> ♪ So baby, gimme that (Toot, toot!) ♪ ♪ And lemme hear that (Beep, beep!) ♪
>> Some words are wise, some are wacky,
and some are wonderful.
But these words are...woeful.
> ♪ Lucky that my breasts are small and humble ♪
♪ So you don't confuse them...with mountains ♪
>> Welcome to WatchMojo.com, and today,
we're counting down our picks for the
"Top 10 Stupidest Lyrics of All Time."
> ♪ B!*ches suck my d--- ♪
♪ 'cuz I look like JK Rowling ♪
>> For this list, we've looked across all music genres
and compiled the worst lyrics ever penned.
> ♪ Eat that wonton soup! ♪
♪ Wet like wonton soup! ♪
♪ Hopped up in my car ♪
♪ Then, I drop my roof ♪
>> Number 10: "I would be the smartest man,
>> Number 10, "I would be the smartest man, if I was invisible..."
--"Invisible" by Clay Aiken.
"Invisible" by Clay Aiken. > ♪ Whatcha doing tonight? ♪
♪ I wish I could be a fly on your wall ♪
>> An American Idol turned politician and activist,
Clay Aiken might like to think that
what he says is worth listening to,
and this is probably a lyric he'd rather NOT had sung.
> ♪ I would be the smartest man ♪
♪ If I was invisible ♪
>> In the world of super powers,
invisibility and super-intelligence are probably
two of the more popular powers to boast.
But, the correlative link between them
is probably pretty slim.
> ♪ I would make you unbreakable ♪
>> We'd think Mr. Aiken might be
trying to take over the world,
but he'll never succeed with logic like this.
> ♪ I would be the smartest man ♪
♪ If I was invisible... ♪
>> Number 9: "Red SOLO cup, I fill you up.
Let's have a party! Let's have a party!
I love you, red SOLO cup..."
--"Red Solo Cup," by Toby Keith.
> ♪ Now, a red SOLO cup is the best receptacle ♪
♪ For barbecues, tailgates, fairs, and festivals ♪
>> True, this track is more than a little tongue-in-cheek,
but that doesn't excuse this hopeless hyperbole.
> ♪ Red SOLO cup (Uh-huh) ♪
♪ I fill you up ♪
♪ Let's have a party ♪
♪ Let's have a party ♪
♪ I love you, red SOLO cup... ♪
♪ I love you, red SOLO cup ♪ >> It's amazing enough that a record
can be worked out of a humble red cup.
It starts to get a little TOO ridiculous.
For Toby Keith, there appear to be
but three stages to life:
fill up, drink up, get loved up.
> Red SOLO Cup, you're not just a cup.
> No! No! God, no!
> You're my... You're my friend.
>> As commendable as that is, you've got to hope
and assume that they had a few too many
when they wrote this song.
> ♪ I fill you up ♪
♪ Let's have a party ♪
♪ Proceed to party, yeah! ♪
>> Number 8: "My hump, my hump, my hump--Ha! My lovely lady lumps, check it out!"
--"My Humps," by Black-Eyed Peas.
> ♪ Get you love drunk off my hump! ♪
♪ My hump, my hump ♪
♪ My hump, my hump, my hump ♪
♪ My hump, my hump, my hump ♪
♪ My lovely little lumps ♪
♪ Check it out! ♪
>> Fergie, circa 2005, was a very attractive lady,
but, with lyrics like these, there was only so far
fantasies could flourish.
> ♪ You love my lady lumps ♪
♪ My hump, my hump, my hump ♪
>> Everyone knows that a little bit of physicality
goes a very long way when selling records.
But, there's a baseness to this line
that leaves it lacking in sex appeal.
They're lovely, right.
She's a lady, correct.
And they're her...lumps? Huh?
> ♪ 'Cuz of my hump (Huh?) ♪
♪ My hump, my hump, my hump (What?) ♪
♪ My hump, my hump, my hump (Huh?) ♪
♪ My lovely lady lumps ♪
>> For alliterative purposes, the line's perfect.
But, in terms of poetic sensuality,
seductiveness, or sense,
we'd rather not check it out, thanks.
> ♪ My lovely lady lumps ♪
♪ My lovely lady lumps ♪
♪ In the back and in the front ♪
> ♪ For all we know ♪
♪ We might not get tomorrow ♪
♪ Let's do it tonight ♪
Number 7: "Me working hard? Yeah, right.
Picture that with a Kodak. And better yet,
go to Times Square; take a picture of me with a Kodak."
