FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST IS THE STAR OF "SONIC THE
HEDGEHOG" AND SHOWTIME'S "KIDDING," AND NOW THE CO-AUTHOR
OF THE FORTHCOMING NOVEL, "MEMOIRS AND MISINFORMATION."
PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW" JIM CARREY!
( APPLAUSE )
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
>> Stephen: JIM CARREY, EVERYBODY!
THERE YOU GO!
>> OH, MY GOD!
>> Stephen: OH, MY GOODNESS.
>> WOW!
>> Stephen: OH, MY GOODNESS.
>> JON BATISTE AND THE STEPHEN COLBERT SECOND PUNCHLINE
DANCERS.
OH, WOW.
>> Stephen: WOW, IT'S SO LOVELY TO HAVE YOU HERE.
>> SO GOOD TO BE HERE FINALLY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OH, MY GOD.
SO WONDERFUL TO BE HERE.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
AND YOU'VE DONE SUCH AN INCREDIBLE JOB, AND YOUR HEART
AND YOUR HEAD ARE SO BEAUTIFULLY INVOLVED WITH ALL THAT'S GOING
ON.
AND I RESPECT IT, AND I APPRECIATE IT.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THAT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME TO
HEAR THAT FROM YOU.
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> YOU'VE BEEN WONDERFUL.
>> Stephen: THAT'S BEYOND ANYTHING WE REHEARSED.
>> NO, IT IS NOT.
IT IS KIND OF OUTSIDE.
BUT IT'S IMPORTANT TO ME THEY SAY THAT.
>> Stephen: WELL, HOW DO YOU FEEL-- WHEN YOU SEE THE WORLD
RIGHT NOW, DO YOU FEEL-- I FEEL DREAD SOMETIMES, AND THEN I COME
OUT HERE AND I FEEL BETTER WITH THESE PEOPLE TO SHARE.
>> I THINK, YOU KNOW, THIS IS THE THING THAT PROVIDES ITS
BALANCE, ISN'T IT, YOU KNOW?
>> Stephen: >> Stephen: BEING WITH THE
PEOPLE?
>> YEAH, EXACTLY.
IT GIVES US A BREAK FROM THE OBSTREPEROUS BLOVIATING BAG OF
FLATULENCE THAT IS TRYING TO TAKE THE SHINY CITY ON THE HILL
AND TURN IT INTO A DUTCH OVEN.
( LAUGHTER )
WE DON'T HAVE TO PULL THE COVERS OVER OUR HEAD AND BREATHE DEEPLY
THE AMBROSIA OF EVIL, YOU KNOW?
>> Stephen: I LIKE THAT.
>> I THINK WE CAN COME HERE AND HAVE A GOOD TIME, YOU KNOW
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> DID YOU EVER SEE-- DID YOU EVER SEE THE MASSES OF COMEDY
AND TRAGEDY.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
>> YOU'VE SEEN, THAT YEAH, YEAH.
IT'S MORE LIKE... LET'S DO IT TOGETHER.
WE'LL BE BOTH.
YOU DO THAT, I'LL DO THE OTHER.
( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: PUT THAT ON A T-SHIRT.
>> THAT'S NICE.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
>> THE REAL TRUTH OF IT IS BOTH THOSE MASKS ARE TRAGEDY.
>> Stephen: OH!
>> AND THIS ONE IS JUST IN TOTAL DENIAL.
( LAUGHTER )
YOU ABOUT SOMETHING IMPORTANT.
I DON'T WANT TO GET TOO DEEP HERE.
BUT "SONIC THE HEDGEHOG" MOVIE, OKAY--
>> THERE YOU GO.
>> Stephen: IS COMING OUT.
>> YES.
>> AND YOU'RE DR. ROBOTNIK.
>> LET'S PUT THINGS BACK IN PERSPECTIVE.
>> Stephen: KIND OF.
I'M ALL FOR "SONIC THE HEDGEHOG" MOVIES.
