What do you do
if you suspect your girlfriend
might be cheating on you
but you're not sure?
If you suspect that your girlfriend
might be cheating on you
or your wife
and you're not sure
one thing is for certain
you probably feel sick,
uncertain, frustrated,
and foggy-headed
at the very least.
It's not a pleasant place to be.
And if you've tried
to question her
only to be sideswept,
gaslit, or told
you're being silly
or insecure
then for sure
you're going to feel like
you might be the crazy one.
The one thing you must do
if she
for sure is.
If you're new to my channel
my name is Anna Jorgensen welcome
to just the tip Tuesday.
First, let's look at
that self-sabotaging devil
we know as jealousy.
As I mentioned
in another video
a little bit of
healthy jealousy
is healthy.
Okay, a little bit of jealousy
is healthy.
It helps you know
what's important to you.
But there's also a time
when her actions
may be disrespectful to you
if not downright disloyal.
But if you do have
unhealthy jealousy
and you know it then stick around
I've got some solutions for you coming up.
Now, if you have
healthy jealousy
and you know it
then you're going to want to use
the love sammich approach.
Now, I've gone in detail
on how to use this
when dealing with an angry woman
or how to get more of what you want in a relationship
in another video, which I'll
link at the end.
In fact,
you can use the love
sammich approach.
And should use the love sandwich approach
to discuss
your boundaries,
expectation, standards,
the consequences
of what happens
if your boundaries and expectations
are not met by her.
Yes, even if
you've only been dating
for a short while.
In fact, even if you just started dating.
Key point,
the sooner you set
your standards
and boundaries
the sooner you teach her
how to respect you.
As I've said in many videos
we teach people
how to treat us
especially by what we let them
get away with.
And if your values
and belief systems
are not in alignment
setting standards,
expectations, and boundaries
will help you discover that
sooner than later.
Key point,
it's better to be single
than sorry.
As soon
as you see behavior
that you would not want to have
long term
you need to address it.
Nip that in the bud right away
because if you don't
you are going to end up broken-hearted
one way or another.
Okay, so it's a little bit different
if you're dating
versus in a long-term relationship.
So, first we're going to look at dating.
If it's early on
you can say
Ashley,
this behavior doesn't work for me
here's what I need
and expect instead.
Now, notice,
vocal tone
and inflection.
In other words, no anger
but firm
confident boundary.
As soon as you lose your cool
you lose your power
and then you can continue with
here's what I need
and expect instead.
Or to make it less personal
if you've just started dating
if I’m ever going to be
exclusive with a girl
this is what I need
and expect from her.
Key point,
if you say this
with confidence,
respect, and grace
you will have a lower chance
of triggering her ego
and pride.
And yes, this works
the other way around as well
for women talking to men.
Because key point,
you should always be willing
to walk away
from the deal
if the deal is a crappy deal.
The sooner you find out the better.
Now, you can even say
something like
would you really be okay
if the shoe was on the other foot?
If this is something I was doing
would you really be okay with it?
Now, even if she's not really okay with it
if she actually has a moment to think okay, wait
if he was doing this to me
would I be okay with it?
No, I wouldn't but if I say that
then he's going to try and stop me from doing it.
Well, then you call her out
she says yeah, I'd be fine with it.
Then you can say
well, it doesn't look
like our values
are really in alignment
so we probably shouldn't
be together.
No viciousness,
no attachment
just stoicism.
You've got expectations,
you've got standards,
you've got needs, desires and boundaries
and you're willing to walk away
if she can't or won't
meet those needs.
Now, if she really doesn't have
the same values as you
she might be like
oh, okay, well fine
see you later.
But if she does
and she's just unconsciously
testing you
then she might actually think about it
maybe not immediately.
She might have a little reaction
or she might go away
but then she'd be like okay,
well you know
he's got a point I wouldn't want him doing it
so I have to decide
if this is that important to me.
Is it really that important to me
that I you know
spend so much time alone with Chad?
Watch my other video on
signs she's probably
going to be cheating
maybe with Chad.
Or she might be like
okay, well, I've got a good guy
he obviously knows his value
because he's willing to walk away.
I better step up
because I don't know for sure that Chad's
all that great
now that I come to think about it.
Like this is like what goes on
not necessarily consciously
but effectively
that's the same reaction.
Now, if you have trouble
setting boundaries
you're asking for what you need
then stick with me because I've got
a solution for you.
But what happens if you've been dating a while
or you're in a serious
committed relationship.
Now, maybe this issue
or this behavior
hasn't been an issue
until recently
like you just started seeing the signs
that maybe she's like thinking about straying
again you're going to want to watch my video the signs
that she's about to cheat on you.
It's imminent
if you don't do something.
So, let's say those signs are there
now this is new
because those signs
weren't there before.
Then what do you do?
You still need to nip it in the bud.
What, okay.
So, there is a very specific
set of words to say
and in order to save them in,
in order for you to get
more of what you want
and less of what you don't want.
And if it hasn't gone too far
or if you're not totally mismatched
or if it's not too late basically.
And again, I talk more about
the love sammich approach
in another video
on how to handle
an angry woman
or get more of what you want
or resolve conflict.
Few extra tips,
try to choose a time
when you won't be interrupted
try to let her know ahead of time
that you do want to talk to her about something.
She's going to ask you what?
Wait, you can be firm
it's okay, it's not a big deal
let's talk about it when we're not
distracted or interrupted
after dinner or whatever.
