[decidedly non-robotic jazz music]
The mid-90s were a golden age for giant mech games,
and today I wanna focus on one I rarely see discussed.
Iron Assault, developed by Graffiti and published in 1995 by Virgin Interactive for MS-DOS PCs.
This is one of those I picked up really early on as a retro PC game collector, costing a
grand total of 99 cents still sealed from a discount retailer’s clearance section.
And other than being a mech game, which I’m always fond of, the main reason it stood out
was strictly down to the box art.
I remember being immediately drawn to the understated artwork,
with its vague outline of a giant mech torn into a metal wall,
and that apocalyptic-looking cityscape behind it.
Though it did receive more traditional mech game cover art in its home country of Italy,
where developer Graffiti was based.
And in case that sounds familiar, they were more well-known for their Screamer series
of racing games, also for DOS PCs in the mid-90s.
And they’re actually still around as Milestone s.r.l., most known for their yearly onslaught
of MotoGP, MXGP, AMA Supercross, and Ride games.
And the occasional non-motorcycle licensed title like Hot Wheels Unleashed.
But back in the day, Graffiti was a smaller, more experimental group of programmers,
artists, and creatives based in Milan, Italy.
With Iron Assault being one of their first published games, attempting to compete with
the likes of MechWarrior and EarthSiege by offering its own unique multimedia presentation.
Namely, the inclusion of full motion video cutscenes, alluded to by these screenshots.
FMV on its own is nothing special, but Iron Assault set itself apart
by using miniatures and stop motion animation.
Which I just love.
Reviewers at the time weren’t quite as receptive to its low-budget choppy cutscenes, and in
general Iron Assault received middling to low review scores.
But whatever, I say bring on the toy robots!
Inside the box you get the game itself on CD-ROM inside a folding cardboard case, a
selection of paperwork going over product updates and registration stuff, a Virgin Interactive
product catalog with all of their latest and upcoming wares towards the end of 1995.
And a 30-page instruction manual covering all the robotic gameplay and controls you
need to know, with a good chunk of it dedicated to figuring out the nonsense you’d likely
run into trying to get it working in DOS with troublesome memory configurations.
Sounds like fun, so let’s get it installed
and check out those delightful stop motion videos!
[dramatic cutscene music]
[sci-fi gunfire and explosions]
Aw look at the little guys.
This is just adorable.
And I don’t mean that in a derogatory way, I think it’s great!
Perhaps it’s no Harryhausen but it’ll do, providing the game an immediate charm.
Brings back memories of playing with my friend’s Battletech toys on a lazy Sunday afternoon
while drinking off-brand Mountain Dew.
Good times.
After you’re done watching model spaceships on fishing line,
Iron Assault begins with the main menu.
And starting a new game promptly gets you shot in the face.
[BLAM!]
Followed by the opportunity to select from a few pre-made pilots or create a new one.
Once you’ve got a name and a callsign, you're dropped
straight into the game at Unicorn Base, in the remote location of
America.
It’s the 20th of February, 2094, and before you begin assaulting any iron,
you first need to look around your iron-clad bunker.
Off to the right is a control terminal for selecting story missions, behind that is a
locker holding your mission logs, and to the left is a door for heading off to missions,
with a bed for exiting to DOS beside that.
Sweet command prompt dreams.
Going through that door brings you to the hallway,
opening up to another room with access to the combat sim.
Here you’ve got a selection of maps to play
either solo or multiplayer through modem or serial link.
Basically an arcade deathmatch mode.
But the story missions are the main appeal here, so let’s head back to the chair.
Once connected to WorldNET, feel free to read the latest news if there happens to be any.
Or more importantly, check out your next mission.
With a briefing of the primary target and any secondary objectives, a map of the area,
and a video report with more of those delightfully animated cutscenes.
They’re short but sweet, with each of the game’s 50-plus missions having its own unique
little video to go along with it.
