I'm gonna tell you how to do it in this video,
so stay tuned.
Hey, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I'm an attorney and a narcissist negotiation expert and
on this channel, and in these videos,
I give you tips, tricks, resources and secrets
on how to powerfully negotiate with narcissists and
if that is something that you want to be able to do,
I invite you to subscribe to this channel and
hit that notification bell.
So alright, let's talk about how to flip the script on narcissists.
They're always trying to gaslight you,
how do you gaslight them?
All right. So first of all, what is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a term that psychologists use,
it is a specific type of manipulation,
where the manipulator is trying to get someone to think,
or maybe it's even a group of people,
to think that they're crazy, basically,
they're trying to get them to question their own reality,
question their own mind,
their own memory, their own perception.
I have been the recipient of this, I've dealt with them,
I’ve been the victim of covert narcissists myself,
not as a husband, fortunately, thank God,
but business relationships and
I had a family member and it's awful,
it is a really, really horrible, horrific,
horrible traumatic experience, it is terrible.
It comes from the new movie “Gaslight”,
I think it was also a play, where in that particular movie,
the husband was trying to make
the wife think that she was crazy and
it was blowing out the gaslights and
she was like, “Oh, wasn't that just lit?” and
he would say “No, it wasn't” and that's where it comes from.
If you want to know more about
“8 Key narcissistic gaslighting phrases that narcissists use”,
you can definitely check out my video on that topic,
so what I'm going to do here though,
give you some ways to not technically have you
make narcissists think that they are crazy
or actually manipulate them in such a way,
where you're having them question their own mind or whatever,
but I call it, ethically manipulating the manipulator,
where you're kind of stopping them in their tracks,
where you are shutting them down,
it's a way for you to protect yourself, create your own boundaries and
it helps you in the negotiation process for sure and
if you are so ready to shut them down,
Alright, so one of the things that you're going to do,
this is especially really effective when you start to see them
getting emotional and you will see this happening,
especially when negotiation starts to get on their way and
when the relationship starts to break down
whether it's a business relationship
or a personal relationship and
you are starting to go into that discard phase,
that last kind of phase of a narcissistic relationship.
That's when it starts to be war,
that's when you're either for them, or against them.
With narcissists, it's always a black and white
kind of a situation and if you're against them,
then you become public enemy number one, for sure.
So, they will start to get very, very emotional,
a lot of times that narcissistic injury gets triggered,
that narcissistc rage comes flying out and
they can get very emotional.
Sometimes they get emotional because
they're also trying to trigger you, by the way,
they do it purposely just to get a rise out of you,
because they want to trigger you.
So, sometimes they will say things because
they know that there are certain areas that they can push on,
for example, like if you've always tried to be a really good parent,
a really good mom, or really good dad,
they'll say, “Oh, you're a really neglectful parent”
or if they know that you've done a good job in business, and
being meticulous with money is really important,
they'll say, “Oh, you're a spendthrift”
or “you're terrible with money”,
they'll say things that they know are not true
so that you'll go, “Oh, how can you say this”
so be very careful about taking that kind of bait, by the way,
one of the things you can do when you see them
getting emotional or you find yourself getting emotional,
as you can respond with things like,
So you didn't disagree with them,
you just say I understand that that’s how you're seeing it.
So, that is just an observation that you're making.
So, that's one of the ways.
They are great at that.
A lot of times, some people don't want
to give narcissists more rope,
don't let them get away with anything,
don't give them more.
But if you give them more rope,
most of the time, they will hang themselves.
So, let them keep talking, give them more rope,
say things to them, like “Tell me more about that”,
“Why are you thinking that?” it will fluster them and
they will start to realize sometimes how they are talking in circles and
how maybe what they're saying doesn't necessarily make sense,
what they are saying is kind of maybe not necessarily
not in their best interest and
so it can sometimes be a good thing and
especially if you can get them to do it in writing,
even better because all writing becomes potential trial exhibit.
Good advice for you to remember.
So that's the second thing, and the next one,
this is the last one, is actually my favorite one
because it is a great way to twist things around and
this is always ethically manipulating the manipulator.
They are very good at manipulating.
So if they say things like,
“You are horrible with money” or whatever,
you can say something like,
“I agree with you that that’s your opinion”
“I agree with you that we are not going
to come to a conclusion on this today”
“I agree with you that we are probably never
going to see eye-to-eye on this”, something like that
so that you're not agreeing on anything here,
you're just saying I agree with you and
then the rest of your statement is not agreeing
to anything that they're saying
but, the beginning of what you're saying is
I agree with you, that really kind of confuses them
because you're saying I agree with you,
but then the rest of what you're saying
is actually not saying you agree with anything.
It can be very confusing for them
because they heard something,
but then what is it you actually said,
so, it is a really great way of gaslighting the narcissist.
Gaslighting the gaslighter.
So anyway, if you are dealing with this,
I would love to know what other ones
that you might have used and
drop me that comment below.
If you like this video, give it a like, give it a share,
drop me that comment and make sure
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If you would like a copy of my free
“Crush my negotiation” prep worksheet,
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my free private Facebook group
at “Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung”.
You’re always welcome in there as well.
As always, today is a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I will see you in the next video.