Meet Two Of The Worst Players In DnD History I Have Ever Encountered
Hi everyone.
All Things DnD is back with another story.
Some players just refuse to understand what the core concept of dungeons and dragons is.
And that’s being a team.
If you’re not being a team player you better prepare for the consequences.
I’m proud of these two groups for not putting up with these two terrible players.
In one of my campaigns I had a tiefling barbarian who was a complete misogynist.
He would do the usual tabletop Schtick of trying to find brothels in every town, flirting
with waitresses and attempting to have sex with any female he came across.
The character relied exclusively on his muscles and looks and not at all on his brains since
his player had decided to put intelligence as a 6 on the point buy so as to maximize
strength and charisma.
The campaign had stranded the party on a pirate controlled island where they were being hunted
by cultists and they were trying to keep a low profile so as not to be noticed.
Two members of the party, our Gunslinger and Rogue, were pirates before joining the rest
of the group, and took the lead while on the island, since they knew the ins and outs of
Pirate Town.
As it happens, our Rogue was in debt to the pirate queen Bonny Anne, who owned a fleet
of ships and controlled most of the trade in and out of the Pirate Town port.
While the Gunslinger and Rogue met with Bonny Anne and successfully negotiated getting the
Rogue's debt taken care of, the Tiefling barbarian went and got stupid drunk and, of course,
made his way to the brothel.
As DM I was happy enough to leave him there since I was busy roleplaying with the other
characters and the Teifling's player never bothered with RP unless forced into it.
Unfortunately, that's not how it went down.
After getting bored, the Tiefling went looking for his friends and found them in Bonny Anne's
tavern, their business concluded.
He immediately swaggered over and started clumsily trying to chat up Bonny Anne, the
pirate queen.
This was a mistake.
Bonny Anne was the boss around here and everyone with a brain knew to stay off her bad side
because she didn't become pirate queen by being NICE.
She was not impressed with the Tiefling one bit, and she shut him down immediately by
pulling a gun on him.
"Now if I were you, I'd think long and hard about what I said next" she said pointing
the gun straight at him.
"Nobody talks to me that way.
Not in my town."
Ordinarily that would be the cue to shut up and back off, but like I said, the tiefling
was a misogynist and had the intellect of a shrew and he just barreled on oblivious.
It may be, he didn't think she would actually shoot him, or possibly his player didn't read
my homebrew rules regarding firearms, whatever the cause, he did the worst thing possible.
"Psh...
I'm not scared of some little pop gun" he said as all five of the rest of the party
groaned out loud and simultaneously slapped their foreheads.
So she shot him.
Nat 20 to hit, 11 piercing dmg doubled for the critical, doubled again for Point Blank
damage, (that homebrew rule I mentioned earlier).
See for my game, if a firearm is used on a target within 10ft it doubles the damage.
So that's 44 points of piercing damage in one shot, and...everybody rolls for initiative.
The Gunslinger went first, diving behind cover and hiding as a bonus action and trying to
calm Bonny Anne down with a persuasion roll as his action.
That didn't work of course because now she was riled and wanted the Teifling's head on
a plate.
Next it was the Teifling's turn.
Rage as a bonus action (smart) and then he lit up his box of granados and chucked them
towards Bonny Anne (really REALLY stupid).
For those of you who don't know, a granado is like the earlier version of a grenade.
The tiefling had bought 12 of them some time before and now he used ALL OF THEM to try
to kill her.
Because that's a reasonable reaction to someone not liking being talked down to right?
Problem is, Bonny Anne's NPC was a high level Rogue and with her crazy high Dex save and
Evasion, she took no damage whatsoever.
The building on the other hand wasn't so lucky.
The granados blew one whole side of the building into the street and nearly brought the entire
place down on their heads.
Now, I confess I didn't do my due diligence as a DM here.
We had agreed as a group that each granado would do the same damage as a Fireball spell.
