- Oh, cool, this is great.
What can I do to improve our relationship?
- Listen.
- What?
- Ugh, Listen!
We fought over cheese last night!
(laughter)
You took the cheese off of my lasagna,
and you pissed me off 'cause you didn't listen to me!
And you think you're being cheeky
when you're not listening to me,
No, be cheeky in other places and just listen to me.
- Okay - Ugh.
Ooh, What did you learn from this video
and its responses that scared you or shocked you the most?
What shocked me the most was two things.
One, I was surprised at how
supportive a lot of people,
friends and family especially - Oh my gosh.
Were very supportive about it.
And they said that the video was like very us,
and I was like okay, that's cool.
And I was also,
Sorry I cut you off, what were you saying?
- No, I was just thinking about your mom.
Your mom was like "Oh, it was amazing"
- Yeah, exactly.
- Yeah.
- I was also shocked by,
there's some racist fucking people out there.
- Oh, yeah.
Thank you for shielding me against the racist comments,
'cause like I don't have time for it.
I'm a black woman,
I get exhausted easily, - You are?
Yeah, don't tell nobody.
But I get exhausted from it,
and I was like oh man.
Like you've been nice about like,
I'm not gonna tell you a racist comment
that'll ruin your day.
- No, not worth it.
- I enjoy what we are,
and never think about the outside aesthetic.
'cause it's like this is what we are.
This is why we're in this relationship.
- Yeah.
- I'm not in this to please anyone else,
other than us.
- Yeah, or we're also not in it to displease people.
There are a lot of people who take it personally.
In a way that I'm just like fuck you, who are you?
- That's really funny that the idea,
just like I think it's a funny idea
of people who are like no,
I'm getting married to displease people.
I was like - Yeah.
- I don't know, too much energy.
(laughter)
- Oh this is my favorite question so far.
- Uh oh.
- What's your secret go to weapon
to cheering me up that I'm aware that you're using?
- Oh man.
- Yeah!
- I'm sorry to your mom.
Handies.
- Hmm.
- There.
We have sex.
We're married. - Yeah.
- These are fine things.
Yeah, it's sex stuff.
- Sex stuff?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
When you can't sleep what do I do?
- All right.
- Yeah.
- All right, let's just-- - All right.
- My family's gonna watch this.
- Yeah.
When you can't sleep,
- Oh my god. (laughs)
We have sex. - Don't, don't.
It's what I do.
Oh.
Who do you think is truly funnier,
like straight up funnier and why?
- Oh, that's such a subjective question.
- I know, answer it.
(laughing)
- You're such a dick.
I mean you're more the showman for sure.
I think we're funnier in different ways.
You're--
- Who's funnier?
- You're funnier.
(laughs) Are you happy,
you're funnier.
- I think you're funny,
- Yeah, that's not what the question was,
- I know. - The question was
who's funnier.
You're funnier,
I think most people would agree.
You are funnier.
- I feel like it's a day to day thing.
I feel like there's days where I'm like
I don't wanna be funny.
I'm too busy being angry
'cause I'm a lady, and a woman,
and have invisible disabilities.
- And I'm like why are you muttering
that to yourself around the apartment.
- I know.
I think I definitely have my days where I'm just like,
ugh, I hate the world 'cause it's awful.
- Yeah, well we all have our bad days
but when the time comes to bring it,
you are always able to bring,
I've never seen you fail to bring it.
You are immensely talented.
And you are also like the only person
who doesn't see yourself as immensely talented.
And it's a little frustrating at times.
- Well,
you and I have talked about it.
It has everything to do with
the way I'm often represented,
and by I I'm speaking about like,
intersectional women, women of color,
is there's not a space for me.
And so it's really hard to enjoy it
if you're just running the marathon.
Like you don't want to look around
and see the trees no matter how beautiful it is,
because you're like this marathon,
and I started half an hour late because they made me.
It's really hard.
- I know.
- So thank you,
like, I. (sigh)
- I know what I signed up for
and I know, - Yeah.
As your husband, it is absolutely my job
to remind you of how amazing you are.
I think the advantage of being married
to you is I do get to see it.
And as your husband,
it is absolutely my job to try to let you see what I see.
- I have so many questions off of that.
Well, all right I was gonna go for it
but I think - No, let's do it.
The question I have is like,
I still, and we've talked about this as like,
I think it's just so hard
'cause I married a white man.
And you have a way-- - Oh, its me.
- Ha, you're the white guy.
And it's an interesting experience
'cause we're doing the same things.
- Mhm.
And I guess my question for you is
"Do you think that impacts the visual,
"like who is funnier?"
Because I've had to fight harder.
- I don't know,
I think that's like a whole different documentary.
(laughter)
I don't know if that's like something
that can be answered with a quip.
- No, that's why I tried to take another card.
- Yeah.
- It's not an easy answer,
'cause it's the thing we keep talking about,
we talk about all of the time.
- Yeah, but I'm limited in different ways,
less visible ways.
- Yes.
- I'm limited more by economics.
- Yeah I know.
- I have a lot of visibility as a straight white guy.
For sure, there's no denying that.
And anyone who'd deny, you know.
But, I have been limited in that
my access to certain avenues has been
limited by my finances. - Yeah.
- It's not, like I said,
it's not even apples and oranges.
It's like apples and race cars.
They're different.
- Why would you compare apples to race cars?
(both mumble)
- Yeah.
- No, it's a question. - Yeah.
- That's why I was gonna move on
'cause you know I've asked this.
I believe a ton of times. - Oh yeah.
- 'Cause it's the thing that makes me like,
once I feel like we've come to a solid negotiation
then I'm like, baby time.
It's the like,
what will it be like for you to have a son,
that would be viewed as black.
Like that's the - Or daughter.
Or daughter. - Or daughter.
- Specifically, in the climate we live in.
- A son is,
I hate to say it, dangerous.
It is dangerous.
It's one of the reasons,
one of the many reasons I'm very,
you know,
I try to support as many causes as I can.
Because I see the writing on the wall,
and I see what's going on in the country,
and I don't-- - You mean Black Lives Matter.
Yeah.
Well Black Lives Matter, LGTBQ rights, all of that stuff.
'Cause we don't know what our kid's gonna be,
but I want them to have the same access, and rights,
and everything that that you or I have.
Especially me.
(laughs)
- Yeah, I was like you or me? - Yeah, especially me.
No, I get it.
Like, I get it.
I'm a straight white guy,
I have a lot going for me in society,
and I don't see any reason why--
- Sorry, that just,
it's one of those things.
I know you say that as fact.
Oh man.
As a black woman every time I hear that
I'm like "Oh it hurts!"
It'll never stop hurting a little bit!
Until it's better.
- Yeah, I have a lot of agency in society,
and I think if we have a biracial trans kid I want them to
be able to do all the same things I'm able to do.
I would, and I do.
I do my best to do what I can.
- Yeah, I was like don't you whitesplain to me.
(laughter)
I was like, I do everything I can,
and I was like,
I was like "Don't make me talk about your white fragility."
I'm trying - I know.
- As best I can,
and that's something that I can help with to an extent,
You know that, I'm always gonna
be there for you. - I know,
and I tried to explain to somebody.
I was like yeah,
just 'cause I'm a black woman who identifies
with being black and a woman doesn't mean.
Like the one night I cornered you and I was like
have you dealt with your white fragility, and you're like
no! - No!
- I was like, all right.
That's it, that's all the answer
I wanted at 11PM on a Sunday.
I don't know why,
but that's when I was in a rage.
- When you knew you married right.
(laughter)