Never should have had the mulled wine first and then did the video.
[Meemers voice] It's a very special Christmas TL;DR with me, the grumpy Christmas Meems!
You put me in a sweater or I'll kill you, I'll kill all of you!
- Ooh! It is brisk today in Tokyo. - Ooh!
- We are gonna be filming a video today all about... - Christmas in Japan.
I paused because they were like BANG BANG BANG BANG!
Okay, we're trying again, ready?
- I can't do this, girl. - Yes, you can. Okay, ready?
- Gosh golly, it is cold! - Yep.
Ducky, I think today is the day that we should do a video on Christmas in Japan.
It's only right.
Let's tell people what it's all about on the coldest possible day in Tokyo.
We could have filmed this a week ago when it was warm, and 18.
- It was 20 degrees a few days ago! - It was 20 degrees!
But we were like, "Let's wait until almost Christmas to freeze our butts outside".
Let's warm up with some coffee!
Okay!
- Here! - Thanks.
It's for your lap.
Thanks love!
Love youuuuu.
- We even got samples. - Ooooh! - It's filled with Christmas Cheer!
What we got here, girl?
[Martina] It looks like... green slime, and red slime, and Halloween.
This doesn't feel like Christmas at all!
This is feels...sad!
So we're gonna try to warm up now with some Starbucks drinks, which
again, if we just shot last week it'd be really nice weather.
But now we're cold, and hunched over, and the Christmas cheer is lost on us.
[Simon] Well, what I have is a gingerbread latte which a lot of you might know, and you have a green...
sludge latte. What is that? - Okay, so...
Where's the Christmas of that?
Looks like it's got blood seeping down.
[Simon] It looks like a murdered Shrek.
- Okay, hang on. - All right.
Oh my god, it's like, so good.
(sad music)
Merry Christmas to the ground.
Merry Christmas to the GROUND!
Um, this is supposed to be something pistachio related. Like pistachio Merry Christmas.
And it took me a surprisingly long time to figure out why
pistachio would be part of the Christmas theme.
koo-ris-a-mas-u pan-keh-kee
THAT'S NOT CHRISTMAS.
That's just normal pancakes!
And then you drew a face on the whipped cream, that's it, look!
Normal.
Christmas.
Normal.
Chris- what is this atrocity?!
So, what's happening here? Pistachio seems to be the theme this year.
What's with pistachio with Christmas? Is it because it's green?
(gasp)
That's it, green and red.
[Simon] You solved it, Sherlock!
You broke the case, yet again!
I tried to use my pipe, and I'm like "how do you..."
What- what is a- how do you smoke a corncob pipe?
- Because I'm not used to having pistachio for Christmas. - Yeah.
- At all. So when we talk about
Christmas flavors with each other,
what are things that come to mind for you like if you were to describe it to somebody?
You mean what I grew up with, or what I saw in the media that I thought I was supposed to have?
Because you're supposed to have gingerbread, you're supposed to have like warm cinnamon, and apples,
and mulled wines, and I had none of that sh*t growing up.
But I saw it in movies, and I thought that's what people are supposed to have for Christmas.
Okay, so... uh...
I thought that was like regular...
This is the Ghost of Bitter Christmas Past!
No, you know, my flavors of Christmas were like turkey, and mashed potatoes, and cranberry.
- Yeah, same with me. - It's just like Easter.
- Yeah. - The only difference is that my dad would buy
Oh Henry bars from the Bulk Barn,
and he would hide them in the garage...
Yes.
Up until like Christmas Eve, because he knew that if they were in the house beforehand that I'd eat them sh*ts,
and then he'd bring them into the house.
Frozen solid! Like you were chewing on chocolate bones.
- Volume needs to go way down here, has some excitment. - That's my Christmas memory.
- It's still soundin' like the Ghost of Christmas Past. - I love it.
I still asked my parents if they could mail me some, because I missed that Christmas flavor.
Okay, so... that got really specific.
- Yes. Christmas flavors... - Most people...
