Hi, I'm Nadine Piat from Healthy You Healthy Love
And today I'm going to discuss the fact that Men Pull Away...
... it happens.
In fact, ALL humans pull away from time to time, which means, at some stage of dating
there is a very, very good chance that the guy you care for will withdraw from you for
a few days of even longer...
And unfortunately sometimes men vanish altogether and when he vanishes for no apparent reason
it can feel like the rug has been pulled out from under you and you’re left in a state
of real confusion and even hurt, and then all of sudden he comes back with no explanation,
like it’s normal to give someone a lot of attention, then disappear and miraculously
reappear.
If this has just happened to you or it’s happened in the past you’ll know it’s
not a nice place to be in.
But before I tell you what to do when a man comes back after pulling away I’m going
to share my very own story with you so you know exactly what to do when a man ghosts
you.
I remember the first time this happened to me...
I was in my early 20s and I felt like I was dying a slow death.
I remember it so clearly, one minute I was flying high in a cloud of romance and then
boom he disappeared.
Because I was quite young and with minimal dating experience I didn’t really understand
why he pulled away.
At first I was perplexed, wondering what the heck had happened, I thought that I’d done
something wrong, or that he just didn’t like me any more, then I thought that maybe
he’d had a terrible accident, maybe he met someone else, and then I would go back to
speculating if I did or said something to scare him away… and the cycle of bewilderment
and rejection goes on until you make peace with it and you can perhaps finally sleep
again without thinking about them.
I’m sure you know this feeling!
It’s dreadful!
But then… around about the time I was finally over that guy and ready to meet someone else,
guess what happened, yep, he contacted me again, about 4 weeks later to say…
“Hi, what you up to?”
Are you kidding me!
I just had clawed my way out of my hole of premature attachment and fantasyland and instead
of looking at the situation more holistically; I took his crumbs and went back for more…
of nothing… haha Because of my naivety, I allowed the cycle of “nothing” to continue
until I was beyond emotionally exhausted and finally wise enough to say NO to breadcrumb
dating and ready to say yes to partnership and true commitment.
But the thing is, I allowed this cycle to happen, when he came back I didn’t ask him
what had happened, I tried to be the cool chick and decided to go with the flow because
at the time I didn’t realize that, firstly, I was rewarding his “bad” behavior with
the GIFT of me, which gave him the green light to continue as he had done, and secondly,
I didn’t really know that there were ways to communicate with him to experience the
kind of connection I actually wanted…
In fact, my program Never Lose Him was inspired by this very relationship and that program
teaches woman something I call the LIPS method, which truly is the answer to all of your relationship
challenges so check out the link below.
So back to the story… even though this relationship was heartwrenchingt here was a beautiful outcome
because it taught me about true partnership, I learnt that a painful one-sided relationship
really ISN’T a relationship, it’s more like a prison of pain… that’s self-inflicted.
Once I realized I was FAR FAR better off single than with someone who was not kind or loving
towards me I became empowered and ultimately more attractive to men.
I was able to communicate openly and respectfully to a man what was important to me in a way
that was honourable and self- loving… not fear based, desperate or demanding.
And then guess what happened, the men who didn’t want what I wanted fell away, which
is fabulous!
Trust me it’s a very good thing!
And the ones who truly liked me and could actually do partnership levitated to meet
me where I was at!
This is what I want for you… and before I continue, it’s imperative for you to know
that what I just shared is the most critical part of this entire video!
You are FAR better off single than with someone who’s not kind and loving towards you!
And once you honour and treat yourself with love, you WILL GET THE LOVE YOU WANT!
That is it!
As I’ve said in a few of my other videos – the man you currently like or think you
need is not your priority – focus ONLY on the kind of relationship you deeply want….
And deserve!
And what’s imperative to remember when he vanishes is you don't want to be dramatic
and make up stories in your mind about why he pulled away...
You need to remain calm, confident in who you are, clear of what you want in a partnership
and as I said before, the ONLY thing that matters is what you value and if both of your
values can be met.
