JACK: Everything we know.
JOE: Yes?
JACK: Scrap it.
[HEAVY MUSIC]
[MILITARY MUSIC]
JOE: You’re having a laugh.
JACK: I’ve got to read this.
The Top Gear producers have set you and Joe a different kind of challenge.
As if we needed it, thanks.
This is an FV432, an armoured fighting vehicle built for the British army in the 1960s – old.
It has a 6-cylinder, 12-piston Rolls Royce engine.
JOE: Of course it’s Rolls Royce.
JACK: Obviously a Rolls.
JOE: Yes.
JACK: This particular beast spends its life having paintball battles
in the Leicestershire countryside.
JOE: Pretty cool.
JACK: It gets a wash once a year.
That year is up.
Off you go.
JOE: Absolutely amazing.
JACK: Off you go.
JOE: Oh, cheers mate.
JACK: Everything we know.
JOE: Yes.
JACK: Scrap it, it’s out the window on this one, isn’t it?
Wash mitts, no, hammer and chisel.
Let’s have a look at this.
JACK: Some challenge.
JOE: Don’t.
Let’s have a look at these tracks.
JACK: It’s a mission is what it is.
[LAUGHTER]
JOE: There’s lumps of mud in there bigger than cars I’ve cleaned in the past.
JACK: The problem is, I don’t know where the mud stops and the bodywork starts.
JOE: It’s mud on mud on mud.
JACK: There’s probably a bit of cow pat in there and all.
JOE: Yes, and I’m seeing paint on the side of it.
JACK: Yes.
JOE: With mud.
[LAUGHTER]
JACK: Did you want the inside doing?
OFF SCREEN: Yes.
JACK: We’re better off getting a lumberjack in for this.
JOE: You know when you feel like you’re not qualified to clean any more?
JACK: Have you seen the size of this?
JOE: That’s the Big Bertha, that one.
JACK: There’s at least two foot of neat mud.
Get stuck in.
Get in there like swimwear.
Oh, there’s a shock absorber there, mind that.
I can see why they only do it once a year now.
JOE: I see why they’ve got us in to do it.
JACK: Yes.
JOE: Oh, it’s going.
JACK: Wahey, timber!
JOE: Yes, go on Jack.
Getting a lungful of that, I am.
[LAUGHTER]
JACK: Mate, I’m not going to lie, I am knackered,
but I cannot wait to get the pressure washer out.
JOE: While you’re setting the pressure washer up, let me run around with some TFR and then
I’ll let you have that.
JACK: Good chap.
[MUSIC]
JOE: So, we normally use traffic film remover when we’re pre-washing a car, but today
we’re hoping it’s going to loosen up some of the thick mud.
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
JACK: Tracks are done.
JOE: Two hours we lost.
JACK: So many wheels.
JOE: 32 to be precise.
JACK: Is that how many there is?
JOE: Yeah.
JACK: Not the most detailed work we’ve ever done but so much mud.
JOE: We just need to start cracking on with the bodywork.
JACK: Let’s get the bodywork done.
[MUSIC]
JOE: Think ‘less detailer’...
JACK: More ‘chimney sweep’.
JOE: Let's go.
[LAUGHTER]
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
JOE: Although it’s a big area, it’s actually more detailed than it looks and the smaller
brush is working a treat.
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
JOE: Right, it’s time to tackle the inside of this thing.
I’ve got some microfibre, some brushes, some sprays.
There’s absolutely all sorts of materials, exposed metal, dials.
I think I’m just going to have to get stuck in.
[MUSIC]
JACK: My man.
JOE: Jack, I’ve done as much as I can in here.
You need to get in here and swap out.
JACK: I’ll do the hard bit.
JOE: Good man, cheers, bye.
JACK: I’m really glad I didn’t have that extra pie at lunch.
[MUSIC]
JACK: Whilst this is the most effective way of doing it, it still feels very weird pointing
a hose inside the cockpit [LAUGHS]
JOE: I’d say it looks better.
I feel like you’ve just rolled in it, soaked it up.
JACK: I drill brushed it and mopped it up with my jumper.
JOE: Oh, you’re the mop, oh, OK, I understand.
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
JACK: Good job I’ve got that slim physique, isn’t it?
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
JACK: Geez?
JOE: Jack.
JACK: To summarise, I didn’t want to do it.
JOE: Yes, I’m not going to rush back to do another one but we’ve done it.
JACK: Exactly.
As for the tank, it’s not perfect, there’s still a little bit of mud on there, but…
JOE: There’s more mud on you than on that tank mate.
JACK: I’ve taken one for the team, all right.
JOE: Yes, you have, yes.
JACK: As for the producers, they set us a challenge, I think we smashed it.
JOE: I’d agree.
JACK: You make your own mind up.
Come on you, let’s get out of here.
[MILITARY MUSIC]