I mean, I really have no relation for you except for turkey, and cranberry sauce, and gravy.
Eggnog, which our family never drank. Hot apple cider, which our family also didn't drink.
It was only until I started like, working at Starbucks that I tried eggnog.
That's what I thought like, white America ate for Christmas.
'Cause I didn't know anybody that had that flavor for Christmas,
none of my friends even had it. - Oh, right. Right.
'Cause you didn't even grow up in a neighborhood that's...
That's what you saw in like, a Chevy Chase movie for Christmas, you know?
Is this one of those things where none of us actually eat that?
Has any of us done this? - Has any of us even had...?
Wow this doesn't taste like Christmas at all, what is this crap?
Oh no!
The point that we're trying to get at is that there are distinctive flavors that we think of, like cranberry,
cinnamons, nutmegs,
orange, vanilla, cookie - sugar cookies. But those
[Simon] But those
flavor associations aren't really that big
culturally for Christmas in Japan.
Right, because Christmas in Japan doesn't have a long history
because it's not a Christian culture.
And I just don't think they watched Chevy Chase movies like I did. -That's it.
I mean, if you grew up watching Chevy Chase, you'd know. - That's it. Right?
And that's not to say that there aren't Japanese Christmas traditions.
This is the one that's the most interesting to every foreigner that first arrives in Japan.
[Martina] It's the Christmas KFC special.
So basically what happened was KFC had some dope marketing strategies, apparently, in the 1970s.
They started campaigning that Christmas and KFC go together.
I mean, it makes sense, we usually do turkey, right?
Apparently it caught on,
and now everybody even preorders their KFC Christmas specials months in advance.
And I even asked my friends, I'm like,
oh, it must be like a special KFC Christmas recipe.
Nah!
It's just KFC chicken. There's no difference, the only difference is it's a Christmas combo,
so it comes with like a cake, or it comes with like a special thing for Christmas.
That's it! Well done, KFC.
My hats are off to you.
"Martina, you should go inside!" What's that you? You want me to go inside and try some KFC?
Nah, sorry, I ate.
I've had so much better chicken after living in Korea. You live in Korea and you're like,
What is this, KF C? And you like, smack it off the table.
So, I can't really go back.
Once you go Korean fried chicken,
that's it for life.
(fancy music)
(upbeat music)
(Christmas rock music)
Oh, um. These are face masks, and it has nothing to do with the video.
We are just so cold that
we came in here to stall, so... ooh. - Ooh.
Oh, here! This is amazing. This is what I was looking for.
Oh, it's a foam liner that sticks into your face mask so that your glasses don't steam up.
Because I wore my mask here, because I'm still sick, and I took it off for the video for you guys. But I've just been...
infecting the city!
[Simon] Category is "Grocery Store Realness".
Oh no...
Did she just go out in public like that?
With the... what?
-I'm sick. -Yes, you are.
(Martina fake cough-crying)
[Simon] What the *bleep* is she wearing?
Out in public.
- [Simon] Who's ready for a shitty Christmas? - Oh, yeah.
The only thing that's tackier than my jacket is this!
[Simon] Gachapin Mukku!
Well, we're getting it, sir!
Excuse me!
Look, I'm done with all this filming outside nonsense. I'm old, and I'm cold
I'm trying to convey information to you, but I'm not National Geographic.
We're gonna do the rest of us indoors, think of the penguin - (gasp)
Oh, killer whales. - No.
David Attenborough. - No.
Christmas cakes.
Christmas cakes are a thing in Japan.
Order them, you can either go to a grocery store and fill out a flyer you get
yourself a Christmas cake, or you can get it at convenience stores as well.
You can get them even at like little bakeries you
preorder your cake. There's not a distinct flavor,
uh, that you have for the Christmas cake. You could just be like,
Oh, I'm gonna get *a* Christmas cake. Kind of like a birthday cake, there are many different kinds of birthday cakes.
[Martina] Oh, that's a really good way to say it. It's more about having the cake than it being a flavor.
