-Hello and welcome back to our makeshift studio
in an attic crawl space.
So far, we've migrated from the hallway to the garage
to the living room to the attic.
And you may be wondering
what's that little door behind me?
Is it where we keep our camping gear?
Or is it a door to another dimension?
And how about that tiny chair?
Is it for my kids,
or is that where the attic hobbit smokes his pipe
and reminisces about the Battle of the Five Armies?
I'm sorry to say I'll never tell.
Now, we're all bracing for a very difficult few weeks --
or months, but there are things the federal government
could be doing right now to help us get through this.
Instead, the president has essentially
abdicated his responsibility
and left the states up to themselves.
For more on this, it's time for "A Closer Look."
♪♪
A pandemic like this requires a centralized federal Response.
You know how Republicans always complain about big government?
Well, how sweet would a big government be right now?
Because I don't know about you,
but this tiny government stuff sucks.
It's like being on the top floor of a burning building,
but instead of a catch net, the firemen show up
with a little workout trampoline.
Feels like right now
we've largely been left to fend for ourselves.
For example, for weeks we were told that masks don't work
and that we shouldn't wear them.
Now all of a sudden, the CDC is considering
recommending mask usage for all Americans.
You might want answers about what you should be doing
to protect yourself and others
and why the government is changing its position.
Instead, the best advice the president could offer on Tuesday
was this --
-You know, you can use a scarf.
A scarf is -- everybody -- a lot of people have scarves.
And you can use a scarf. A scarf would be very good.
I would say do it. But use a scarf if you want.
I mean, most people have scarves and scarves are very good.
-Oh, great. So now the president is Martha Stewart.
[ As Trump ] Using a blanket, a bike helmet,
and some Saran wrap, you can make your own hazmat suit.
Homemade. Pretty great.
[ Normal voice ] But it's true. Most people do have scarves
and no one has more scarves than Lenny Kravitz.
So breathe easy, everyone. Lenny Kravitz is in the clear.
I mean, obviously the man has been preparing
for this moment his entire life. I mean, look at that.
Not only can he use that scarf,
he can share it with two other people
while maintaining a six-foot difference.
Now, it's true, there is evidence that wearing a mask
or some other kind of face covering,
even something rudimentary,
can prevent asymptomatic spread of the disease.
You can wear a bandanna. You can wear a cloth.
Just don't be a guy who wears a Jason mask.
I mean, one, it's freaky, and two, it literally has holes.
Jason, come on, man, that mask is not approved by the CDC.
Haven't you killed enough people, Jason?
Now, the president could have gone into detail about that
or any other number of other important issues
during his briefing on Wednesday, but instead,
he chose to brag about this --
-Did you know I was number one on Facebook?
I mean, I just found out I'm number one on Facebook.
I thought that was very nice.
-What the [bleep] are you talking about, man?
You're in the middle of a deadly pandemic,
and you're bragging about how popular you are on Facebook?
First of all, of course you're popular on Facebook.
It's the preferred method of communication
of drunk aunts and people who still own flip phones.
Being number one on Facebook is like, I don't know,
having the #1 album in Belgium.
I mean, good for you, I guess.
But your album probably sucks.
And by the way, that's not even true.
You only have 28 million followers on Facebook.
Barack Obama has 53 million.
I wish someone would point that out to Trump
because it would annoy the hell out of him.
He'd force the CDC to update its coronavirus guidelines.
One, stay home. Two, wash your hands.
Three, follow Donald Trump on Facebook,
but stay six feet away from Barack Obama.
[ As Trump ] We've heard he's Facebook friends with Tom Hanks.
So his page definitely, definitely has it now.
[ Normal voice ] The fate we're currently enduring
and the months of hardship ahead were not inevitable.
Hundreds of thousands of people dying,
a national lockdown that has disrupted daily life --
None of that had to happen.
I mean, just look at countries that managed
to successfully contain the crisis --
Countries much closer to China, the source of the outbreak,
like Taiwan.
-Taiwan is just off the coast of mainland China.
Millions travel between Taiwan and the Chinese mainland.
Johns Hopkins University had predicted that Taiwan
would have the second-most COVID-19 cases in the world.
But today, there are 80 countries and territories
with more than Taiwan's 329 cases.
-Taiwan has succeeded at containing COVID-19
starting at arrival.
The first step Taiwan took was identifying possible cases.
Lee told authorities she'd had a cough in the last two weeks.
So security escorted her to secondary screening.
She had her temperature taken like this woman,
and she got a COVID-19 test at the airport.
Taiwan uploads these results
into its national healthcare database.
After her bags were disinfected,
her ride home was in a government provided taxi
by herself.
One phone app allows Taiwan residents
to find stores with masks in stock.
Another app provides information on all of those
who are COVID-19 positive, where they've been,
and their case histories.
-Holy [bleep] They take your temperature,
give you a test, disinfect your bags,
give you a ride home,
an app that tells you where to buy masks,
and you get six months of Showtime free of charge.
Quarantine yourself and don't come out
until you've watched every episode of "Shameless."
