I'm hiding behind this curtain because my kids
are looking for me.
No.
We're not playing hide-and-seek.
I just needed a break.
Parenting is hard AF.
I created two tiny humans.
Does that make me an expert?
Not exactly.
But I do know moms can learn from each other.
And I want to share what I know.
Hi.
I'm Kristen Bell, 44th lead of HBO's Deadwood.
I'm super excited today because I'm
going to spend the day with a first-time expectant mama.
And there's a lot of information to receive.
You know?
And it's weird.
She's going to her pants today.
I'm just kidding.
She'll do that on the delivery table.
Real Talk.
Here we go.
Hi.
I'm Kristen.
I'm Rya.
Nice to meet you.
It's so nice to meet you.
How are you feeling?
I feel mostly good.
When I would think about having my babies I would be like,
yeah I'm gonna [RETCHES].
Because there's so much anticipation.
Yes.
I'm excited and scared.
And I think you're supposed to help me with that.
Yes.
I can help you.
Oh my gosh.
Are you crying already?
It's really only when I'm pregnant.
Yeah.
It is the hormones but also I'm a pretty big celebrity.
Welcome everyone.
This is such a great opportunity to talk to you about birth.
I'm going to teach you a couple comfort measures.
It's called double hip squeeze.
You squeeze and you commit.
You stay there for the entire contraction.
What kind of a class is this?
And the reason that that feels so good--
You can do it in a minute.
So you guys have any questions?
Anybody?
Yes.
I had some questions.
Of course!
Some
Do you have any before and after diagrams
of what happens to your boobs?
Do you have any tips on how to pretend
you're asleep so that your spouse can get up
to feed the baby?
Two words-- cracked nipples.
It's not really a question but it is a horror show.
So let's discuss.
I will talk a little bit about vaginal tear.
You guys worry about that?
On the daily.
Normally, vaginas don't break in childbirth.
They really can do amazing thing.
Grow a baby.
Birth a baby.
They can be for pleasure.
But they can work.
You better work, vagina.
[LAUGHTER]
So now that we've scared you, here's
your chance to ask my OB/GYN anything you want.
How do you know when your water breaks?
It's not like the movies where you're gushing and gushing
and there's fluid everywhere.
Sometimes it's just a little leak.
And if you're ever nervous about is it pee,
is it my water breaking, just head on into Dr. [INAUDIBLE]
Just call.
Office.
She will have no shame in telling you no,
you in fact just peed your pants.
It's going to look like an autopsy.
That's what my husband calls my c-section.
Awesome.
Do you take my organs out and put them on the table
like everyone said you did?
It's the uterus.
We take the uterus out to sow it up.
And then we put it back in.
Get it out of here.
That's the only organ.
He made it seem like you were like, you know,
tying tubes and knots and throwing the liver around.
He's very dramatic.
He is.
How long after I deliver will my lady regions need to recover?
Usually six weeks.
Six weeks.
Yes.
Just don't look.
Do not take a mirror down there.
Or if you like looking at crazy wounds do it.
I did it.
I was like, what is going on?
You did a lot of finger work on me.
Yeah.
That's perineal massage.
I remember that.
It's really important.
And your doctor massaging the perineum minimizes tearing.
Dax is really good at that.
Yeah.
Lord, he was really ready to step up to the plate.
He like came in with coconut oil.
And I was like, get out of here.
You'll give a push, or a sneeze, however you
want to rocket this baby out.
Oh yeah.
And we'll go, push!
[MUSIC - "CIRCLE OF LIFE" BY CARMEN TWILLIE AND LEBO M.]
Rya, this is my friend, Katherine.
Hi.
She is a mom of two and also a CBA, certified bad ass,
of everything mommy.
Awesome.
I feel like the first thing we should definitely get out
there is steal everything from the hospital.
The mesh underwear, the pads, those big plastic mugs
for your ice chips, the swaddle blankets, right?
The mesh underwear I haven't even thought about that.
A lot of stuff is happening down there after you
give birth for quite some time.
That's why you need those un--
you need them.
You need something to hold a giant pad,
she says as you're eating you're omelette.
Yeah.
Nobody talks about the straight up highs
that you get when you have it near you.
Oh.
Or when you just like touch its skin-- the skin around here
and here it's the softest thing.
Oh that smell.
The smell is so good.
No it is like-- it is--
doesn't it release like--
it releases oxycotin Not oxycotin.
Oxytocin.
[LAUGH SNORT]
What would you have wanted to know?
Excuse me.
Do you happen to have like a watermelon?
Yeah?
This is your vagina.
Right?
Here you go, ma'am.
Thank you very much.
And this is what happens.
Oh my God that's horrifying.
Yeah.
And sometimes that happens.
And if it does they can stitch you up.
But then look at this.
What you get.
You get a beautiful big headed watermelon.
It's a watermelon.
It looks so busted, that baby, when it comes out.
And everyone's going to tell you it's cute.
And you're going to know it's not cute.
And that's fine.
And I said to people, don't lie to me.
I can see it.
As hard as it was, it's a very special experience.
And we get it.
Oh.
Then just to look in the person's eyeballs
for the first time and be like, oh there you are.
Like I've known you forever and you're a complete stranger
at the same time.
Like-- it's crazy.
It's a mind [BLEEP].
Yeah.
It's super weird.
It is.
It's like a Twilight Zone in a way.
'Cause you're like--
It's so weird.
It's the most beautiful thing on the planet
to hold that baby in your arms and look into its eyes
and know that it will one day grow up to resent you.
It's a very special.
Thank you.
Cheers.
To our non-alcoholic pregnancy water mother.
One day, you'll have a glass of wine again.