Ben, outside. Mr. Pearson was walking around handing out our test papers to us
You haven't taken the test yet, and it's time for other students to grade theirs
So I don't want you seeing the answer go on now scoop
Ben walked outside but was playing with Mr. Pearson by pretending to be looking at the papers. He's such a joker everyone laughed
It's finally Friday and like everyone else, I was so excited for the weekend and just couldn't wait to be home
I only had two periods left until I could leave I looked over at my crush and blushed.
I practiced in my head what I would say to him to build up the courage to tell him I would say:
"Hey Ethan, I just wanted to tell you how funny it was when you beat that joke in math class..
..and I wanted to ask you if you maybe wanna oh, hey what's Ben doing in here? Geez?
He looks like he's seen a ghost
then he said
I,....I....
heard shots
My heart stopped
I honestly didn't know how to feel then the fire alarm went off. So many things were popping up in my head
Was it a joke what is happening? I know people pop chip bags and that sounds like a gunshot so maybe
My other friends, okay. Is this a fire? What do we do? What do I do?
My teacher instructed us to sit on the floor in the back of the classroom while he locked the door and shut the blinds
I was terrified and was too scared to move a muscle
The fire alarm turned off and over the class Speaker we were told it was a lockdown and not a fire drill I
Remember thinking I want my mom. I want my mom. I want my mom. I
Realized I didn't have my phone on me and then I put it in my bag at the start of class. I
Sat basically in the front I noticed my other friends sitting next to me texting her family. So I quietly begged her
Hey Samantha. Can I please please borrow your phone so I can text my mom, please?
She nodded and handed me the phone
Mom, it's Sophie. I'm texting you from my friend's phone because mine is in my backpack
My mom wrote back. What is happening? Are you safe? I'm safe. I'm in my classroom. Someone heard gunshots
I don't know what is happening
She then proceeded to tell me what was being said on the news the police
Firemen and EMTs were all over campus and we're in lockdown
Then I told her I have to hand the phone back to my friend now, but I'll text you when I have my phone
I love you. Mom. She wrote me. I love you too, Sophie
What seemed like an eternity later
Someone was pounding on the door and I immediately thought this is it. This is where I'm going to die
The shooter is going to bust in and kill us I could since we all went wide-eyed and all thought the same thing
thankfully it was just the police and my teacher let them in but they started pointing their huge guns at us and
Demanded us to put our hands in the air. I became terrified again. What are they doing? We aren't the bad guys
Why are they pointing their guns at us? I?
Didn't understand until a few years later that they do that because they don't know who's a threat and who isn't
the police said they were getting us all out and when they do we have to keep low move quickly and
Don't turn back. If you drop something, we all grab personal things like my phone and in a single-file line
We all ran out the door towards the neighborhood near the school once we got to the neighborhood
I sat down on the sidewalk and instantly felt numb
My mind was blank. My hands were shaking
We were waiting for buses to arrive to take us to the church just down the street
I don't remember how long we were there, but finally the buses came and it was crowded
we got off at the church and headed inside then we were told what had happened
a student had brought a gun into the campus and shot other students and then himself in the cafeteria.
I couldn't believe what I had just heard
How could this happen? I always saw stuff like this on the news and never would have expected it to happen to me
A teacher gave us the address of the church so we could give it to our parents to be picked up
But told us we had to wait before anyone could leave even if our parents were out there waiting
Shaking, I texted my mom the address and she was on her way
We all just kind of sat there in fear and cried
Quietly muttering to each other. I saw teachers and fellow students help those who are having panic attacks
Finally, we were allowed to leave the church
And once I stepped outside, we were bombarded with reporters trying to ask us questions just so they could have their story
It made me mad
But at that point all I could think about was how I needed to find my mom
As I was looking around, we spotted each other and then we both ran to one another and we hugged so tightly
Suddenly I felt safe and wasn't terrified and then I started bawling non-stop
I thought I would never see her again. I thought I would never see my family again
I was relieved to finally go home and be done with this nightmare my mother and I walked to the car and drove home
When I stepped into the house I was hugged by my family and we all started crying
Again, I felt safe and wasn't feeling scared anymore
I was just grateful to come home safely as the week passed news came out about those who had been injured
Five including the shooter either died at school or in the hospital
One other thankfully wasn't shot fatally but was still in extreme pain
It's been four and a half years and I still can't believe this happened
I was 15 when it happened and I'm 20 years old now
Even though many people expect you to be fully healed and better the truth is I'm still dealing with what happened
I'm still suffering from the depression and PTSD from the trauma
I went through I'm still in the process of healing and even though it's been a long process
That's okay what I want most for me and all of us who've been through this is not to be forgotten
We forget that these people are still
Hurting and grieving all of us still need the support that we were given the day the shooting happened. I
Just want to raise more awareness
For what happens after a school shooting because it is not as simple as shooting happened
We're sad time passes. We're okay now
It doesn't work like that and more people must remember this if you just reach out to schools and let them know
Hey, we love and support you. It makes a huge difference
You can even change the lives of thousands with a single tweet about it a share on Facebook
or the creation of a YouTube video
because you are letting them know you have not forgotten them and that you still care and that's all we
survivors want