Transcriber: Caroline ERUIMY Reviewer: Capa Girl
Hello, beautiful TED folks.
How are you all?
So, I've been up since 3 AM.
I had a long day and am on East Coast time.
So it's a little funky.
And I often get woken up at that hour because this is when
the spiritful veil is lifted.
This is a beautiful magic hour that 2 to 3 AM
when we have this opportunity to connect to the divine energy around us.
And I am often woken at that time to get to work.
this is where some of my greatest work happens:
3 o'clock in the morning.
And so I got the wake up call and I said OK let me sit up in my bed,
and I sat myself up, and I started to breathe and I started to connect
and center in to my internal guidance system.
And I kept hearing my ego, my fear voice say,
"18 minutes, 18 minutes, 18 minutes."
All we have is 18 minutes to speak to you.
And then I kept hearing this other dialog of,
"You always have 2 hours 18 minutes is not long enough",
and going into that negative talk of "only 18 minutes."
And then I just listened, I breathed into the discomfort of this future tripping
and I just allowed myself to experience whatever that issue was
and within a few seconds it started to lift
and I listened to my internal dialog, my inner guidance system
and that voice within me said,
"Speak your truth and time will expand."
And I took a deep breath and I said,
"Yes! Thank you that's exactly what I needed to hear as usual."
I closed out my meditation stood up out of my bed
went to my computer and deleted my TED talk outline.
(Laughter)
I let go of the form I let go of the "how to"
or the details or the time frame
or the "everyone else does it this way" crap
and I said, the way I do this is share my truth and time expands,
share my truth and my inspiration can speak trough me,
share my truth and I will be of the highest service I can possibly be.
And so I listened, I got a few moments of sleep
and when I was ready to roll out of bed I said my morning prayer
and I said, "Where would you have me go?
What would you have me do?
What would you have me say?
And what would you have me wear? (Laughter)
I did good, right? (Laughter)
And then I began my day --
and my TED talk outline is in the delete section
of my google docs. And you are going to get my truth.
You will get it in 18 minutes.
And my truth, my truth is so connected to me today.
I live my truth, I walk my truth I breathe my truth.
Of course there are many moments when I am disconnected from my truth,
but I know where to go, I sit down on that meditation pillow,
and I reconnect, and I recalibrate and I come back home.
As a result of living in my truth I've been guided to be a student and a teacher
of the metaphysical text of "course of miracles."
And, I have, as a result of being a student of the course experienced
many miraculous shifts in my own life.
And today I live a life far beyond my wildest dreams.
But it was not always this awesome.
About 6 years ago I lived a much different life, in a much different way.
I was emotionally and spiritually bankrupt.
I lived the first 25 years of my life really looking for happiness and self-worth
and connectedness in all the wrong places.
I was looking for this connection and the inspiration in my credentials
or in my relationships, or in an amount of money
or in a pair of shoes,
or in the fact that I had access to some great night club.
Who knows, I was just looking for it in all of these outside circumstances.
And It was a really tough search, it was an endless search, it was a difficult search
and it was terrifyingly difficult and sad.
I got to the point when I was 21 I opened my first business
and I really felt as though I have arrived because now I have a credential
that says I am doing something great in the world.
But meanwhile I just felt completely emotionally bankrupt.
and so I continued on for about 5 years, living in this way,
of running this business and living this fast paced New York City lifestyle
and having all of the necessary trappings of what it took to be a happy person,
a person who had "a lot going on."
But in the midst of that I was anesthetizing as all of these deep rooted fears,
and deep rooted anxieties and terrible terrible thoughts,
thoughts of inadequacy,
thoughts that I'm not good enough unless I have a romantic partner,
thoughts that I'm not good enough if I don't get this new client
or have that amount enough money.
I'm not good enough "because" --
I had a terrible case of the "when-I-haves."
When I have that new client, I'll be happy.
When I have that new pair of shoes I'll be happy.
When I have that new relationship, I'll be happy.
And when my when-I-haves became my I-haves I was still unhappy.
And by the time I was 25 I was really trying to anesthetize
all this discomfort with all these different kinds of things
such as food, and alcohol, and romance, and sex, and money
and worst of all, drugs.
By the time I was 25 I picked up a very very bad cocaine addiction
and I was physically drained, emotionally deteriorating
and spiritually dead.
And then on October 2nd 2005, I went to sleep
and that night, right before I went to bed I said to myself,
"God, Universe, Whoever is out there, I need a miracle."
And I woke up that morning, and I heard an inner voice
a very authoritative loud inner calling that said to me,
"Get your life together, girl and you will live beyond your wildest dreams."
And I have been listening to that voice ever since.
This past October 2nd, I celebrated 6 years of sobriety. Thank you. (Applause)
And in that time I have been physically recovering through my sobriety
and through the way I treat my body, and what I eat.
I have been spiritually recovering, as a student of A Course in Miracles.
I found the course through the beautiful transformational teacher Mariane Williamson
and the way that she interpreted this text made it relevant for me
made it easy for me to understand and it was very clear
by the time I was 26 years old that this was what I was here to do.
I am here to be a student and a teacher of A Course in Miracles.
And I went to Mariane and said, "How would you suggest
I carry this message to my generation."
And she said, "Read the text, do the workbook,
read the teacher's manual and get on your knees and ask God
how he plans for you to carry this message to your generation.
And I did just that.
And so when I went out to pick up A Course in Miracles
and allow this book to come in my life in full form
I walked over to my local metaphysical book store
and I walk in and there is a huge display of A Course in Miracles on sale
and I said, "That's right".
And then I walked over to the display
and I picked up the book and I held on to the book
and a huge force of energy behind the book
dragged me physically to the counter to buy the book.