--"Give Me Everything," by Pitbull,
featuring Ne-Yo, Afrojack & Nayer.
> ♪ Grab somebody sexy, tell 'em, hey ♪
♪ Give me everything tonight ♪
>> Stupid lyrics surrounded by passable ones
are one thing, but to begin the track with a
"What did he just say?" moment--
that's never a good move.
> ♪ Me not working hard? ♪
♪ Yeah right, picture that with a Kodak ♪
♪ Or better yet, go to Times Square ♪
♪ Take a picture of me with a Kodak ♪
>> Pitbull opens the song that promises
to give everything by giving us this helping of hilarity.
♪ Pitbull, Nayer, Ne-Yo, that's right ♪
>> Clearly, someone scored a contract
with the camera company,
and clearly, that same someone isn't especially skilled
when it comes to writing product placement into a song.
> ♪ What I'm involved with is deeper than the Masons ♪
♪ Baby, baby, and it ain't no secret ♪
>> To say Pitbull crowbarred this reference
into his record would be an insult
to crowbars everywhere.
> ♪ Me not working hard? ♪
♪ Yeah right, picture that with a Kodak ♪
♪ Or better yet, go to Times Square ♪
♪ Take a picture of me with a Kodak ♪
> ♪ You must be a sorceress, 'cuz you just ♪
♪ Did the impossible, gained my trust ♪
Number 6: "Love is evil.
Number 6: "Love is evil, Spell it backwards; I'll show ya."
--"Spacebound," by Eminem.
> ♪ 'Cuz I've been treated like dirt before ya ♪
♪ And love is evil; spell it backwards, I'll show ya ♪
♪ Nobody knows me, I'm cold ♪
♪ Walk down this road all alone ♪
>> Love might be evil, but it's still not as sinful
as Eminem's spelling.
We don't need you to show us anything, Mr. Slim Shady.
We are perfectly capable of working out everything
that's wrong with this lyric by ourselves, thanks.
> ♪ You're a supernova, and I'm a... ♪
> ♪ I'm a space bound rocket ship ♪
♪ And your heart's the moon ♪
>> Because, spell "love" backwards and you actually get
"EVOL," which, if anything, is the prefix for "evolution,"
which, depending on your religious or scientific beliefs,
might be considered one of the most positive theories
that the human race has ever come up with.
And that isn't really what Eminem was going for.
> ♪ 'Cuz if I get burnt, ♪
♪ I'mma show ya what it's like to hurt ♪
♪ 'Cuz I've been treated like dirt before ya ♪
♪ And love is evil; spell it backwards, I'll show ya ♪
>> Number 5: "When I was a geisha, he was a samurai. Somehow, I understood him when he spoke Thai."
--"Your Love," by Nicki Minaj.
> ♪ Shawty, I'm-a only tell you this once ♪
♪ You're the illest ♪
♪ Bah-ba-dah-dah-oh ♪
>> Here's a good idea:
Let's pull together all the words we can think of
relating to the Far East, and then run them through
all in one ludicrously lazy lyric.
> ♪ When I was a geisha, he was a samurai ♪
♪ Somehow, I understood him when he spoke Thai ♪
>> It seems you either love or hate Nicki Minaj.
But, either way, it's difficult to defend
this particular piece of so-called poetry.
> ♪ You're like a candy store and I'm a toddler ♪
♪ You got me wantin' more and mo-mo-more and ♪
♪ Your love, your love ♪
>> A geisha and a samurai might have crossed paths
at some point, we guess.
But would they really have been speaking Thai?
Or does the word "Thai" just rhyme well?
We'd probably all know the answer to that.
> ♪ When I was a geisha, he was a samurai ♪
♪ Somehow, I understood him when he spoke Thai ♪
>> Number 4: "Tuck my napkin in my shirt, 'cause I'm just mobbin' like that."
--"Headlines," by Drake.
> ♪ I might be too strung out on compliments ♪
♪ Overdosed on confidence ♪
♪ Starting not to give a f--- ♪
♪ And stop fearing the consequence ♪
>> Drake is a regular demonstrator of dumb lyrics,
but, with these words, he achieves superior stupidity.
> ♪ Tuck my napkin in my shirt ♪
♪ 'cuz I'm just mobbin' like that ♪
>> By taking us through his table manners,
and giving them the gangsta treatment,
the guy thinks he sounds big,
but really, he sounds boring.
> ♪ Tuck my napkin in my shirt ♪
♪ 'cuz I'm just mobbin' like that ♪
>> A laughable lyric that trumps
even his most problematic prose,
there is no confusion in our minds;
Drake deserves to be on this list.