[Simon] It's the cake that's the really big deal of it.
[Simon] What is the point of these tiny ass forks?
Do I look like I want to nibble my cake, or do I want to shove it down my throat as fast as I can?
This is not the right utensil for the job.
I really like your choice of sweater, matches mine very nice.
Why are you eating my cake? - [Martina] The reason I came here to eat your cake
was to actually say that I heard strawberry and cream cake is a traditional Christmas flavor in Japan.
[Simon] Hmm.
[Martina] It's not like it is "the flavor". People get lots of different kinds of cakes,
but from what I heard was, "Oh, growing up as a kid my mom always got
like, this strawberry and cream Christmas cake"
Also what we're doing this video is kind of Japanese tradition for Christmas,
because it's less considered a family holiday, as much as it's considered a dating holiday
So for today's video Martina and I went on a date. - Check.
We had matching sweaters. - Check.
We went and had some cake together. - Check.
And we had some desserts and treats. - Check. Got food.
We took pictures of each other. -Check.
And now we're gonna go home...
(sexy music)
- [Martina] And edit this video! - And edit this video.
- [Martina] Just like dating holiday tradition! - Just like... just like going on a date!
Ahh, Christmas lingerie: the first thing that pops to mind when I think of warm Christmas cheer.
Putting on tiny skimpy lacy underpants. Mmm, perfect for this time of year.
Hmm, just like how delicious my hair is.
omnomnomnom
But for real, there is a lot of stuff
involving dating happening during Christmas time in Japan because
Christmas is actually more considered to be a dating holiday.
That really shook me when I first heard it, because to me
Christmas is very much like
family oriented. Even if you wanted to hang out with your girlfriend, or boyfriend
Your parents would be like "that's not happening" you might exchange gifts at
some point, but it was really, generally a Christmas holiday.
Here, it doesn't have the same associations, probably because...
no one's really Christian here.
I mean, there is Christianity but it's not like the number one hype choice.
There's like Shintoism, and Buddhism
Yeah so pretty much the way that I think of Christmas in Japan is it's a dating holiday.
It's the kind of thing where people go clubbing, and wear like,
Santa-type cute clothing, and meet other people.
And a lot of the hotels are apparently super booked on Christmas Eve, so it's a lot
more of like a Valentine's Day in Japan than it is so much a family oriented family holiday.
Did I say family twice? - You did.
Ugh.
[Meemers voice] I am the Meems of October Past!
That's gonna be Kichijoji's Christmas tree. It's October 16th.
You need to chill with your proactive decoration, Kichijoji.
It's not even Halloween, that's blasphemy.
I should climb that and pull that down!
That's offensive to my culture.
[Martina] I think that my fat, candy-eating culture
wants to say that I remember last year, like Christmas trees covered in pumpkins - - Yeah.
And I was like, "What the heck?" And then it became a Christmas Tree.
Mm-mm, not today! - They're trying to double up. You can't make a Christmas pumpkin!
[Martina] I've been trying to figure out why I've been recording my finger for the past 20 minutes.
[Simon] Because you have your finger in front of the lens. - Oh, this one!
[Simon] That's what old people do.
[Martina] I know, but I tried every single finger, but that finger wouldn't operate.
Do you need me to connect to the wifi network for you?
Do you need me to reset your router?
[Martina] Wait, wait it's not finished.
How do I turn this around?
Wait, is my thumb in front of the camera?
I think my thumb's - "Mom, your thumb's in front of the camera! Mom!"
[Simon] We found a house with Christmas Lights!
Don't look at Martina's terrible jacket. Come on, show everyone your style, girl.
Whoa. - Listen.
- [Simon] You just... - This is a complicated -
[Simon] Supposed to be a Christmas video, look at these lights.
- It's a complicated explanation.
- But you're just blinded by...
- Lemme explain this!
When we first moved to Japan, our clothing didn't ship on time so we
didn't have any clothing, and it got cold, and I had to buy this awful jacket.
- Hey, what's under your jacket?
