It's not my job to fix you.
Not expect so much out of people.
You are not the only thing in this relationship.
There's another person involved.
Let's face it.
Pretty much all of us have grown up with unrealistic relationship expectations.
whether we got them from Disney movies, rom-coms, or more recently that one
seemingly perfect couple on Instagram.
But research has shown that the lower the relationship expectations the happier the couple.
So it's about time we got real about what these relationship expectations are
why we seem to be so drawn to them
and most importantly, what we can do to get over them
and enjoy the imperfect but nonetheless rewarding relationships we actually have.
This is Llove, Lindsay Investigates and let's get into it.
So what are some unrealistic relationship expectations that you've had in your life?
Mostly when I was younger and I think it's common for young people–
just like if you're in a relationship your whole life is gonna be better and
everything will be fixed and of course that's not true at all and that's not
fair to pin on another person.
And why do you think young people in particular
do have this unrealistic relationship expectations?
Movies and stuff like that
that you know or that's presented as a total resolution for everything and it
just kind of sets up how you think about it.
How have you and your own personal life worked
to sort of like combat this unrealistic expectation?
Just kind of to build yourself up in a variety of places–
Having friends
that's also really important
I think just to have you know
gain sort of self-esteem from a lot of different areas.
So what is one unrealistic relationship expectation that you've had?
Person that you're dating to be honest with you all the time.
Nobody's never really honest all the time and that's pretty much what we expect.
And then when it doesn't turn out that way then you're
kind of like 'Oh well. No, I wanted you to be honest...'
And they are like 'Well, I was honest'
But this is just not what you were expecting.
Not expect so much out of people.
If you have such a high standard for the person that you date or
not even just a relationship, it could be a friendship.
You have and you hold somebody such a high regard
and then when they're unable to meet with you or do something
that you really have planned and that you looked forward to now,
you look at them a little bit differently.
So it shouldn't be that way.
I expected my partner to kind of drop everything for me,
which you realize they can't do that they have their own lives.
I guess just take a moment.
I mean, I've been in relationships and I obviously have been
I was selfish in them but I had to take time for myself to
understand what I wanted and also to love yourself
because a lot of it comes down to like
you don't have enough emotional security within yourself
to give somebody love,
and to give them trust and to like understand the person.
Sometimes I know I can be selfish.
When I'm busy, I can't be with my partner
but I expect him to be available when I am
and that has caused a friction in the past.
And so, how have you and your partner worked together to get over that?
Not sure that we worked it out but
just knowing our schedules and knowing when I'm available and
knowing when he's available and then finding that middle at that time
we're both available to hang out.
And I think a lot of big influences for people
come from their parents and from the adults and the relationships that they
have exposure to growing up.
And so if you grow up and you have parents
who seem to be the ideal to you, and you don't see how they got to that point.
You might just think that's how you end up in that point.
I think that's part of life–
It's kind of navigating expectations and reality, right?
We've all been in circumstances where you feel–
You should be treated one way and people treat you a different way.
And we're disappointed because of that or not.
I think that's part of life where we're just kind of always
navigating expectations and reality.