- WHEN I WAS AT THE LIQUOR STORE THIS MORNING GETTING BREAKFAST,
I NOTICED SOMETHING.
THERE ARE A LOT OF NEW FLAVORS OF VODKA OUT THERE,
AND...THERE REALLY ARE.
ELMO, SHH.
[laughter]
WHAT DID I TELL YOU?
THESE ARE JUST SOME OF THE NEW FLAVORS OF VODKA,
AND THESE ARE NOT JOKE BOTTLES.
THIS IS BUTTERED POPCORN VODKA.
THEN THERE IS...
[toy mutters indistinctly]
[laughter]
YOU CANNOT--NO MORE.
NO MORE.
YOU CANNOT HAVE ANY MORE.
THIS IS CILANTRO.
[audience groans]
AND THIS IS PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY VODKA.
[audience groans]
WHO ARE THEY MARKETING THIS FOR?
THIS IS--THESE ARE REAL.
AND I WANTED TO FIND OUT WHAT THEY TASTE LIKE,
BUT I DON'T WANT TO TRY IT, 'CAUSE THEY SOUND DISGUSTING,
SO WHAT I'M GONNA DO IS,
I'M GONNA HAVE MY WRITER LAUREN TASTE THESE
AND SEE WHAT SHE SAYS.
[cheers and applause]
HI, LAUREN.
- HI. OH, NO.
- HOW YOU DOING, LAUREN? - OH, NO.
- OKAY, SO I'M GONNA HAVE YOU TASTE SOME
AND TELL ME WHAT IT TASTES LIKE, OKAY?
BUT FIRST I WANT YOU TO BE BLINDFOLD,
SO YOU'RE NOT CHEATING.
'CAUSE THERE'S GONNA BE DIFFERENT FLAVORS, RIGHT?
- UH-HUH.
- ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA POUR SOME
THAT YOU'RE GONNA LET ME KNOW
IF YOU KNOW WHAT FLAVOR THAT IS, OKAY?
ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
THESE ARE REAL TOO. THIS IS INSANE.
I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS.
ALL RIGHT, HERE.
PUT YOUR HAND OUT.
YOU'RE SHAKING. ARE YOU NERVOUS, OR...
- YES.
- ARE YOU GOING THROUGH DETOX?
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
[laughter]
ALL RIGHT, THERE YOU GO.
YOU HAVEN'T HAD A DRINK ALL DAY.
THIS MUST BE LIKE, "OH, GIVE ME MY DRINK."
- I NEED IT.
- ALL RIGHT. - OH, GOD.
- TELL ME WHAT IT TASTES LIKE. - [sniffs]
OH, GOD.
- TELL ME WHAT FLAVOR THAT IS.
YOU LIKE THAT? - UGH.
[laughter]
THAT IS LIKE FEET.
[laughter]
- WELL, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT THAT IS, IS FEET.
ALL RIGHT, SOME OF THESE ARE...
YEAH, OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, THIS MIGHT BE GOOD.
ALL RIGHT, LET ME HAVE THE GLASS BACK, PLEASE.
- OH. - THANK YOU.
- OH, GOD.
- ALL RIGHT, PUT YOUR HAND OUT AGAIN,
LIKE A BABY BIRD.
I WASN'T GONNA POUR IT IN YOUR HAND SO YOU DRINK
LIKE YOU'RE--FROM A STREAM OR A BUBBLING BROOK.
- [sniffs] OOH.
- NOW, THIS SHOULD BE GOOD.
- MM-HMM.
[laughter]
UGH, THAT'S LIKE COUGH MED-- WHAT IS THAT?
I DON'T KNOW.
- THAT'S FRESH-CUT GRASS.
[laughter]
THAT'S WHAT THAT IS.
THAT'S WHAT THAT FLAVOR IS. - UGH, MM-MM.
- HOLD ON. - THAT'S DISGUSTING.
- LET ME GIVE YOU ONE MORE TO TASTE.
- OH, MY GOD. - OKAY.
- I'M... - WHAT?
- VERY DRUNK. - NO, YOU'RE NOT DRUNK.
I'VE BEEN OUT WITH YOU BEFORE.
[laughter]
ALL RIGHT, TASTE THIS NOW.
JUST--WHY ARE YOU HOLDING--
[laughter]
HERE YOU GO.
ALL RIGHT, THIS WILL BE THE LAST ONE.
- YOU PROMISE?
- YEP, I PROMISE.
[laughter]
- IT'S CHOCOLATY.
- IT IS?
- NO?
[laughter]
MAYBE?
IT'S ACTUALLY THE CUT GRASS
MIXED WITH PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY.
- OH, MY GOD.
THAT'S DISGUSTING.
- WAS THAT GOOD?
- YEAH, NO.
- NO, NO? - NO.
- ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN TAKE YOUR MASK OFF NOW...
IF YOU WANT TO.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
YEAH, I JUST GAVE YOU THE PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY
AND THE GLAZED DONUT...
- THAT'S NOT GREAT. - YEAH, NOT REALLY GOOD?
- MM-MM, NO, MM-MM.
- OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
- HOW'S EVERYTHING OVER HERE?
- EVERYTHING'S GOOD. ARE YOU CRYING?
- YEAH.
- I'M GONNA CALL YOU A CAB.
YOU'RE NOT DRIVING HOME.
I'M NOT LETTING YOU DRIVE, ALL RIGHT?
- MM-HMM. - SERIOUSLY.
OR YOU CAN SLEEP IN YOUR APARTMENT UPSTAIRS.
[laughter]
ALL RIGHT, WE'LL BE BACK AFTER THIS.
[upbeat music]