how you doing I'm wonderful sir how are
you I'm doing well how was your
engagement going congratulations be
honest the odds are stacked against man
this is my personality could go either
way
are you planning a wedding are you deep
in that right now I'm not sir
you're not here's what I've noticed
about when you at least when I get
engaged my friends start giving me
advice based on the fact that they don't
want to come to a wedding really all my
friends like you should have a small
wedding it's a small wedding just you
and your guy and nobody else that's
weird
the other friends coming loud and clear
your fiance is Myles correct correct and
what does he do for work don't know you
do not know it does does it even matter
to you I'm a big star not a shallow
person but I am on the edge of my seat
in terms of what he does he's trying to
explain it to me a couple times I'm more
confused every time I hear the
explanation but it's kind of keeps it
hot it's like the first date I'm like
what do you do sir that lives with me
that's how we handled my dad for like 40
years but nobody knew what he did like
is he in show business he's not in show
business which I think I needed I think
for me like I think there should be one
famous person in the relationship one
person in like the public eye I see I
find the key to a healthy relationship
is having power you can lord over the
other person definitely intimacy is all
about leverage like I can trap him you
can't cheat on me what's he gonna do
talk about it on Jimmy Kimmel
good luck cheating on me is he like
involved in like is he interested in the
whole show business thing celebrities or
what I was actually worried because like
you meeting celebrities I mean it is
weird sometimes especially in the
beginning I was really worried about
bringing him to your wife's birthday
party
Malik Mo had it made because there were
famous people there and you never know
how you're gonna react to a famous
person like when I first started meeting
famous people I did some very stupid
things I said when I was 25 years old I
met samuel l.jackson and i got
starstruck and it manifested in me being
unable to censor my thoughts so I
started saying the things that I was
thinking out loud to Sam Jackson he
introduced himself to me and I responded
with hi I'm Whitney Cummings how much
money do you have
he responded with a number that I now
know it was a very high number but at
the time I didn't know anything about
Hollywood or celebrities or money so I
thought every celebrity had 1 billion
dollars right - yeah so he said a very
high number to me it's just sounded low
at the time so I responded with oh
that's it you don't stay in touch I'm
guessing not so much I have to live with
that every day and so I get the idea of
you know being nervous so he came to
your party he's also not a big comedy
guy like he's watches movies like with
machines that fly around I say okay
maybe so he beats you no problem he
meets Jason Bateman no problem Matt
Damon no problem I'm like this guy
doesn't care about it you get into the
party
you go ahead making sure you guys look
like you're not shallow it's good to
have a couple commenters around okay
all right and so we're doing great we
sit down the great JJ Abrams comes and
sits says hello to everybody I know
national treasurer JJ Abrams the most
gracious kind weirdly kind person says
hi to everyone
introduces himself to my fiancee my
fancy it goes cold and says what's up
dude it's your name oh did he not know
oh he knows this is a man who stands in
line to get into Star Wars movies on
that it was very clear that he was
having some kind of manic break I see
and felt that the best way to deal with
JJ Abrams was to just emotionally abuse
him JJ to his credit was so sweet he was
like I'm JJ I think he's seen this
before just start to emotionally
meltdown around him and then my fiance
couldn't stop there my fancy went off so
what do you do man oh he did yeah yeah
JJ Abrams was so nice but he said oh I
make movies it just got worse and worse
and I was paralyzed with shame I was so
embarrassed that I just froze and then
my fancy froze neither of us were
talking to JJ Abrams was that what did
you just do and he was like I read in a
magazine that celebrities want to be
treated like everyone else
[Laughter]
well I hope he's learned and the next
time maybe you'll have a nice
interaction with Jade I hope so or well
I want it first of all your special is
very funny thank you and I watched it i
watch it from the beginning to the very
very end where you made this sex world
bad no this sex robot do you use it okay
to reveal the name of the love course
spoiler alert okay well you go ahead her
name is bear claw her name is Bella
looks like you and you brought her she's
here
she brought her to me for questions
yeah that's for anything our copies of
you available for sale I wish I was for
sale so I didn't have to live with me
she's living with you how much is this
thing way to sex robot I think that's
how much does it costs yeah you talking
to Sam Jackson she weighs she's a
hundred and twenty pounds of deadweight
uh-huh carrying her around is a living
nightmare
if you do get a robot of yourself I
strongly advise you to unplug your ring
camera because I had a situation where I
can oh no this is your actual ring
camera here hold me carrying her into
the house and that's miles that's miles
what's hard
well he's positioned well and
I mean that's a that's a threesome
you're having family I forgot that I was
on a shared neighborhood watch community
Oh where we would share each other's
rain cameras oh yes shortly after that
video a security guard I didn't even
know we had security abroad came by and
was like ma'am there are some concerned
citizens in the neighborhood that would
like to know what's going on I was like
oh my god oh my god I you probably think
that was a dead body I totally get it it
wasn't come inside it's just a robot
that looks exactly like me and he was
much more alarmed when he found it it
was not a dead no he oh he would have
been preferred to die like I would much
rather you have murdered an innocent one
well it is it's fascinating that world
you dip your toe into their the bed
swing it's detailed in Whitney's special
it's called Whitney Cummings can I touch
it it is on Netflix now Whitney Cummings
everyone hi I'm Jimmy Kimmel if you want
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