And you want to plan
for a smooth conversation
but you can probably expect
some turbulence relationships
when discussing and dealing with conflict,
the things that people don't want to give up
whether it's you or her
often come with
feelings of resistance.
So, you've known that that's probably going to happen
especially the further look
down the road she is
with potentially
flirting or engaging
with some other guy.
Example,
some of you won't like this
but you know what,
it's different when you're in a long-term relationship
that you don't want to just let slide
into the toilet.
(Giggles)
Right, okay so,
you might say something like
you're a good woman Ashley,
that's part of why I love.
You know women want to be loved cherished
you do too
but you also more want to be respected.
Anyway okay, carrying on
it bothers me that you spend time
alone with Chad
because even though I trust you
I know he likes you
and that makes me feel disrespected.
I want you to not spend time
with him alone anymore.
Will you do that for me?
Not like that but will you do that for me?
And then you wait
to see how she responds.
Notice how I’m not angry,
I’m not aggressive,
I’m just stating my case
for what I need
I being you
if you're in this situation.
Key point,
if you deliver this
with love, grace, and respect
her reaction
will tell you a lot
about how far
down the road she is
mentally if not physically
with her plans
to be disloyal.
And or
how emotionally
mature she is.
So, if she has a bad reaction,
if it's either case,
if it's because she is already doing
something she should not be doing
and she knows it.
She might have a bad reaction,
she might fly off the handle,
she might
accuse you of being insecure,
she might
whatever she might do it's not a good reaction
it's not given back
with love and respect and grace.
Or she's emotionally immature
maybe she's not down the road
with Chad or Tyrone or whoever
and she is
angry that you're jealous and insecure
and accusing her
of something she's not doing.
But still,
if you come to her
with
respect and love and grace
then she should be
compassionate enough
to be able to appease
your suffering
in a loving way.
Ladies, appease suffering
in a loving way,
which brings us to
the most important thing
you must do
if you suspect your girlfriend
is cheating on you
or your wife
focus on you.
Now, this sounds a little disjointed
for some of the other videos
I've said where like if you've dropped the ball
then you need to pick up the ball
you definitely need to do that.
If you know for sure you've dropped the ball
and you're taking her for granted
then start doing
the things you stopped doing
that she
used to appreciate.
But you also need to still
focus on
doing the things for yourself
that you've dropped the ball on.
Maybe you're not going to the gym anymore,
maybe you're not hanging out with the guys anymore,
maybe you're not playing sports anymore.
I mean, there are things you can do
even during
a crazy time in the world
that will help elevate
your own confidence and self-esteem
and will reflect
in other areas of your life.
So, you still need to bring it
to the table for yourself
and you still need to bring it to the table
for your partner.
And this applies
whether you're a man or a woman.
Key point,
you want to start doing
the things
you know you need to do
regardless of her reaction.
Okay so, you're not just doing to get
that's manipulation
you're doing it because
it's the right thing to do.
You're going to man up
if you don't like that term
you shouldn't be on my channel
but you're going to man up
for yourself.
And yes,
you're going to man up
your partner position
for your partner
and for your woman.
So, if you used to be more romantic
try for her.
If you used to be more healthy and fit
try for you.
Wherever you slid down the scale
of being a high value man
you need to focus on getting
back up that ladder
and you're going to do it for you
primarily for you
and it will have a ripple effect.
If it's not too late,
if she's not damaged goods,
if you are actually
compatible and well matched
in terms of values, goals,
and belief systems.
Key point,
if you do it for you
without being resentful
or acting condescending or
contemptuous to her.
If she is the right woman for you
and she is a good woman
then she will notice
and she will respond accordingly.
But key point, you have to be patient
because if you slack for a long time
either in the relationship
or on yourself
it's going to take her some time
to trust
that the changes you start to make
are real
and lasting
If she's no longer for you
or if it's gone on too long
or if she's already started
seeing someone else on the sly
you will feel better
being single again
if you start
working on you.
And you'll be more attractive
to other women
if you decide you want to date again.
Relationships require
a lot of ongoing effort
just like a car
you got to maintain the car
you got to maintain the relationship.
You're going to make effort
whether you're in the relationship
with the person you're with now
or if you have to start over
dating somebody else.
There's going to be effort required
unless you decide to just bow out.
If you want to just do whatever you want to do
and be like relationship lazy
that's okay too
you don't have to be in a relationship.
I'm not here to tell you
you have to be in a relationship.
I'm just helping support you
if you want to be in a relationship
that is successful happy and long term,
which brings us to the solution
for those of you who have
allowed your insecurities
to self-sabotage your relationship.
Coaching and or counseling.
Counseling isn't for sissies.
I'll say that again,
counseling is not
for sissies but remember,
we all have shortcomings in blind spots.
We can't see our own blind spots
and sometimes even when we can see them
we don't know how to deal with them.
Key point,
if you think your insecurities
have been negatively
affecting your relationship
or you keep choosing women
who are not good for you.
The bravest thing you can do
is take responsibility
for fixing that.
As I've said in many of my videos
if you always do what you've always done
you'll always get
what you've always got.
How's that working out?
If it's not working out so well
you might want to consider counseling.
I'm going to leave a link
to an online
counseling option
and a coaching
one-on-one coaching option
for those of you who might want to
get a little extra help.
And there is a discount code
exclusively for
more for you.
So, definitely follow that link
if you think you might be ready
to get some help
on fixing the areas
that are still
not working for you.
Thanks for being here,
big hug.
God bless
(Music)