-So a lot of times the guests on our show are actors,
here to talk about a new TV show or movie they´re in.
But every actor, no matter how successful they are,
now, every one of them has had terrible auditions.
So we asked a few of our guests
to open up about the audition process.
Take a look.
-Auditions?
-Oh, auditions.
-I´ve got a few stories.
-Yeah, auditions.
They´re -- They´re great.
♫♫
-Well, for starters, bring the right script.
I´ve made that mistake.
-Oh, God, I used to get so nervous before auditions.
I felt like I was going to crap my pants.
Eventually I just started crapping my pants at home
so I didn´t have to worry about it at the auditions.
-I like to show up covered in dust
so that later when they´re looking at the tapes
they´ll remember I was the dusty guy.
[ Laughter ]
♫♫
-So, there´s an unspoken rule in auditions
that you´re not supposed to bring any props!
I didn´t get the memo.
I brought a handgun.
[ Laughter ]
-I brought a shoe box full of bees.
-I brought a full lasagna
and made them watch as I ate the whole thing.
Such a rookie move.
♫♫
-Okay. Well, one time I went to this casting call
and there were, like, a thousand people in the waiting area,
and they made everyone take a number.
But I asked this girl who was sitting next to me
what part she was auditioning for,
and she said, "Audition? I´m here for my learner´s permit."
And I was, like, "Oh. These people are in the wrong place."
[ Laughter ]
♫♫
-Sometimes at an audition
they´ll make you do a chemistry test,
where they have you read lines with another actor
to see if you´re, like, a believable couple.
-One time I had to do a chemistry test
with my real-life husband.
It didn´t go so good.
[ Laughter ]
They made us get divorced.
-I didn´t know what they meant by a chemistry test.
So I made a volcano.
It was baking soda everywhere.
I didn´t get that part.
But I did get a B-plus on the volcano.
[ Laughter ]
♫♫
It was a commercial for this pet shop that only had snakes.
I still remember the slogan.
Like a good neighbor, Snake Farm is there.
-Jesus jeans.
Blessed are the jeans for they shall inherit dat ass.
-It was a commercial for people named Maureen.
The few. The proud.
The Maureens.
♫♫
-Well, they asked me to say my name at the beginning
and I just, for some reason, panicked
and I told them my name was Oscar Beanbody.
[ Laughter ]
-I kept forgetting the lines
and then half way through the audition my cellphone rings.
-One time my cellphone went off in an audition,
and I got so nervous I ate it.
-[ Laughs ] Oh!
I´ve definitely eaten the cellphone.
-One time I ate the cellphone, and I still got the part.
So it just shows you,
you never know what they´re being looking for.
[ Cellphone buzzing ]
Oh. Sorry. I´ve got to take this.
Hello? Yes, this is Professor Beanbody.
♫♫
-At the end of an audition,
it´s really important to play it cool.
I remember after one audition
they flat-out offered me the part in the room.
I said no.
Never show them you´re too eager.