In the moment though, I didn't want to calculate the full damage, which I have no doubt would
have resulted in a TPK right there so I dealt a nice, round, 50 points of fire damage to
everyone in the room except Bonny Anne and our rouge who neatly dodged and evaded damage.
Suffice to say the Tiefling was somewhat surprised when his "brilliant plan" blew up in his face.
He smartly decided to surrender himself when he saw the rest of the party glaring at him
and Bonny Anne, without a mark on her, calmly reloading for her initiative round.
Needless to say, the tiefling learned an abject lesson in respect after being locked in one
of Bonny Anne's dungeons for the remainder of the party's time on pirate island.
The moral of this story is maybe don't mouth off to the pirate queen when you are on HER
island and need one of HER ships to escape.
Can you imagine?
Consequences for your actions?
Go figure.
And “That Girl” in the next story gets a healthy dose of consequences for being gross.
So I've been playing D&D since middle school, and I've encountered a lot of weird players
in my day.
I've seen people take seducing way too far, I've seen super overdramatic edge lords, but
nothing could've prepared me for That Girl.
About five months back, I moved back to my hometown and my wife and I decided to find
a group to play with, so we made some posts on Facebook and eventually got a group.
There were five of us, and initially everything was fine.
That Girl was initially a goliath warlock who ended up getting herself killed off within
a few sessions due to super reckless behavior and a terrible, confrontational attitude.
To give some context, a few of That Girl's prior decisions included:
Kidnapping a wizard's apprentice in the middle of the night and waterboarding him for information
(which he didn't have)
Killing a bar patron for refusing to sleep with her.
Washing her armpits with holy water from the local church (especially pissed off me, being
a paladin)
Making extremely inappropriate sexual jokes and innuendos out of game nearly every session,
despite all of us telling her we didn't appreciate them.
After being killed off, our DM allowed her to make a new character and warned her that
she needed to change the way she handled situations if she wanted to survive in the game.
She agreed and left early.
Next session, she showed up with a brand new character, a wood elf bard.
The way she described her new character was ultimately what ended up getting her kicked
out of the group.
Her first sentence when describing her new character?
"His name is Dick and his whole shtick is that he sexually assaults everyone he meets!"
That Girl uttered those words with the proud, beaming smile of a toddler who had just used
the toilet successfully for the first time.
We couldn't believe her.
At first, we thought she was joking, but when she started talking to patrons of the tavern,
we quickly found out she was serious.
Her first order of business was to go up to the bartender and attempt to grab his junk.
She didn't get to roll for it.
She was politely yet firmly asked to leave.
She made several posts about us on the D&D groups calling us misogynistic pigs for not
allowing her to express herself freely.
Our group is one person lighter, and we are all the happier for it.
And just so you don’t think we were being overly sensitive and jumped the gun on kicking
her from the party I’ll expand on a few things just for clarification.
Oh, and a friendly reminder even if people are being “overly sensitive” it’s their
game too and they have every right to feel comfortable while playing in it.
That Girl was in her late twenties, not some edgy teen.
The apprentice she waterboarded was fifteen years old.
Normally, waterboarding someone in D&D is perfectly fine, sometimes even funny, but
a fifteen year old is crossing the line in my opinion.
The armpit washing is admittedly kinda funny.
It was funny in Kung Fu Panda, and I suppose it's funny here, but the way it was done was
purposefully disrespectful to religion in general.
Should be pointed out that That Girl is an atheist who despises religion.
I'm not some hypersensitive petunia who blew things out of proportion.
I think most people in my situation would've reacted the same way.
Sexual assault isnt okay no matter what, coming from a man or woman.
Men can be sexually assaulted.
Women can be perverts.
It's not illegal to feel uncomfortable when someone takes their bra off in front of you
or makes sexual jokes every five minutes.
For those of you out there who have experienced similar situations, my heart goes out to you.
I hope you get the support you need.
Don’t put up with things that you don’t like.
Be firm and get rid of those people.
They can find games where they are comfortable doing whatever things they are into.
Don’t let them ruin your experience.
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