"I caught my husband looking at pornography and masturbating.
Is that grounds for divorce?"
Hi, welcome to today's Little Lesson.
And today we're gonna address a question that was sent to us by one of our beloved viewers,
regarding the catching of a husband in the act of not only looking at pornography but
masturbating at the same time.
And this person wants to know is that grounds for divorce.
Now, why does she ask is that grounds for divorce?
Because, although she didn't quote this, it's obviously alluded to in her question, that
Jesus said, "Whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery in
his heart."
So, taking that verse in mind, I'm gonna give you my best advice in this regard.
Of course, I have to say I would first of all say that although Jesus said, "Whoever
looks at a woman to lust for her, he has already committed adultery in his heart," it's not
identically the same as adultery, of which, of course, adultery is grounds, Biblical grounds
for divorce.
And I would add to that unrepentant adultery, because didn't Jesus also teach, "If your
brother sins against you, go to him privately, and if he repents you've won your brother,
and you should forgive him."
So, if it's unrepentant adultery, that's, I would say, certain grounds for divorce.
But adultery that's repented of, well, then that's really not grounds for divorce 'cause
you've forgiven him.
You're giving him or her, whoever is the offender, another chance.
And you have to keep giving them those chances, even if they mess up again, as long as they
humbly come to you.
If your brother comes to you seven times, seventy times in one day, asking for forgiveness,
you have to forgive.
Now, of course many other questions could be raised by this of course.
A person who is an habitual adulterer is not a Christian, according to the word of God.
"No adulterer will inherit eternal life or the Kingdom of God," according to the Apostle
Paul in 1 Corinthians Chapter Six.
And so if you're married to someone who's professing to be a Christian and they are
habitually involved in adultery, then it's good reason to question if that person has
been born again.
They really haven't.
All right?
All right.
But let's just say that your spouse is guilty of lusting after somebody else, to whom they're
not married.
Is that grounds for divorce?
Well, I certainly don't think so.
It's an offense, it's a sin, and it needs to be repented of and the person needs to
strive of course to steer clear of that sin in the future.
But even though Jesus said, "Whoever looks at a woman has already committed adultery
in his heart," that should not be interpreted that lust is just as bad as committing adultery,
or that thinking about adultery is just as bad as adultery.
It's bad, it's wrong, but it's not just as bad.
And common sense tells you that.
It'd be like saying thinking about stealing is just as evil as actually stealing, or thinking
about lying is just as bad as lying.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
So, I do not think that this sister in Christ who caught her husband looking at pornography
... It's wrong.
Masturbating on top of that more wrong, because there's no doubt this is heavy-duty lust going
on here.
That's not grounds for divorce.
It's grounds for confrontation.
It's grounds for not ... Well, it's gonna put a breach in the relationship, obviously,
until it's confessed and repented of.
If your husband just shrugs it off and says, "Well, that's how men are," well ... Big mistake.
Big mistake, 'cause you're justifying your sin.
What would you think, dear husband, if you caught your wife looking at pornography and
masturbating?
Wouldn't that be a little offensive to you?
Yeah, 'cause she's got another lover, imaginary lover in her mind, and maybe on a page.
So, do unto others as you'd have them do unto you.
It's very simple to know that that's wrong.
So, unrepentant viewing of pornography and masturbation, I would say is definitely, that
puts a breach in your relationship.
It doesn't give you immediate grounds for divorce.
It gives you ground for confrontation and hopefully he's gonna confess and ask for forgiveness.
If he doesn't, then do what Jesus said, take another one with you, one or two with you,
and confront him.
Maybe call your pastor and say, "I caught my husband doing this, he's unrepentant, he
says he's gonna keep on doing it."
Then you could go through the steps of church discipline that Jesus outlined in Matthew
Chapter 18.
And ultimately, of course, the last step if he's unrepentant is he's kicked out of the
church, he's no longer in fellowship.
So, I would say that probably at that point of time you've got legitimate grounds for
divorce, if you've gone through all those steps and he doesn't repent.
'Cause God does expect us to be merciful, 'cause we all need a lot of mercy too, right?
Right.
So, don't forget all the mercy that you got.
One other little caveat that I would add here, and I would ask ... I don't know this person
who wrote this question, I don't know their circumstances and so forth.
But it would be appropriate to ask if, "Perhaps I bear any guilt myself in all of this."
And what I mean by that is that scripture says, "Stop depriving one another."
So, if a wife is depriving her husband of sex for whatever reason, she's sinning against
him and so she's part of the problem.
I'm not justifying what he did, but if they both stood before God, God wouldn't just be
pointing his finger at husband, he'd also be pointing his finger at wife who is sinning,
and her sin is adding to the temptation that he's yielding to.
So, she, in a sense, is causing him to stumble, or at least helping him to stumble in that
regard.
And added to that, I would say ... Don't get mad at me, don't get mad at me for
saying this because it's pretty universal, in the male world anyways, that wives who
are not loving their husbands enough to take care of themselves, so they let their attractiveness,
their original attractiveness go to the dogs, as it were, you know, "I'm not taking care
of myself 'cause I got him now and so it doesn't make a difference how I look," or etc. etc.
Well, how did you look to reel him in?
Well, come on, wake up.
He's not expecting you not to get older, but he is expecting you to love him enough to
think about him in that regard.
'Cause he's facing a non-stop temptation in our culture and in our environment.
And again, please don't write to me or don't put a comment here and say, "You're a typical
male."
Well, I guess I am a typical male.
But don't put there, "Well, you know, he has no excuse."
Okay, but you may wanna think if you bear any responsibility in what he's done that
is obviously so offensive and wrong.
Okay?
Maybe you could help.
All right, thanks for writing that question I guess, and probably gonna get in a lot of
trouble but that's how I see it.
And I love you, and it's not gonna stop my love for you if you don't agree with him 'cause
I'll love you anyways.
All right, God bless you.
Hope to see you next time.