hi everyone happy Monday to you I wanted to make a quick video about what to do
when you experience a breakup and the best things that you can do to start the
relationship over again and rebuild attraction even though you've gone
through a breakup which can be really really traumatizing now the first thing
I want to talk about breakups is that the first thing you're gonna do is go to
friends and loved ones and family members and you're gonna agonize with
them for days if not weeks if not months possibly even years you're gonna talk
about your breakup and even though these people love you and they want the best
for you they're not going to know what to say they're going to get burned out
they're gonna get tired and they're gonna say things to you that are going
to hurt you in the process of healing from your breakup so it's really
important that if you can don't talk about your breakup too much with anybody
and everybody but pick a professional such as myself
I'm a certified love dating and relationship coach and I special
specialize in healing people helping you heal from break up - if experienced a
breakup I can actually help you get back together with your person and I can also
can also help you grow in a way so that breakups you're immune to breakups they
don't happen for you anymore and I can tell you more about that in depth but
here is my tips on what you go through when you go through a breakup and what
you should do whey shouldn't do so after you
experienced a breakup one of the first things you're going to do is go why why
why why why did he do this why did this happen what have I done
you're gonna have a million questions and they're all gonna start with why now
this is gonna make you want to pick up your phone and reach out and call him
and Kim why you're gonna want to text him
you're gonna see something and you're gonna remind of him it's gonna remind
you of him and you're gonna we want to reach out and call him and ask why why
did this happen what it's happened to us your brain is literally gonna go over
time into figuring out why this person has backed away from you and you're
gonna work on it day and night you're gonna lose sleep you're not gonna want
to eat you're just really gonna work on it
non-stop so that's the first thing that happens numbers 2 the second thing women
want to do after a breakup with a man is we actually want to call him or write
him a letter and remind him of the love we shared together the love and the
wonderful relationship we shared with him you're gonna want to call him up and
remind him of all these things and it's not going to do you any good
I encourage you not to do that because this is just gonna show him all the more
that you've got nothing going on that you're clinging to him and he has made
it very clear he wants to move on now I'm gonna tell you how to get past that
okay third you're going to come very angry you're gonna get really really
angry that this person has done this to you and you're gonna start collecting
all sorts of reasons and things that have happened some of them might make
sense right now but they're not gonna make sense later if you're gonna get
really angry and again you're gonna want to go to the man and you're gonna want
to get answers or you're gonna want to tell them off and if you want to
possibly get back together with this person I highly encourage you to not do
that there's another way you can work through that anger and find a way to
communicate with him that's gonna be effective for the relationship growing
and building again so hold off on the anger now number four the fourth thing
we do is we want to figure him out we start putting to get for all these
little pieces of a puzzle to figure out the man and figure out what he did and
why this includes analyzing all of his facebook posts this includes looking at
his friends posts seeing where he's going what he's doing asking people who
know him have these share friends and it also
means that instead of being in your head you're out of your body and you're
climbing into his head and you're not going to be able to function and you're
gonna develop neuroses and it's not going to be good for you and it's not
gonna help you get back together with this person if that's what you want to
do it's absolutely not going to help you move on so what do you do with all this
emotion what do you do with all this feeling I want to know why I'm angry at
him I want to tell him off I want to know what he's doing why has he done
this I need to tell him how much I love him if I don't talk to him he'll think I
won't love him that's a big one is that we think the guy isn't gonna like us
anymore if we give him some space now I'm gonna tell you what's really going
on with a man when he breaks up with you okay when a man breaks up with you he's
needing something time space distance something that he's otherwise not
getting in the relationship with you for some reason and we don't always know why
because we're out of touch with the man and ratta touch with what he's feeling
okay you have to accept that there's something he's not getting so he has to
leave and men will do all sorts of things to feel better again they will
move out of a beautiful house that they share with you to a little to room
trailer so they can feel happy and like a man again men will do things like this
so it might be really easy to beat yourself up and know that you did
something wrong and maybe he had a big fight maybe it wasn't even that big of a
fight maybe this was building and growing but I can tell you he has a need
that's not getting met and when he left you he started to feel better you have
to accept this that he needs time and space away from you to figure it out you
have to trust that this man you love needs time and space to figure out
what's going on with so you have to give him that time in
space so what I recommend you do after a breakup is wait two weeks before you
reach out to him when he comes over whatever he tells you I want to break up
I don't want to see you anymore okay I feel I feel sad about this I feel upset
about this I understand I trust you can figure it out and you say okay so I feel
sad about that I trust you can figure this out and okay you accept what he's
saying and he's gonna feel like a man instantly in your presence he's going to
feel like a man again and that's what we're going for for him to feel good for