It is the matching new sweater because it was the only color left in my size.
It was like February.
- (singing) Christmas time is here!
(singing) Glad for all to hear.
Look at her clothes. Oh no noes.
[Simon] Well, this house here
has a teeter-tottering Santa
with that, and what I really want to know is why did you go out in this jacket?
I mean like you have many other jackets, you shouldn't be going out in public
like this at all. But Merry Christmas, I guess.
And this place is really going overboard with their lights.
It's got...
palm trees.
Look at all this sh*t here.
They have a little
letter board there that tells you when their
lights are gonna be on.
And with those lights you can really just see how awful this jacket is. I mean, god!
Why? - I'm sorry!
- You're supposed to be my fashion icon here!
I'm sorry...
- You have so many better jackets than this!
Before we filmed the rest of this video, Martina's had a really rough past couple of weeks, so I'm going to give her one of
her Christmas presents in advance, and you could see that at the end of this video. I really hope she likes it.
Love you, girl. Hang in there, sunshine.
Hey Meemer's don't interrupt me, I'm trying to be sentimental here and -
Heeeeey gurl
What do you think?
[Martina] (singing) Baby when you move your body
[Simon] Oh yeah!
Matching onesies!
- Okay. - Merry early Christmas, girl!
Ducky this is amazing!
- Yeah we got - - Why haven't we gotten this earlier in our lives?
I feel like we've really,
strongly been missing out. It's got pockets. - It's got extra pockets.
It's got a little zipper for your peepee, for the pee in the middle of the night.
Which obviously won't help me much. These are amazing!
- I'm glad you like it girl. - I was so happy when I came home and you-
you said early Christmas then I opened it up and I was like (dinosaur noise)
And then I said, "I really hope we can get a matching one for you." And you were like, "Well..."
And then you went into the closet, and I was so thrilled!
I pulled it out.
So as you can see Japan has its own Christmas culture, but I think for us it's not quite what we're used to.
And since we've been living overseas for like, over ten years, one of the important things that
we found is we have to bring some of our cultures with us whenever we travel.
So, I message my parents and they actually mailed
me some Oh Henry's, and I put them right in the freezer!
Mmmmm!
And now this feels like a childhood Christmas with a good frozen Oh Henry bar.
(Christmas rock music)
Wow, you're really crunching away on that frozen bar.
Mmm. So painful.
So festive!!
And the thing is I only wanted a couple, but they sent 24.
Well, we'll just keep it for next year, and the year after and the year after that. - So I don't know what I'm gonna do -
Thanks mom and dad, I love you so much!
My mom sent us Hershey kisses, and then she also sent us those
Marshmallow Santa's and marshmallow snowmen that look nothing them.
From like Laura Secord which is a Canadian company, and of course...
We have here Bulk Barn gravy mix, because these are the kind of things that you really,
really miss, and it makes it extremely special
when you're able to have like, that home feeling of what happens at Christmas.
So even though our Christmas culture is very different than
Japanese Christmas culture, probably very different from your culture,
I think the one thing that we can agree on is no matter what your background
Or your religion
Or your race, or your age, in Christmas we could all agree that the most important thing,
is putting your pets in the Christmas costumes.
Come here fat boy, your time has come. - It's happening, bud.
[Meemers voice] (singing) He is meemers, he will punch you.
Please don't put me in that thing!
[Martina] Go for it buddy!
(singing) If you do, i'll never forgive.
(singing) Please don't put me in that -
[Meemers] Well guys, I hope you enjoyed this Christmas special with Christmas Meems.
Meemers is particularly mad about the whole thing, but...
[Martina] Look how fat this is on you, you don't even need to be this big. I think you lost weight since last year, chubby.
[Simon] Come on, boy.
*salty meow*
[Simon] Oh, yeah.
(to tune of Hark the Herald Angels Sing) meow meow meow meow meow meow meow
meow meow meow I hate you guys
[Meemers] Well, that's it for this week's video.
(jazzy Christmas music)