I think one of the most attractive qualities that a person can have is a deep sense of self-confidence.
There's something energetic about it that can make literally anybody more attractive like this goes beyond
anything that you could potentially wear, any sort of haircut, any sort of physical change that you can make to yourself.
This goes way beyond that.
This is something that I believe you can feel, really, like again, on an energy level, and
it's something that you can sense when somebody is
comfortable in their own skin, you can feel it. Skill definitely plays a part, but have you ever seen somebody dance
so
committedly that it doesn't even matter what they're doing? You're-you're vibing with it, you know, you're connecting with them.
There's an elusive beauty to that. There's something
amazing about that. However, this is obviously
a very elusive feeling for a lot of us. I'm regularly amazed by my own psychology,
in that it feels sometimes, or oftentimes, like there are two separate Nathans. There's the ballsy, confident,
Nathan, and insecure Nathan, and they feel, in many ways, like two completely different people. Um,
and yet
they aren't, I guess, and that is one of the fascinating
things about being a human being right you can be contradictory things. So talking about this always makes me think of
a section in, I just looked it up, I guess it was
in the Half-Blood Prince from the Harry Potter series where Harry basically pretends to give Ron
a potion, Felix Felicis, I believe it was called,
Felix Felicis.
Wait, hold on. Apparently this potion gives you good luck. Okay, and Harry pretended to give it to Ron,
and it worked as a placebo, and that boosted his confidence, and it worked: it helped him play better at Quidditch.
I think that was very intentionally
written that way. It's a very very clear example of the psychology at play.
This is funny for me to talk about because I'm really not, like, a huge Potterhead. I enjoyed the books, but I read them, like,
probably 15 years ago.
But I think this is like the best example that I can think of. It's-it's-it really embodies what i'm trying to articulate here,
and I think we must all find there's a very delicate balance between
external things that help boost confidence, that can work
and
something deeper. Something internal. There are some people that radiate a level of
well-being, I suppose,
regardless of what they look like. Regardless of what they're wearing, and that is something that really interests me. I guess
for lack of a better way of wording things, I'm interested in living more like Ballsy
Nathan, right, and not so much like Insecure Nathan.
I'm not here to give advice but my current conclusions are that taking action is good for me. I already spend
more than enough time in my own head. There's a part of me that knows that
people, from an outside perspective,
do not see me the same way that I see me, and they're definitely not as obsessed with little
inconsequential details as I am. Do I look like I'm sweating like-like a pig? No, you look good. *laughter*
Okay, so glasses are off because if I wear my glasses right here, I find the reflection from the windows a little bit distracting,
so they're off. I took a couple of days to really think about and reflect on where I believe
my own self-confidence comes from. Pinpointing it as concretely as possible, so that this can be,
um, useful to anybody watching. I think, ah,
it's a very abstract topic, so it's-it's a little bit difficult to do that. None of this is scientific,
I'm sure an expert on this subject could give a much more precise definition,
um, let me remind you you are watching a random dude on the internet, but
regardless, I do want to share. I do want to share where I think this comes from, for me. Now
I think there are multiple pieces that come together to make this possible
and the first, for me, is belief. It's tricky using this word, actually, because if you look up the definition of belief it is:
"Trust or confidence in something or someone," and if you look up the definition of confidence,
many dictionaries use the word "belief" in in the definition,
so we kind of have a problem here. Which comes first, the chicken or the egg?
I think it's safe to say that these are two concepts that are deeply intertwined and feed off of each other.
Now, this is entirely just my opinion here,
but there's something about belief that feels deeper than confidence.
And when I say self-confidence stems from my belief, I'm talking about belief in my abilities
Which can look like many different things including,
quite simply, my ability to solve problems in a way that's difficult to articulate fully. I think this can only come from
experience, from doing, from demystifying,
and belief goes beyond just my own abilities, right? It can be
belief in ideas, in systems, or if you don't believe in the system that you find yourself in, belief that there's another way,
another system.
It's about finding your language, and like I said, belief and confidence are interconnected,
right, and they feed off of each other, and so, in a way we we have to find ways to
trick ourselves into these cycles that can
build and grow. Now, the other major element that I can think of, for me personally, beyond belief
that is necessary in having a sense of, or building a sense of self-confidence is "well-being," which I can say for me boils down to
the ability to accept myself, accept my body, accept the person that I am. Definitely easier said than done.
This is the basis from which you can build,
um, and once again
very interestingly. I find that, for me to have a sense of well-being,
I also must have this a sense of belief, a sense of confidence already, and so
the tricky thing about all this is that it's all already connected, and there isn't an easy starting point.
I think we're all looking for, in some form or another,
the potion, Felix Felicis, right, the potion that Ron thought he drank,
and this can look like many different things. In the world that we live in, it can look like alcohol, it can look like
clothing that you wear, it can look like
so, so many things. You don't need me to list off all the examples, and there are plenty of people out there
more than happy to
sell you the cosmetic solution to your insecurities, or the product to solve your deficiencies,
but if these things just worked,
and solved the problem, there wouldn't be this sustaining demand that we so clearly see. My takeaways from
this line of thinking are that: if I were looking to boost my self-confidence, I would look at my life in terms of
"well-being" and "belief." Forget about confidence for a second.
In a way, I think confidence is really just a byproduct.
It is the result of many other things. I regularly ask myself a couple of simple questions
because I too am trying to figure this out, as much as any of you. I asked myself;
"What are the things contributing to, or taking away from, a sense of belief in my life, in my mission,
in my projects, in my ideas?" and "What are the things contributing to, and taking away from, a sense of
well-being in my life and the relationship that I have with myself, with how I feel in my own skin?"
And while so many of us get lost in that blind pursuit of external solutions to our
insecurities, our feelings of insecurity,
which is a trap that I fall into as much as anybody else,
I do try to remind myself to come back to a place of investing instead, in the intrinsic
things that will boost my own sense of well-being and belief in my own values. What do you think?
Addicted to these castles, like, what the hell? *laughter*