That's certainly better than what our government is doing.
Compare that to when you arrive at an airport in the U.S.
The closest anyone comes to taking your temperature
is when a TSA agent gives you a full cavity search
because you accidentally packed a bottle of shampoo
that was larger than 3.4 ounces.
Or if you don't want to look at Taiwan,
take Iceland, another country that's using advanced strategies
to track and isolate cases of coronavirus,
including detective work.
-For the past few weeks, Detective Gestur Palmason
has been chasing down leads and pursuing suspects.
He's on the hunt for COVID-19,
where he and dozens of other detectives
are tracking every single case of coronavirus in the country.
-As quickly as we can, we have to reach everyone
that might have been in contact with someone who's positive
and try to stop them before they get in contact with more people.
-They literally have detectives tracking down cases.
Not only is that an effective method
for containing the disease,
it's also a great premise for a Netflix crime drama
starring Kenneth Branagh as Detective Gestur Palmason.
Hey, Kenneth, so excited to be working with you.
Have you worked on an Icelandic accent?
[ British accent ] I think I'll just use my British accent.
[ Normal voice ] Yeah, but, no, it takes place in Iceland,
so everyone will have an Icelandic accent.
[ British accent ] No, I think everyone else
should be British, too.
[ Normal voice ] Yeah, but Kenneth, won't that be weird?
[ British accent ] I'm sorry, friend.
Those are the Kenny Branagh rules.
[ Normal voice ] And that was an extended bit
for people who have seen BBC's production
of the Swedish crime drama "Wallander."
Hey, the attic shows are going to have
some deep cuts, everybody.
Thems the rules.
One of the biggest takeaways of Iceland's approach
is that by aggressively testing everyone,
they've been able to avoid having to lock down
their entire country the way we've had to.
-It's very important to test very aggressively.
We put those who test positive in isolation.
And we do contact tracing very aggressively, also.
We put all contacts in quarantine.
And it's interesting that more than half of those
who we are diagnosing now are actually in quarantine
when they're diagnosed, which means that our policy
of quarantine is probably very effective
in minimizing the epidemic.
-This has allowed authorities here to delay the closure
of bars and restaurants like in many other major cities.
Some stores remain open.
People still walk the streets and explore the great outdoors.
-They still get to go outside.
And their outside is awesome.
They have lagoons and volcanoes.
The closest thing we have to a lagoon here in the U.S.
is Disney's Typhoon Lagoon, and that thing is germ city.
They should call it Typhoid Lagoon.
So in Iceland, they get to go outside.
Meanwhile, in New York, to go outside,
you have to wrap your head in scarves
and swerve into the street to keep a distance of six feet
from people on the sidewalk.
At this point, you're better off just hitching a ride
on the back of a garbage truck.
New Yorkers aren't used to avoiding people.
They're used to bumping into people.
That's why the line in "Midnight Cowboy"
was, "Hey, I'm walking here!"
not, "Hey, I'm trying to maintain
a safe distance of at least six feet here!"
And then there's South Korea,
which had its first case on the exact same day
that we had our first case.
They deployed massive nationwide testing
to track and contain the spread of the disease.
As Fox News found out on Wednesday,
when they invited a doctor on who was much more critical
of the Trump administration than they were probably expecting.
-Now, what we hear every night is that the tests,
that there are millions of tests available.
And yet, we don't have that pinprick blood test you can get,
you know, at your local doctor and know in 15 minutes.
But they're working on it.
-Yeah, they're working on it.
They should have been working on it for months.
So the fact is we knew about this from the WHO when?
December 31st, 2019.
So last year, we knew about this.
We needed this months ago.
You look at Korea, Korea -- South Korea and the U.S.
had their first official confirmed case
on the same date -- January 19th.
Let me say this -- January 19th.
You look at what South Korea did and what we did.
Their population is 1/6 of ours.
Look at the cases they have. Look at the mortality they have.
It's a trifle compared to what we're dealing with right now.
Because we've had a very weak response
and they had a really strong response.
-Oh, man. Fox news viewers never hear that kind of real talk.
You asked the wrong doctor.
That's like asking your weird Uncle if Santa's real.
[ Inhales sharply ] Not only is he not real,
he's just a construct of a consumeristic system
designed to melt your brains
before you learn to think for yourself.
Anyway -- ho, ho, ho.
I got you some scratchers.
Also, I love how long he shakes his head
while she's repeating Trump's talking points.
They should put that guy in a box on the screen
during all of Trump's press briefings.
-This is a flu. This is like a flu.
-So South Korea's contained the outbreak
with aggressive testing.
Meanwhile, here in the U.S.,
our president said in a conference call with governors,
he hadn't even heard about problems with testing.
-Do you have any system in place that you feel
can adequately identify cases and isolate them
and contact trace them?
Are there capabilities and resources there
that's not something you can do given with what you have?
-Dr. Fauci, we are trying to do contact tracing.
But literally, we are one day away
if we don't get test kits from the CDC
that we wouldn't be able to do testing in Montana.