What’s very interesting is when I created my program, Unlock His Heart, I ran a survey
and I asked men why they pull away from women and 65% of the time the reason why he pulled
away had nothing to do with the woman, they pull away because of other things going on
in their life.
So, you have to assume that there is a good chance it’s not about you.
And even if it is about you, assume that it's not.
This will make it easier to communicate with him from a place of self-love and honour and
this kind of communication is always received more favourably.
If you want to check out that survey and find out many other mind-boggling results and revelations
that will help you to attract the love you want, then check out Unlock His Heart - the
link is in the description below….Now what I’m about to share is what to say when a
man comes back that will make you stand out from other women and will inspire him to see
you as woman who loves and values herself.
A man who wants to keep his head in the sand or really only wants a doormat type of woman
will RUN away, though you actually want the time waster to RUN… be grateful for it,
rather than making up a story about what it means about you…
What is does mean is that that you’re NOT going to do what I did when I was younger
and invest time in Mr. Wrong!
First up…
#1 Don’t “jump on him” straight away.
And I mean this verbally not physically, haha.
When a vanisher comes back, don’t pounce on him by telling him how bad his behavior
is.
If he texts, see what he has to say for a few texts, you can ask him what happened after
the convo has warmed up a little.
If he calls, the same applies, let him ask you some questions, have a little light conversation
and then you share your thoughts with him…
my next point will explain this further.
Always remember you catch more flies with honey so no shaming, blaming or tantrums!
Instead find out why he disappeared or pulled away from a place of wonder this will make
you come across as graceful and empowered… and highly attractive.
Bottomline: avoid that primal urge to send him on a guilt trip without knowing why he
pulled away.
#2 The Right Time To Call Him on It.
The perfect time to say something is when he asks you out again.
If he suggests to meet up this is the time when you share what’s important to you and
I’ll tell you what to say in the next point.
If he just keeps texting and doesn’t ask you out you can either just keep going along
with it, because he’s clearly become a penpal, or you let him go…
#3 What to say when a vanisher returns from the dead.
If he’s asked you out, you can say- I’d really love to see you again, I had such a
great time with you when we last met up, and at the same time to be honest, I’m a bit
confused.
I didn’t hear from for a long time and I really value transparency.
I’m into building a kind and mindful connection, and at the same time it’s confusing when
someone disappears and reappears.
I’d love to know what’s been happening for you?
As a result of this response a few things will happen… men who are generally good
in a relationship will get it instantly and 100% appreciate where you’re coming from.
This man will value you more because you know how to honour your values.
A man who really does want a relationship and is READY will absolutely amend this and
pretty much never do this to you again.
Then of course there will be some men who will agree with you, who will appreciate your
question and feelings, and then keep doing the same thing or disappear again.
There will be men who think you’re being difficult, they will make you feel needy for
asking to be treated with respect and honour.Either way, they’re not a match.
A kind and honourable man will realize the impact of his actions and fix it or let you
know what’s going on for him and then you can assess if you’re ready to play or abort.
Bottonline: LET go of a man who cannot honour the most basic level of dating and relating
mindfulness.
If his response is something you can work with then my next point is super important.
#4 When to accept the next date.
You see him when it suits you.
Do not change plans for him.
Remember he’s just resurrected from the dead!
Seeing your friends, walking your dog, and quite frankly filing your nails are far more
important right now.
Basically, let him know when you’re free, do not just be free when it suits him.
Live your full big life and fit him in when you’re ready.
Though be careful to not push this too far.
Which leads to my last point #5 – Do not badger him.
When you see him do not bring up the topic of why he vanished again!
If he brings it up to apologize that is absolutely fine, though don’t dwell on it if he does,
appreciate his apology and change the subject – basically focusing on having a good time
and enjoying his company.
At this stage he’s still a stranger so take the time to get to know him and see if he’s
a man of substance, rather than empty promises.
So that’s it… you now know precisely what to say when he comes back.
Promise me that you will honour your values and ask for others to honour what’s important
to you.
No woman needs a reappearing vanisher in her life, and certainly not a repeat offender!
You deserve better!
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Thank you for being here with me, take very good care of you, and see you again next week!