After that you can choose from one of two Battle-Machines,
Iron Assault’s dollar store version of Battlemechs.
With more capable, but often heavier and slower, BMs unlocking as you progress.
Once your BM has enough explosive potential, head into the corridor and down the hall to
kick off the mission, and another monochromatic cutscene.
[alarms blaring, intense music]
[ship engines whirring]
-"Dropping you off! Good luck!"
[bass-driven AdLib music]
Welcome, pilot, to Iron Assault!
Steer your bot towards the nearest bad guy and just start shooting, because this is one
mighty straightforward mech experience.
Often these types of games verge on simulator territory,
functioning more as a walking tank sim than anything else.
Not Iron Assault though.
Here it’s as simple as directing your BM towards enemy AI and letting loose everything
you’ve got, with negligible thought or strategy required for the most part.
Each mission takes place in one of four environments: city, mountain, desert, or arctic.
And all worlds play the same due to the game’s mapping limitations, but whatever!
It’s still fun blowing up pixelated robots.
And the environment too! You can shoot up walls, blast open doors,
smash objects on the ground, step on cars and enemy pilots.
All while spouting one-liners that are about as dumb and cliché as you’d expect.
Fantastic.
[explosion] -More where that came from, pal! See you around!
-Pucker up and kiss your butt goodbye!
-Damn I'm good!
Unfortunately there’s not much in the way of mech sounds or environmental ambience though.
Some ground-shaking footstep sounds and engine droning might’ve been a nice addition.
You do at least get a competent AdLib soundtrack though,
and a surprisingly dynamic one at that!
There’s a song that plays for each world, and depending on what you’re doing it changes
composition and intensity, letting you know when enemies are in range
or you’ve been targeted for combat.
It’s repetitious, but useful stuff.
[low-intensity AdLib music]
[music changes composition] [missiles launching]
Something Iron Assault got roasted for in ‘95 was its barebones graphics situation.
And it admittedly didn’t look amazing up against its higher budget competitors,
namely Mechwarrior 2 and Metaltech: Earthsiege.
There are no polygonal 3D models, with every moving object in the game
composed entirely of scaling 2D sprites.
What it does have is a fully texture-mapped world that runs well on any half-decent 486,
with limitations similar to raycasting engines like Wolfenstein 3D's.
Stuff like terrain height that never changes, always using 90-degree walls,
and the inability to look up or down.
Thankfully, the arcadey action keeps things moving without much brainpower required.
Seriously, all you get is an objective or two to complete at most, and there’s no
particular order required for doing them.
And rarely is it ever more complicated than destroy X number of enemies
or capture Y number of items.
Usually you’ll have to blow open a door to infiltrate a base, but really that’s
just the same routine as everything else,
but with more cramped corridors and darker lighting.
So as long as you manage to shoot faster than your enemies and maintain a loadout that doesn’t
totally suck, then you’re gonna do okay.
And the control scheme reflects that, with most movement being handled via the numpad,
shooting and targeting using space and enter, and a few other keys manage your mech.
You can also offload a number of inputs onto the mouse or a joystick.
Sadly there’s no option to remap controls in-game,
but eh, it’s simple enough that it’s fine.
No need to worry about silliness like energy allocation, weapon linkage,
or aiming at individual limbs to scrap other bots.
Just point, shoot, capture and destroy.
Each mission lasts between 5 and 10 minutes, perfect if you want some quick mechanized
action without a bunch of pesky strategy, or depth.
[chuckle]
Maybe that sounds sarcastic but I mean it, I appreciate how dumb this is!
Like, there’s a story but who cares, you know how it goes.
It’s a hundred years in the future, humans killed the climate, civil unrest and fallen
governments, wealthy megacorporations rule the world and yadda bladda.
Just another day in the 21st century.
The important thing is that everyone seems to prefer settling disputes using giant robots,
and that’s rad!
So it’s your job as a wide-eyed recruit to join the good fight and make the world
a better place by wiping out their weapons of war using your weapons of war.
