The Hobbit trilogy is kind of a mess, isn't it? I mean, the main message of the
series just boils down to, "Don't be a greedy asshole," and that's ultimately
ruined by its director, for being a greedy asshole. Jackson: "People regard it
being like a cash grab." But now that it's all over, I think it's pretty fair to say
that the three film idea was the wrong move. You know, unless you're Jackson's
bank account. The most inexplicable part about the Hobbit trilogy is that, even
with nine hours of screen time, you don't get to know many of the main characters,
especially when it comes to the dwarves. This gets unintentionally hilarious at
the end when Bilbo turns around to say goodbye to his friends. It's supposed to
be like this big emotional moment and you're sitting in the audience like: "um
who is that? What's his name again? Oh, Oh Dwalin! Dwalin! I know him!
Now compare this to the end of The Return of the King. One by one, the members of the
Fellowship come to see that Frodo's awake, and in the audience you get to think
back fondly on all the time you spent with them.
But just look at how much work went into creating the costumes for these dwarves!
I mean, this guy's got three beards. This one... wears a hat. Seriously you're gonna
wear that hat into battle? While everyone else gets a big-ass helmet? But without
any real scenes to develop their characters, all I know about them is
they're either fat, ugly or look like Jimmy Fallon. I mean, you're telling me we
couldn't have a few more conversations between the dwarves and Bilbo to tell us a
little about each one of them? Watch some of the behind-the-scenes stuff, and it's
hilarious what some of these actors say about their characters. Actor: Gloin is the
banker of the group. I sort of look after the finances. Was that in the movie? Did I blink?
Actor 2: I'm a thief. I steal things. I'll get us into a bit of trouble, actually.
What?! At least Stephen Hunters on the ball. Hunter: I'm Bombur, he's a fat dwarf. Basically, yeah. Don't
beat around the bush.
Or take this dude. I wouldn't blame you if you didn't know he
can't speak English. Actor: And he can only speak in the ancient dwarfish language.
Why not have a lost in translation scene that endears him to the audience?
Characters don't have to say much for us to like them. Groot: I am Groot. Hodor: Hodor.
Walt Jr. this is um raisin bran.
And if they wanted to really differentiate these characters, why not
add a few scenes along the way for a few setups and payoffs? Or at the very least,
tell us what their relationships are. I mean the audience isn't even told that
Fili and Kili are Thorin's heirs until two hours into the second movie.
Thorin: One day you will be King and you will understand. Actor: Fili is the nephew
of Thorin. So he's a young...prince? Is that right? Yes, must be.
He could have been grooming them for leadership in that time, making the fall of their house
that much more tragic in the Battle of the Five Armies. I mean it's not like
they weren't already adding to the source material. (sigh) So why not add something
character related Bilbo: Yeas. Instead the dwarves are entirely interchangeable.
Jackson: Thirteen dwarves is one of the reasons why I dreaded the Hobbit. Just check out this scene from
the Battle of the Five Armies. It's actually a really good scene that shows
how mad Thorin has become. Thorin: I am your king. Dwalin: You were always my king. But why is
Dwalin there. I mean up until this point, the trilogy hasn't shown us
anything that suggests that Thorin has a closer bond with Dwalin than he does with
the other dwarves. So who should have been there?
The answer is Ballin. Of the dwarves, Thorin has the most interaction with
Ballin throughout the first two movies, but then for some reason has almost no
screen time with him in the finale. It's two movies of setup with no payoff!
I mean, what the Bombadil! To prove this, let's play The Best Friends Game.
Contestant #1 is Dwalin Something. He's a hot-headed dwarf who
hates being touched. Contestant #2 is Balin Something. This Gandalf-wannabe
and future Dead King, has a surprisingly odd hatred of mustaches.
Let's see who Thorin's BFF really is! Dwalin. Dwalin helps pull Thorin to safety.
This is the first interaction they've had in the movie and it has never talked
about again afterwards. Dwalin: This way. Dwalin: How do we know he won't betray us? Thorin: We don't. This is the first time they've had a
conversation. Yeah, that's pretty much it. Balin. Balin is the only other dwarf
character in the prologue with Thorin, showing the length of their friendship.
At Bilbo's house Thorin hears Balin's council, away from the rest of the
dwarves, on whether or not he should try to reclaim Erebor.
Bilbo's contract is signed by Thorin and witnessed by Balin, suggesting he is the
clear number two of the group. When the company breaks for the night, Balin tells
us Thorin's story and about how much he respects him.
as a leader. Ballin: There is one who I could follow. There is one, I could call king. At the strategy
session with Elrond, Balin is the only dwarf with Thorin. Thorin: Balin, you know these paths. Lead on.
When they reach the Misty Mountains, Thorin discusses strategy with Balin.
After Thorin refuses to make a deal with Thranduil,
he immediately seeks Balin's council on the matter. Thorin: Oh then we could go (dwarfish).
Thorin lets Balin organize the barge with Bard, showing
that he trusts him with important matters. When the door to Erebor won't
open Thorin goes immediately to Balin for answers. When the door is finally
opened, Balin is standing next to Thorin. This kind of visual metaphor
suggests that he is the closest to Thorin.
Notice that Dwalin is on the other side. Actor: Balin is the consigliere, the advisor.
The point here is that even the most well drawn characters of the bunch
Dwalin and Balin are treated as interchangeable in the script. Thorin
saying, "Leave here, before I kill you," to Balin would have been way more impactful,
because we've seen Balin saying things like, "There's one I could call King. The film
takes all this time to set up a student/mentor relationship, and then offers no
payoff to the story. So like what the fuck happened did someone just make a typo in
the script? Bwalin? I'm sure Peter just meant
Dwalin. And this isn't even the first time this happens. Here's another one.
The dwarves are captured by elves and there's a little gag where the elves are
searching Fili for weapons, and it's revealed he's got about a dozen hidden daggers.
So logically, we think there'd be a scene later when carrying a bunch of extra
blades would come into play. Like probably the first thing he did when he
got to Erebor was stock up on daggers, right? I'm sure that would have come in
handy at least once. Fili: RUN! (dies) Or this scene where Bilbo tries to leave the company but
Bofur stops him. Thus far, the only interaction we've had between them is
Bofur giving him a dirty cloth for a handkerchief. This is good stuff though
they have something in common. A love of home, Bofur: You're homesick, I understand. And something contrasting. Bilbo
is cleanly, while Bofur's a slob. But this is their first real conversation just the two of
them, and it's also a pretty good one. So why not have a payoff to this scene
somewhere down the line. Maybe one where Bofur has doubts about staying with the
company, and Bilbo has to encourage him. You know, instead of them just never
saying two words to each other for the rest of the movie. Now I get it
that having 13 dwarves all with similar sounding names was just a running joke
when Tolkien wrote the book back in the thirties. It was just something that made
the whole adventure feel whimsical. And if the movie was two hours long, then having
them perpetually in the background wouldn't be a problem, and we could just
focus on Bilbo and Thorin. But if you're going to change a fairy tale into an
epic trilogy adventure, and then expect me to care when we're saying goodbye
then you have to at least explain to me who's there. There are just so many
missed opportunities for character moments that you can only really assume
that the filmmakers themselves don't care about growing these characters. So
what do they care about? (action scenes)
That does it for part one. Make sure to subscribe to the Just Write channel
because tomorrow I'll be talking about how Peter Jackson forgot that action
scenes are supposed to be exciting. But first, time for a little bonus stupidity.
Bwalin: I'm not running from anyone beast or no. Wait, what?! You've been running from
everyone this entire movie!