Nice to see you, Colin. (audience cheering)
Thank you, Conan.
How are you?
Good, me and Spalding have on our matching outer wear.
(laughing) You're wearing linen,
and I think that's important.
It's summer now. That's right.
We should all wear linen (Colin laughing)
'cause it's so hot in this studio.
Isn't it folks?
(audience chattering) (Conan laughing)
They're melting.
My kinda crowd. Yeah, yes.
Let me tell you Colin, you're in the theater now.
This is very exciting.
It is very exciting to be in the theater,
as Mr. Gray, you know, very well, the theater life.
And well last, I'd like to start out by talking
about the last time we met, on the court.
Aah, that's right, you and I played basketball.
That's right, we did.
It's like a year and a half ago or something.
It was about two years ago, actually.
I remember the date, July 6th. (Conan laughing)
And after the game you bought,
you and Adam Sandler were friends,
and you bought him a soda and yourself one
and didn't buy me one.
(audience groaning)
It's not a big deal folks.
I don't want it to be like, he's...
Now, don't, you shouldn't take that personally.
I just thought that Adam Sandler was thirsty,
and I didn't know that you were thirsty.
Well, I was very thirsty,
and it doesn't matter like I said, it's no big deal.
You had a good game, kind of a Rik Smits thing going on.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, well, I like to think
of myself as sort of a Rik Smits, like a gangly, goofy guy.
No, I didn't mean like that. (Colin laughing)
I just meant, a guy's who's not afraid
to shoot the ball up once (audience laughing)
in a while from outside. (Conan laughing)
How far outside was I shooting?
25, 30, 35. Yeah.
Were they going in, I don't remember?
Yeah, they were all swishes. (audience laughing)
That's why the soda thing hurt even more,
after a successful game,
you figure you'd wanna go for the 70 cents
and hook somebody else up, but...
Oh, I'm sorry, Colin.
It won't happen again. It's okay Conan, thank you.
Let's go after the show.
Spalding Gray, you, Andy, and I will all go out,
and I'll buy sodas for everyone.
That'll be great. (Conan laughing)
You look thrilled about the whole thing.
Well, I am.
Oh, come on, this is nice.
You're "Sanctifying Grace."
You've got a one man show, that's great.
Was it hard to do?
Well, it's hard, like you said,
that theater, I'm used to the money
of the standup comedy circuit,
that instant gratification. Mm-hmm.
And I really am making no money.
Spalding, as you well know, that's what I was gonna say,
there's not a lot of money in the theater.
No offense to you, but it's slim pickings out there.
(audience laughing) (Conan laughing)
You're doing the John Borman film for the money,
but you know what I mean. (Conan laughing)
Well, he stole the suit too.
I think that's some indication there.
I don't know- It's the cat.
what I'm getting paid for this show,
but I know I need it, I'll tell you that much.
Do we pay people to come on this show?
Yeah, a couple of hundred.
What, you don't just come on 'cause you want to?
Oh no, of course.
I mean, the money's nothing to do with it.
I like living with my mother, 35 years old, but...
All right, so the money isn't rolling in now
that you're doing "Sanctifying Grace"?
No. I noticed this is a play,
this is a show about
being Irish, our people. Our people.
Why would you think I was Irish?
I don't know, maybe just...
I noticed this, I was looking through the program.
We have the program here.
We leave nothing to chance for your show.
And I noticed that all the ads are for Irish bars.
(audience laughing) It's true.
Look at this, Fitzpatrick's, Rosie O'Gradys, McRory's.
The whole thing is packed
with Kinsale Tavern, Flannery's, Gallagher's, Lanigan's,
Fiddler's Green, P.J. Moran's.
What's going on?
You just go to every bar and get cash from them?
Yeah, well the last page is an ad for AA,
as you can see. (Conan laughing)
Oh no, this is, but this show is about growing up.
You grew up in Brooklyn.
Right, but it's not about that.
It's just about a... (audience member howling)
There we go. (audience clapping)
Okay, then it is about that, yes.
Yes, exactly.
But it's your growing up and being Irish.
Yeah, that's exactly what it's about.
It's about that Northeast Irish thing.
That's why I was a little disappointed
when you didn't come opening night.
I don't mean to sit out here and criticize you.
I know the basketball and now this, but you know.
I didn't buy you a Coke, and I didn't come opening night.
Well you are the biggest Irish, New York celebrity.
Denis Leary's outta town.
And no, I was just kidding. (audience cheering)
That's me, I'm number two. (Colin laughing)
It's not easy to be number two.
That was an intimate moment we had.
I got a real charge of it myself.
We're gonna go away to commercial and no,
nothing is gonna happen. (Colin laughing)
Now, let me ask you something, the "Remote Control" thing.
Yeah. All right.
I know that you're doing legitimate theater now
and that's exciting- Yeah.
but do you miss being on "Remote Control", MTV?
I miss it because you know the sidekick life, Andy?
Yeah. (Conan laughing)
Maybe you two can talk now about the sidekick life.
He didn't seem too thrilled about.
Kinda ignoring me actually, but yeah.
I mean, it was a good life, but you know like you,
like Ken Ober gets the lion's share of the money.
Guys like me and Andy, let's face it.
We don't really- That's not true.
Andy gets paid much more than I do.
Really? Andy gets like 90%
of the money, and I get 10%.
That's how we've worked it out.
Okay. My dad owns NBC.
(Conan laughing)
(audience laughing) Forgot about that, Andy.
Andy said, you know what,
the sidekicks should have a union.
Are you guys organized, are sidekicks organized?
Andy, what do you say we get together down
at the Local 16- Yeah, after the show.
After the show- Okay.
pound a few down. All right.
You miss it though, do you miss doing a show,
like "Remote Control"?
Was it fun?
That's silly, why would I miss the adulation?
(Conan laughing)
The big money?
Like the labor off Broadway on 11th Avenue.
Hopefully the guys in the Munson Diner will show up.
(crowd laughing)
Don't put this show down,
this is legitimate theater. I love the show, I know.
I wanna ask you... There's a big review
in the post today.
And then Barbra Streisand's thing knocked it right out.
(Conan laughing)
'Cause she needs it, thanks, Barbra,
you need the publicity, not me, I'm doing great.
Well, no, no. No, good.
No, Barbra Streisand does need a push right now.
You've had your share of success.
I've had my chops.
No, there's a line in here I wanna ask you about.
There's a line in your show that I heard about,
which is a guy, someone in the play is half Irish,
half Italian, which means he loves to fight and he can.
Right. (audience laughing)
Now, I want you to explain that to me.
Who can't fight?
Why would I explain that and possibly risk a left hook
at some bar some night from whoever's side I say can't.
And the sad thing about that line is Mario Joyner,
you know him, he was another MTV guy.
Yes. He wrote that line.
Oh, really?
Just gave it to me.
What's sad about that?
Well, it's sad that the one line you quote
in the show was written by somebody
who's really nothing to do with the show.
So let's review. Gave me his free line.
He gave me his free line.
Let's quickly review how many times
I've offended you tonight. (Colin laughing)
It started July 6th, three years ago.
All started with a can of ginger ale.
Was it ginger ale you wanted?
No, it was ginger ale that you and Adam Sandler had.
Oh.
What did you want?
What would make this up for you?
I wanna end the bad vibes between us.
I wanted a Coke. (Conan laughing)
All right, well, I'm gonna get you a Coke
after the show,
and listen best of luck with this.
Thank you very much.
Colin Quinn is in "Sanctifying Grace."
You guys should check it out. (audience clapping)
Thanks very... (audience clapping)