Kinda gives me a Starship Troopers vibe by way of Robot Jox,
and that’s all good in my book.
-"A brave few have fought against all odds to repel the horrific onslaught."
-"A band of rebels who've been able to amass a force strong enough to fight back!"
-"Possibly even win."
[gratuitously cheesy music]
-"The fate of the world lies with you,"
-"and your brave band of rebels!"
And whenever you die, ah man, it’s a whole thing.
[noisily explosive BM]
There’s a game over screen saying how things
are effectively hopeless now without their best pilot.
You idiot, now the freedom of the world is lost!
Hope you feel guilty, ya dead jerk!
Yeah there’s a lot to like here, but Iron Assault has what I find are two problems that
are weirdly at odds with each other.
The first is that after an hour and a half, two hours or so,
the game gets annoyingly complicated.
And the second is that it’s somehow still too simple for its own good,
becoming downright boring.
The complicated part arrives once you complete enough missions, rank up and move to a new
base, and unlock new weapons, bots, and crew members.
Typical stuff for a mech game, but Iron Assault includes it in a half-baked way
that's more frustrating than fun.
Your squadron in particular is a pain to deal with, with only one pilot at first but up
to three later on in the campaign.
Sometimes they actually do what they’re supposed to and act like a rational human
being with laser-guided missiles, wiping out foes on your behalf.
But mostly they walk around like a doofus, getting stuck on walls, wandering off at random,
and getting killed in supremely stupid ways.
There’s no way to command them in real-time, you can only give one of six orders from the
map screen and hope that they follow through.
And typically, they don’t.
The two best commands seem to be “group with me” and “attack my target.”
Everything else is a toss-up as to whether or not they’ll do any damage, or get killed
off by sheer incompetence.
[guy dies stupidly, screams]
Another pain is the inclusion of so many object retrieval missions.
Not because they’re boring, even though they are.
But because there’s no clean way to pick things up.
Instead you’re expected to wander close but, not too close and not too fast, and you’ll
automatically suck things into your cargo hold.
[cargo hold suck noises]
If you’re too quick or clumsy,
you’ll step on what you were supposed to save and destroy it.
[CRUNCH]
Cargo, weapons, prisoners of war.
All toe jam.
[pilot screaming]
Ahh crap, I needed that guy!
Too bad he was like 6 pixels tall on the floor, I didn’t even see him.
And there’s no straight down view or any external camera, so that sucks.
You do have a lower cockpit you can crawl into, but the view is the same as the upper
cockpit, just smaller and with more screens.
Combine all these frustrations with the fact that the maps and objectives repeat over,
and over, and over, dozens of times?
Yeah it wears out its welcome and becomes mind-numbing to play after a few hours of
the same few events happening on a loop.
And that’s Iron Assault from 1995!
Not an awful mech game by any means, but not an all-time classic either.
Still, I find it to be a charming little DOS game, with its stop-motion toy robot videos
and arcadey, if repetitive, combat.
It would've been a solid weekend rental on something like the Sega Saturn, actually.
One of those you’d excitedly grab on a Friday night, exhaust its options by Saturday afternoon,
and have no problem returning it on Sunday.
Except that never happened.
Because it wasn’t a rental for consoles, it was an MS-DOS PC game
that cost between 45 and $55.
Yeah, I can see being disappointed if I’d paid full price for this back in the day,
especially if I could’ve spent my money on Earthsiege instead.
And I mean, that’s what I did, that game was great.
However judged on its own merits as a forgotten lower budget wannabe with nifty cutscenes?
Yeah, I’d say Iron Assault is all right.
[missiles firing, explosions] -"This is the end of the line, pal!"
And if you enjoyed this LGR retrospective then check out my others on retro PC games,
I’ve made a lot of ‘em!
Or stick around for new videos on computery topics each week here on LGR.
And as always, thank you for watching!