Today’s question is: What did Jesus mean when He instructed us to hate our father and mother (Luke
14:26)? In this video I’ll answer that question from a biblical perspective. Then afterwards,
as always, I’ll share some helpful resources, so stick around until the end.
First, we must take this verse in the context of the chapter. Jesus is teaching His disciples,
and, like any good teacher, He gets His students thinking. In this case, He begins with a truth
statement that is hard to understand. Then He clarifies it with a metaphor. The truth statement
is Luke 14:26, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children,
brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple.” It seems that,
if we don’t hate our family, we can’t be Jesus’ disciple. Or is there more to this issue?
Following the statement that we must “hate” our father and mother,
Jesus relates a metaphor about a man who builds a house without first counting
the cost. The man finds that he cannot follow through with what he set out to do. He leaves
the house unfinished because he cannot pay what is required. Jesus’ illustration helps
explain His difficult statement about hating our mother and father—namely,
we must count the cost of being a disciple. There is a cost, and that is the point of the passage.
In order to be a disciple, we must be willing to give up everything for Jesus. Following Jesus
requires commitment and faithfulness, even if our parents choose not to follow the Lord. If
and when we are faced with the painful choice of loyalty to family versus loyalty to Jesus,
we must choose Jesus. Even if our family members disown us—or worse—for being Christians,
we must follow Christ. It is in this sense that we are “hating” our family.
Jesus’ command to “hate father and mother” requires us to prioritize our relationship
with Jesus over our relationship with parents, siblings, and other family members.
Of course, it is right to love our family members, and we want them to love and follow God.
Elsewhere, Jesus confirmed the fifth commandment that we honor our fathers and mothers. And Paul
sternly warned that “anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own
household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8). Jesus’ statement
that we “hate” father and mother must be seen in relation to the whole of Scripture. His point is
not that we are to be heartless toward our families, only that we must love Him more.
We must not forget that included in Jesus’ condition that a follower must “hate” his
father and mother is the condition that he likewise hate “even his own life” (Luke
14:26). Jesus is not teaching an emotional hatred of one’s parents any more than He is
teaching self-hatred. The emphasis is on self-denial and absolute surrender.
Immediately following is Jesus’ instruction to “carry your own cross” (Luke 14:27).
Some other translations make Jesus’ meaning a little clearer: “If you want to be my disciple,
you must hate everyone else by comparison” (Luke 14:26, NLT),
and the Amplified Bible says that a follower of Christ must “hate” his family members “in
the sense of indifference to or relative disregard for them in comparison with his
attitude toward God.” It is a “hatred” by comparison, not an absolute hatred.
The word hate in Luke 14:26 deserves a closer look. In the Hebrew Scriptures,
the contrast between “love” and “hatred” is sometimes used to communicate preference.
For example, in dealing with inheritances in polygamous marriages, the Mosaic Law referred
to “two wives, one beloved, and another hated” (Deuteronomy 21:15). This is a good,
literal translation. There was a “loved” wife and a “hated” wife. Other translations usually
soften the “hated” wife to be “unloved” or “less loved.” The law was not indicating
emotional hatred on the part of the husband, only preference. One wife was preferred over
the other. We have a similar use of the love/hate idiom in Malachi 1:2–3.
Many Christians will never have to make the painful choice of turning their backs on their
family in order to follow Christ. But, around the world, there are many other Christians who
face shunning, disowning, or persecution from their families. These believers,
if they are to be true to Christ, are forced to live in a way perceived as “hateful” toward
their “father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters.” All believers are called
to acknowledge the lordship of Christ and show Him preference over all earthly ties.
Those who must sacrifice earthly relationships have this promise: “No one who has left home
or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel will
fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers,
children and fields—along with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life” (Mark 10:29–30).
Want to learn more? Subscribe so you don’t miss the next video! Visit GotQuestions.org
for more great content. And check out the details section below this video,
there you’ll find one book I recommend, along with links to several related questions. If
you’d like to learn about Bible Munch, or if you’re interested in Bite-sized devotionals,
subscribe to Bible Munch on YouTube, it’s linked right here. Now remember,
Got questions? The Bible has answers, we’ll help you find them!