YOU KNOW, I'M A PRETTY DEEP GUY.
IN FACT, I'LL OFTEN ASK MYSELF LIFE'S BIG QUESTIONS, LIKE --
"WHY AM I HERE?" AND, "WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN?"
AND, "DID THAT GUY AT STARBUCKS REALLY THINK MY NAME WAS KYLE OR
DAVID OR DID A JUST TAKE DAVID'S COFFEE?
( LAUGHTER ) SOMETIMES I NEED TO EXPRESS
THESE THOUGHTS, THOUGHTS THAT CAN ONLY BE UNDERSTOOD BY
ANOTHER VERY DEEP A-LIST CELEBRITY.
IT'S TIME FOR "BIG QUESTIONS WITH EVEN BIGGER STARS!"
♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE ) WOW.
LOOK AT THAT SKY.
THE STARS ARE SO BEAUTIFUL.
I WONDER WHAT THEY'RE MADE OF...
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> IT'S ELEMENTARY, MY DEAR
STEPHEN.
>> STEPHEN: HEY, BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH!
>> HEY, STEPHEN COLBERT.
LIKE I WAS SAYING, THEY'RE LITERALLY "ELEMENTARY."
LIKE HELIUM AND CARBON AND STUFF.
>> STEPHEN: RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, I'M NOT SURPRISED TO SEE YOU HERE.
YOU SEEM LIKE THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO HAS PROFOUND THOUGHTS.
>> IT'S THE ACCENT.
>> STEPHEN: RIGHT.
HEY BENEDICT?
>> YEAH, STEPHEN?
>> STEPHEN: DO YOU EVER WONDER HOW YOUR LIFE WOULD BE DIFFERENT
IF YOU WERE BORN IN A DIFFERENT PLACE?
>> NOT REALLY.
I THINK ENGLAND IS THE ONLY PLACE THAT MAKES PEOPLE NAMED
"BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH."
( LAUGHTER ) HEY S.C.?
>> STEPHEN: YEAH, B.C.?
>> WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR LAST THOUGHT WILL BE?
>> STEPHEN: PROBABLY-- "PARACHUTE!"
( SNAPS FINGERS ) YEAH.
BERTY?
>> STEPHEN: HEY, BATCHY?
IS HAPPEN NECESSARY THE SAME AS JOY?
>> NO.
I DATED JOY FOR YEARS AND SHE WAS NOT HAPPY.
STEVE?
>> STEPHEN: BENEDICT TIMOTHY CARLTON CUMBERBATCH, COMMANDER
OF THE BRITISH EMPIRE?
>> DO YOU THINK IT'S POSSIBLE THAT DOLPHINS ARE SMARTER THAN
HUMANS?
>> STEPHEN: YES.
FOR ONE THING, THEY FIGURED OUT HOW TO GET INTO SEAWORLD FOR
FREE.
( LAUGHTER ) HEY, DOCTOR STRANGE?
>> YES, DOCTOR EXCEEDINGLY NORMAL?
>> STEPHEN: DO YOU THINK IT'S POSSIBLE WE'RE ALL JUST LIVING
INSIDE A VIDEO GAME?
>> NO.
BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW MANY WHITE PILLS I EAT, THE GHOSTS STILL
FOLLOW ME EVERYWHERE.
>> STEPHEN: WAKA-WAKA-WAKA!
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
IS IT A STAR?
>> IS IT OR A SOV YET SATELLITE.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
>> Stephen: HEY BENNIE BATCH?
>> YEAH, STEPHEN COLE-SLAW?
>> STEPHEN: IS THERE A NUMBER SO LARGE THAT THE HUMAN MIND CANNOT
EVEN COMPREHEND IT?
>> YES.
IT'S THE AMOUNT OF MONEY BEING MADE BY THE AVENGERS.
>> STEPHEN: WOW.
>> YEAH, I THINK WE'RE UP TO VENTI-GRILLION DOLLARS.
HEY, S?
>> STEPHEN: YEAH, B?
>> DO YOU BELIEVE THERE ARE ANY MYSTERIES HUMANITY CAN'T SOLVE?
>> STEPHEN: NO, YOU USUALLY WRAP THEM UP BY THE END OF THE
SEASON.
( LAUGHTER ) >> WELL, ACTUALLY, EACH EPISODE
IS A SELF-CONTAINED MYSTERY.
>> STEPHEN: WELL, SURE, BUT THERE ARE OVERARCHING QUESTIONS
THAT RUN THROUGH MULTIPLE EPISODES.
EVEN MULTIPLE SERIES.
LIKE THE WHOLE MORIARITY THING.
WHAT'S GOING THERE?
>> HE'S DEAD.
I THOUGHT WE MADE THAT PRETTY CLEAR.
>> STEPHEN: HE'S STILL LEAVING YOU MESSAGES!
>> HE'S GONE, STEPHEN!
IT'S OVER!
>> STEPHEN: SEE?
THIS IS WHY I'M A WATSON FAN.
( LAUGHTER ) >> YOU WOULD BE!
>> STEPHEN: HEY, BENEDICTATOR?
>> YEAH, COLBERT FORCE ONE?
>> STEPHEN: WOULD YOU RATHER FIGHT A LOBSTER THE SIZE OF A
BEAR, OR TWENTY BEARS THE SIZE OF LOBSTERS?
>> HMMM.
NEITHER.
I'D RATHER JUST WAIT FOR THE DRUGS TO WEAR OFF.
( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: HOW LONG DOES THAT
USUALLY TAKE?
>> THE LENGTH OF A COMMERCIAL BREAK.
>> STEPHEN: PERFECT, WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS ONE WITH
MORE BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WAKA WAKA WAKA WAKA!