> ♪ Drizzy got the money, so Drizzy gonna pay it ♪
♪ Those my brothers, I ain't even gonna say it ♪
♪ That's just somethin' they know ♪
>> And he should count himself lucky
that he's just missed the podium.
> ♪ Tuck my napkin in my shirt ♪
♪ 'cuz I'm just mobbin' like that ♪
♪ You know good and well that ♪
♪ You don't want a problem like that ♪
> ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
>> Number 3: "Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday.
Today, it is Friday, Friday."
--"Friday," by Rebecca Black.
> ♪ Seven A.M., waking up in the morning ♪
♪ Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs ♪
>> We've all been here, learning the days of the week
by singing a snappy little song.
When we were about four years old.
♪ It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday ♪
>> There are a lot of Rebecca Black lyrics
that might have featured on this countdown.
In fact, we're pretty sure they'd all qualify.
But this one really takes some beating.
> ♪ Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday ♪
♪ Today, it is Friday, Friday ♪
>> The Black-Eyed Peas also tried to belittle us
in similar style before...
> ♪ Monday, Tuesday, ♪
♪ Wednesday, and Thursday (Do it!) ♪
♪ Friday, Saturday, Saturday, and Sunday (Do it!) ♪
>> But Black's brain-dead lyrics are just better.
Or worse?
Or worse? > ♪ Partyin', partyin' (Yeah!) ♪
>> Maybe, one day, she'll reach second grade
and take us through the seasons of the year,
or something?
or something? > ♪ Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday ♪
♪ Today, it is Friday, Friday ♪
>> Number 2: "If the light is off, then it isn't on." --"So Yesterday," by Hilary Duff.
> ♪ You can change your life (if you wanted) ♪
♪ You can change your clothes ♪
>> A runthrough of history's greatest
philosophical statements might include
William Shakespeare's "To Be or Not to Be,"
Descartes' "I think, therefore I am," Hilary Duff's
"If the light is on, then it isn't off."
> ♪ If the light is off, then it isn't on... ♪
>> What? Wait a minute...
> ♪ If the light is off, then it isn't on... ♪
>> Lizzie McGuire might have grown up,
but she didn't grow wise.
And this one-liner might be remembered
for years to come, but for all the wrong reasons.
It's a literal light bulb moment, only the fuse is gone,
the power's been cut, and we might as well
be walking blindly into brick walls.
> ♪ When you wake up, it'll seem so yesterday, ♪
♪ So yesterday ♪
♪ Haven't you heard that I'm gonna be okay ♪
>> Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few
honorable--or, in this case, DIShonorable--mentions.
> ♪ Do the Helen Keller... ♪
♪ And talk with your hips ♪
> ♪ Do you ever feel like a plastic bag ♪
♪ Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again? ♪
> ♪ I'm as serious as cancer ♪
♪ When I say rhythm is a dancer! ♪
> ♪ Rhythm is a dancer... ♪
> ♪ Water, fire, air, and dirt ♪
♪ ...Magnets, how do they work? ♪
> ♪ I'm-a make you my b---- ♪
♪ Cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake... ♪
> Yeah...
> Yeah... >> Number 1: "New Kids on the Block had a
bunch of hits; Chinese food makes me sick..."
--"Summer Girls," by LFO.
> Do you remember?
Do you remember?
>> The second opening line to make our countdown,
the undisputed "stupidest lyric of all time" accolade
goes to LFO for this LOL effort.
> ♪ New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits ♪
♪ Chinese food makes me sick ♪
>> In truth, most of the lyrics to this song
might have scored top-spot, as the band put rhyme
very much before reason.
> ♪ You're the best girl that I ever did see ♪
♪ The great Larry Bird, jersey thirty-three ♪
>> New Kids on the Block DID have a bunch of hits,
and Chinese food might make some people sick.
But the two are never, ever going to be related.
> ♪ New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits ♪
♪ Chinese food makes me sick ♪
>> And exactly why they were in this lyric
is absolutely anybody's guess.
> ♪ Summer girls come and summer girls go ♪
♪ Some are worthwhile and some are so-so ♪
>> Do you agree with our list?
Whose stupid lyrics did we skip?
For more laughable Top 10s published every day,
be sure to subscribe to WatchMojo.com.
> ♪ New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits ♪
♪ Chinese food makes me sick ♪
♪ And I think it's fly when the girls stop by ♪
♪ For the summer... ♪
(Closed-captioned by Matthew Strittmatter)