This force of energy physically dragged me to the register
and so once again I took the universal memo and said OK,
let's get to work.
I walked outside on to this busy New York City street
and I opened the book and it said, "This is a course in miracles,
this is a required course."
And I said all right, show me what you've got.
And so I have been a student and a teacher ever since
practicing the principles of forgiveness.
The primary principle of the course of miracles is
that a miracle is a shift in perception.
The moment that we choose to perceive our life with love,
we can create a miraculous change.
And through the experience of forgiveness, the miracle occurs.
And so one day at a time, one thought at a time
I have been re-programming my thoughts form fear to love.
I have been choosing forgiveness as my primary function
I have been allowing myself to settle into that truth, which is love.
One moment at a time, we experience what the course refers to as
"The holy instant" -- the moment that we make that shift,
the miracle occurs.
The holy instant is when an ancient hatred becomes a holy love.
That moment when all of that anger, and that past resentment just disappears
it goes away, it no longer matters.
I that moment you recalibrate that energy of peace
you recalibrate that energy of inspiration, of source.
In that moment, you are ready to serve.
What happens to each of us, each of us in some way shape or form
have chosen the ego, the fear based mind
have chosen what the course refers to as the tiny mad idea.
Each of us, at some point in time and in some way
we have chosen that tiny mad idea
and as the course says, we detoured into fear and it was like
a descent from magnitude into littleness.
and that negative voice, that fear based voice
that one tiny mad idea
becomes like a virus in our mind, it takes over our reality
and it blocks our truth.
And so what I'm not here to do is I'm not here to teach you
how do you find your truth --
I'm here to teach you how to release the blocks to the presence of that truth.
Of course, a miracle is an unlearning.
It's the unlearning of the ego's false belief system.
It's an unlearning of the negativity of the lack of the comparing, of the separation.
The ego wants us to see everyone as separate.
The ego wants us to see the speakers on this stage
as much more special than those people in the audience.
The ego wants me to be sitting in that stage all day long looking at everybody else
saying, "Oh my god, they are more special than I am."
Or saying, "Oh, I am so much more better than they are."
And so this is how the ego works. Ego works in so many vicious ways.
A Course in Miracles says the ego is
"Suspicious at best, vicious at worst."
And each of us have this horrifying belief system within us.
And so it is our job, it is our duty, to release those blocks
release those fear based belief systems.
One loving shift at a time. One miraculous change at a time.
We release the blocks to that presence of love within us
and we reconnect to that inspiration.
When we reconnect to that divine inspiration within us
then we have more energy. Then we have more vitality.
Then we have more health Then we have more direction.
Then we can hear.
When we're thinking in fear, we cut off communication with that inspiration.
When we open up to think with love and we allow the voice
of our inner guidance system to come forward
we reconnect with that inspiration and that inspiration becomes our guide.
When inspiration is your guide, you become a miracle worker.
And so, the work for each of you to do, to begin to release the blocks
of the presence of love within you is to first and foremost become willing.
All I needed on October 2nd 2005 was the slightest willingness
to say, "God, Universe, whoever is out there, show me what you've got."
And that slight willingness was the catalyst for my greatest change
and is the reason I am standing here today, speaking to you
in my full truth, without an outline.
And just allowing source to work through me, allowing this divine inspiration
to speak through me.
Before I came out here on the stage
I said some prayers with some of my sisters and we were in the back and I said,
"May all the Goddesses of the highest truth
and compassion come speak through us now,
may our body be a vessel to carry an empowering message to serve the masses."
(Applause)
Get out of my own way. Stop checking my hair out in the mirror,
although I think it still looks good. (Laughter)
But recognizing the purpose of this body,
understanding the purpose of this body
when you live in your truth
and you release the blocks of the presence of love within you
you know why you are here, you know what need to do
and you know where to go because you are listening.
And so the first step once again, is willingness.
Have that slight willingness to change.
Each woman on the stage today had willingness,
in some form to make a change and that's why she is who she is today.
The second step is a foregone surrender.
Release your will. Let go of your plans.
Let go of your time clock. Let go of the 18 minutes, right?
Let go of the form. Let go of what you think you need.
And allow that voice of your inner guidance system to come forward
and lead you, and direct you, and guide you,
and show you where to go, and show you what to say,
and show you who to speak to, and open the doors for you,
and drag the book to the counter,
and give you every thing you need to support your highest truth.
And then the third step is to practice the F word, forgiveness.
Practice the F word like a full time job, folks.
Forgiveness is the key to recalibrating that loving presence.
Forgiveness lets you off the hook.
Forgiveness takes that gun that you have been planting in your own head and puts it down.
Forgiveness is the catalyst for your greatest change.
Become willing to forgive.
And the final step is to expect miracles.
If we don't expect miracles, then why are we here?
If we don't live in a way where we have full faith
that the Universe has our back, that we have full faith
that we can be that woman or man that we want to be.
When we have full faith that we can show up without an outline
or we can have full faith that we can heal our body
or heal our mind or change our entire perspective
so that we can live a life beyond our wildest dreams.
If we're not living in that faith then what are we doing?!
What are we doing if we are not connecting
to that truth and expecting miraculous shifts.
So expecting miracles is such a massive part of the gig.
A Course in Miracles says that those who are certain of the outcome
can afford to wait and wait without anxiety.
Doesn't that feel good? (Laughter)
Let it all go, expect miracles.
Wait without anxiety.
And know that the Universe has your back.
So may you all be happy, may you all be healthy,
may you all live with ease and may you all expect miracles
so that you can be a miracle worker and be inspired
and be of high service to the world.
Thank you very much.
(Applause)