him to feel like a man that's what's going to pull him back to you because
somewhere in the relationship I'm gonna guess your world became his world and
you were less about you and more about him all right
so that's the first thing you do I want you to wait two weeks before you reach
out to him 90% of the time the guy will reach out to you before that two-week
time he'll actually reach out to you now when he does reach out to you hold on we
got a bus going by
such a beautiful day today now when he does reach out to you you're gonna be
angry you're gonna be mad you're gonna be sad you're gonna be all these things
we don't know yet but when he does reach out to you I want you to just be in the
moment and be warm so that means when he calls you and he says hey I'm just
checking up on you or he sends you a text what's up you can say oh it feels
so great to hear from you and then tell him a little bit about your date in one
sentence let's just say oh I'm feeling I'm feeling so relaxed I enjoyed the
sunshine today it was a beautiful warm day and I got to spend some time outside
in the park how are you so you're warm because he's expecting something
completely different and chances are he's missing you because most of the
time a guy breaks up with a girl and within 24 hours he regrets it he regrets
it but he can't come back to you because he'll look like a total idiot all right
or maybe he's mad and another day at times he misses you and he's mad he
misses you and he can't decide which one he's feeling so you give him that time
in that space and then when he does come to you you're warm but I really
encourage you to tell him I trust you can figure it out and I'll miss you I
miss connecting with you I trust you can figure it out because so often we women
we want to kind of guilt the guy into letting him know how much we miss him we
want to guilt him and say oh I miss your hugs and you know things like this it
does not help your case now let's talk about what you can do to reconnect with
him post breakup so we talked about just leaning back for
a couple of weeks some people call this no contact and but I don't really
believe in that because it's it's a rule and it's lacking emotion so the next
thing you need to do is get your energy back on to you because if you're
suffering and going through a breakup chances are again your mind is all over
him it's all over why did this happen how did this happen what can I do to fix
it and who's he seeing is there no other woman you know your mind will just go
and go and go so I actually want you to take all that energy which I call your
boy energy which is your problem energy is I want you to take all that
energy and I want you to put it into your life
and I should take inventory of your life and find out what is it that you have
always wanted to do what have you wanted to make videos for YouTube have you
wanted to pick up roller skating or play your guitar or sing or paint or have you
always wanted to take a trip um there's something in your life that you've
wanted to do that you've just haven't been doing maybe it could be higher
learning education are really getting fit this is where I want you to hit the
gym as much as you can you're gonna feel better you're gonna look better and this
is gonna again help your relationship you're gonna feel better
so exercising one of the best things you can do as well as exploring your
creative outlets and then when he comes back around and he says so what have you
been up to you won't be like well I've been missing you and I just been sitting
in the house and now you'll say oh my goodness I I took a painting class in
another city and I actually picked up my roller skates again and I'm skating with
my friends and or you know I joined a theater group an improv group I you know
you'll have all these juicy details to share him share with him and he's gonna
be going my goodness you are an awesome quality dynamite woman and he's going to
get interested in you again so one of the biggest keys to attraction is
curiosity when something piques your curiosity you aren't attracted to it so
keep that in mind when you're rebuilding your life now I've mentioned that I want
you to lean back and let him come to you let him do the pursuing that's him being
a man in our society we've taught if we want something we go out and we get it
we go out and we work for it and we get it with a man it just does not work this
way you have to let a man come to you but when he does come to you you're warm
and you're inviting and you're in your feelings you're not manipulating him
you're not twisting him in very subtle ways to get him to do what you want
you're getting those needs met in other ways and that's a challenge for a lot of
women because we look for the man to fill this emptiness
sir this loneliness and once you learn how to do that for yourself I mean your
world just opens up and men everywhere are attracted to you because they can
see how self-sufficient and confident and powerful and alluring you are and
they are curious about you that's what makes them attracted to you now the last
one I want you to remember that he's okay he's okay you're gonna be thinking
oh he doesn't think I like him he doesn't think I love him he doesn't even
probably believe I miss him and it's just not true it's just not true
if this relationship lasted any amount of time and you've had any sort of
intimacy he is going to miss you you are going to miss him and if he for some
reason thinks otherwise such might as my man did he came back to
me at some point after a breakup and said well at least we can get together
as friends and maybe talk about who were dating and I said no I I have no
interest in being your friend I've always been your friend but I don't want
to be your friend and I certainly don't want to talk about people I'm dating you
know my heart still beats very hard for you and when I see you I have a lot of
deep feelings for you and he knew right then and there that if he wanted to see
me it was not going to be as friends and it was alright I hope this has been
helpful for you please find me on youtube and subscribe I post videos like
this all the time sometimes the Facebook sometimes just say YouTube and email me
if you have any questions and Everhart coaching at gmail.com I hope this has
been helpful for all you girls out there with broken hearts I've so been there
and I know what it feels like and I'm here to help you out much love bye