie
and now she thinks she's, you know, outgrown the show".
Which wasn't.
Yeah, but you led with "You don't know me"
which is "They don't know you" though.
- Yeah, but it's easy to think you know a public figure
based on
- Yeah.
- The limited information that you have of them.
It's easy to construct that narrative.
But you know, I had been a public figure for a while then
so I thought I was pretty strong and pretty capable.
But it was actually a few DMs
from a former colleague of mine,
an Asian actress who you know,
you think should be on your side.
That sort of convinced me that my life was worthless.
And you know, I ended up in the hospital
because I tried to take my own life, which was really scary.
- Yeah.
- But ultimately it was a good thing
because it made me seek help.
- [Kelly] Yeah.
- And I wouldn't have been able to talk about it
three years ago
because I was still very like raw and wounded.
- [Kelly] Yeah.
- But I think the thing I've learned now
is that through a lot of therapy and like
looking at what my values truly are,
I've developed the tools to handle it.
- [Kelly] Yeah.
And so I wanna talk about it so other young women
who might be struggling with the same thing
know they're not alone
and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
It takes work
- But you can get there. - [Kelly] Work.
- Yeah.
- I literally just said this
because people are like, "Oh, how did you get through
like certain things or whatever in my life"
and I was like, "Oh, it's a lot of work".
- [Constance] It's work.
- And it's honestly like people frown sometimes upon
especially in the south, where we're from
like at therapy and it's like these are trained people.
- [Constance] Yeah.
- That have tools to help me get through something.
Why would I not want that?
Like why, why would I turn that away?
And by the way, I'm so sorry too
because it's hard in the moment
when you're already feeling down about yourself
and doubting yourself and what you did or your actions.
But for somebody else to come in
and invade that and project their shortcomings
because that's what that is.
I don't even know who you're talking about,
and I don't know what you're talking about.
- It's actually someone you think is an ally.
- But, exactly.
And I'm like, that's their shortcomings.
- Of course.
- That's on them.
And it's hard to see that in the moment.
- It is.
- And I realize that, that it's hard for me too.
But like I'm really happy that you got help
and I'm really happy you got the tools.
- Yeah, Thank you.
- I did too, to get through my, I think we all do.
We all have stuff that we go through.
And thank you for sharing that.
I didn't know all of that.
- Does anyone have a Kleenex?
- Oh, I do.
Girl, I cry all the time on here.
- I can't and you know, I don't wanna mess it up.
- No, I cry all the time.
- They did such a beautiful job.
- I always feel sorry for Glow.
I'm like "I apologize".
So how do you feel though
representation has changed for Asian Americans?
I feel like it's gotten better
but I feel like there's still work to do.
- Well you know, I think it has gotten better
in that it's more there.
- [Kelly] Yeah.
- I still think the conversation is too focused
on positive representation of Asian Americans.
And I think that's another trap.
I don't think we need positive representation.
I think we need whole human representation
which includes our faults,
which includes talking about things that are difficult
in the community such as the internalized misogyny
that happens such as me talking about what happened
on the show, holding each other accountable out of love.
You know, because to just have an Asian love interest
with six pack abs.
Why can't we have one that doesn't have six pack abs?
- [Kelly] Yeah.
- Do you know what I mean?
- Totally got some under here.
(Constance laughs)
I'm just doing a load.
Of laundry.
- The point should be that you are loved and worthy
as you are.
- [Kelly] Yeah.
- With all your flaws, even if you don't have a six pack.
- I think, I mean I'm pretty average.
I feel like I'm the most average human ever
and I like a real representation.
- Yeah.
- [Kelly] Like, you know what I'm saying?
- Same.
- Like when you're seeing a whole thing,
I want the real, I want all of it because I have all of it.
- But Asian Americans have a history of being mocked
in especially in popular culture.
- Yeah.
- And I think that is why there has been this
sort of overcorrection of wanting to be cool.
Such as like when I did "Fresh Off the Boat",
people were very mad that my character had an accent.
So much so that some actors would say,
Asian actors would say, "I refuse to play any character
that has an Asian accent".
And I almost feel like that refusal almost.
- You're saying there's something wrong with it.
- Yeah, almost strengthens the antiquated idea
that there's something inherently shameful
or buffoonish about an accent.
- [Kelly] I love accents.
- When you look at it objectively
all it means is that you know two languages.
That is frigging cool.
- [Kelly] That's something to be proud of.
- Yes.
- I've been trying for years.
Yeah, so let's make our choice.
Yeah, yours is beautiful.
But let's make our choices
rather than making our choices a reaction to a system
that has mocked us and doesn't understand us.
Let's be creative, not reactive.
Let's make our own system.
And if somebody doesn't get it,
if somebody laughs at the wrong thing,
- Somebody's always gonna get it.
- That's always gonna get it.
- Yeah, somebody, yeah.
- You don't create art to cater to ignorant people.
- [Kelly] Yeah.
You create art because it's out of your soul.
- Yeah.
- So we need the six packs, but we also need the kegs.
- Yeah.
(Kelly laughs)
I love you.