WE ACTUALLY HAVE SONIC UP IN THE DOME TONIGHT.
>> WOW!
>> Stephen: THERE'S SONIC.
>> OH.
THAT'S THE YIN.
BUTES YES THE YANG?
>> Stephen: JIM-- THERE YOU GO.
>> OH, THERE YOU GO.
( APPLAUSE )
THE DARKNESS!
DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
IT'S THE WHOLE MESSAGE TONIGHT!
( LAUGHTER )
DR. ROBOTNIK WHO HAS A 300 I.Q..
THAT>> THAT'S RIGHT.
I HAD TO DUMB IT DOWN A BIT.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
BUT HE'S A GREAT-- GREAT CHARACTER.
HE'S KIND OF LIKE NIRKS IKALOTESLA AFTER A RED BULL.
>> Stephen: BEAUTIFUL MUSTACHE.
>> THE MUSTACHE WAS A PROBLEM.
>> Stephen: DID YOU GROW THAT?
>> NO, THAT WAS FROM CENTRAL CASTING, THAT MUSTACHE.
NIGHTLY WHIPLASH.
>> Stephen: I WAS ABOUT TO SAY.
>> THAT MUSTACHE AND I HAD CONSTANTLY ARGUED, YOU KNOW,
THROUGH THE WHOLE PRODUCTION.
>> Stephen: IF YOU ACTED TOO HARD WOULD IT JUST COME ON?
>> EXACTLY.
IT WAS HALF OFF.
IT WOULD NEVER COME FULLY OFF.
IT WOULD COME HALF OFF AND TICKLE MY COSTAR.
I DON'T KNOW, VERY UNCOMFORTABLE.
>> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP HERE.
YOU CAN TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON IN THIS CLIP?
>> SURE.
FIRST OF ALL, IT'S NOT A CLIP.
IT'S DIGITAL IN HOLLYWOOD NOW.
THERE ARE NO CLIPS.
>> Stephen: YOU CAN-- CANNY TELL US WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN
IN THIS DIGITAL FILE WE'RE ABOUT TO LOAD UP?
>> EXACTLY.
IN THIS LINK, THE-- THE PURPOSE OF THIS LINK IS THAT ROBOTNIK
MEETS THE HIGHER UP OF THE MILITARY OPERATION, AND HE'S THE
SECRET MILITARY OPERATION.
HE WANTS TO SHOW THEM WHERE THE REAL POWER IS.
>> Stephen: OKAY.
>> NOW THAT IS AN EXCELLENT SETUP!
>> Stephen: YOU'RE A PRO.
NO ONE'S SAYING YOU'RE NOT A PRO.
>> OKAY, OKAY.
>> Stephen: JIM, LET'S GO TO THE CLOUD.
>> ARE YOU IN CHARGE HERE?
>> YES I AM.
NO!
WRONG!
I'M IN CHARGE-- >> MAJOR--
>> I'M IN CHARGE!
YOU NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE.
THIS IS A TOP BANANA IN A WORLD FULL OF HUNGRY LITTLE MONKEYS.
ALLOW ME TO CLARIFY.
IN A SEQUENTIALLY RANKED HIERARCHY, THE DISPARITY BETWEEN
US IS TOO FAST TO QUANTIFY.
>> THE DOCTOR THINKS YOU'RE BASIC.
>> I'M INITIATING A SWEEP SEQUENCE.
10 MILES IN EVERY DIRECTION SHOULD SUFFICE.
IS HE STILL LOOKING AT ME FUNNY?
>> YES, HE IS.
>> TELL HIM TO STOP OR I'LL PULL UP HIS SEARCH HISTORY.
>> Stephen: NICE.
I KNOW I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ON HIS SIDE BUT I'M KIND OF PULLING
FOR ROBOTNIK HERE.
WE HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK BECAUSE IT'S TV.
>> DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO.
>> Stephen: WE'LL BE BACK WITH MORE JIM CARREY.
>> SELL SOME BAD STUFF.