We just don't have enough supplies to do the testing.
-Tony, you can answer if you want,
but I haven't heard about testing in weeks.
I haven't heard about testing being a problem.
-If you haven't heard about testing being a problem,
then you need to get tested to see if you have a problem
like a hearing test or a vision test.
I mean, maybe Trump just can't read his briefings. Look at him.
Whenever he reads off a teleprompter,
he looks like he just finished 15 rounds with Apollo Creed.
And now that we've failed at testing,
we have to massively ramp up hospital capacity,
something the Trump administration
is also failing at.
For example, hospitals desperately need
life-saving ventilators.
And yet the president doesn't even know what they're called.
-We sent thousands of generators to New York.
The people in New York never distributed the generators.
-Ventilators! They're called ventilators!
Having this guy in charge is like sending your grandpa
to GameStop to pick up video games.
[ Elderly voice ] I need the new Line of Duty
for the X-Station Play-Box.
[ Normal voice ] Also, now is not the time
to send your grandpa to GameStop, you coward.
Just go, grandpa. You'll be safe.
Trump doesn't even know what ventilators are called.
[ As Trump ] Here are the emergency ventriloquists
you guys asked for.
[ Normal voice ] Oh, actually, we said ventilators.
[ As Trump ] I told you he said ventilators, you dummy.
[ High-pitched ] "I'm not the dummy.
You're the dummy!
[ Lower-pitched ] Why, I oughta!
[ Normal voice ] Now, Trump should have used his powers
under the Defense Production Act
to order companies to make ventilators weeks ago,
but he's only done it once during this pandemic,
even though his administration
has apparently used it repeatedly before this.
"The New York Times" reported that the Defense Production Act
has been invoked hundreds of thousands of times
in the Trump years.
But with the pandemic, the president sees it
as a "Break the Glass" last resort.
Hey, man. It's time to break the glass.
It was time to break the glass weeks ago.
Of course, knowing Trump, if he does have one of those
"Break glass in case of emergency" boxes
in the White House, it's probably not a fire alarm,
But, you know, like an emergency chicken wing.
And they probably have hundreds of them on the wall
because he breaks one every five minutes.
Sir, if you want a chicken wing, you can order it from the chef.
[ As Trump ] I didn't have time. It was an emergency.
[ Normal voice ] So now we have a situation
where states are begging for life-saving ventilators,
and the Trump team is in disarray.
The Pentagon says it still hasn't sent ventilators
because it hasn't been told where to send them.
And the "New York Times" reported
that thousands of ventilators in the stockpile don't work
because the government let the contract
to maintain the stockpile lapse last summer.
So now governors are literally outbidding each other
on the open market and dealing with shady middlemen
and price gouging to buy ventilators
wherever they can get them.
-Every state does its own purchasing.
So New York is purchasing. California's purchasing.
Illinois is purchasing.
We're all trying to buy the same commodity --
Literally the same exact item.
So you have 50 states competing to buy the same item.
We all wind up bidding up each other
and competing against each other
where you now literally will have a company
call you up and say, "Well, California just outbid you."
It's like being on eBay
with 50 other states bidding on a ventilator.
-It's the Wild West.
And these are crazy markets, and you get a lot of bad actors.
-It's more like surge pricing on Uber,
only at the last moment, the car drives away
because somebody has outbid you.
-That's right. Governors are comparing
buying life-saving ventilators for a pandemic to surge pricing.
This is capitalism at its absolute worst.
While Trump waits for the market to decide,
people are literally going to die
and states are getting ripped off.
Like they're frying to call an Uber in the rain in Midtown
after a Broadway show.
And even worse, the ventilators come with a driver
who won't stop trying to make a conversation
even though you're very clearly trying to take a nap.
And you'll never guess who's in charge of this [bleep] show --
The guy Slender Man has nightmares about --
Jared Kushner.
That's right. The real Slim Shady has been put in charge
of the ventilator problem.
And after New York Governor Andrew Cuomo said publicly
that his state needed 30,000 more ventilators,
apparently Kushner pushed back.
Kushner told people that Cuomo is being an alarmist.
"I have all this this data about ICU capacity.
I'm doing my own projections,
and I've gotten a lot smarter about this.
New York doesn't need all the ventilators.
Oh, oh, you're doing your own projections?
Did your parents just buy you a TI-84?
You're not qualified to do anything,
let alone tell New York how many ventilators they need.
You're a nepotism case,
and you only got the White House job
because you married into the family
and because the security guards believed your fake I.D.
"You are good to go, Mr. Cowboy.
And, hey, give that virus hell for us."
I hope when the time for accountability comes,
we can all remember that it didn't have to be like this.
Other countries responded to this pandemic with competence
and they avoided the worst.
Now we're bracing for an unimaginable tragedy.
And as we speak, the president is leaving besieged states
and hospitals to fend for themselves,
putting lives at risk. But hey, at least...
-Most people have scarves. -This has been "A Closer Look."
♪♪
Stay safe. Wash your hands. We love you.