Hey, there it's clay with modern love.life. And in this video, we're going to be discussing
what actually it takes to melt your ex's heart. I know that people are wanting
to save their relationships and it can often seem like a very difficult struggle to do so,
you know, you're trying to connect, you're trying to make things right. You're trying to
communicate exactly how you feel and how genuine you are in wanting to make things work with your
ex. But for whatever reason, they just seem to be a closed book to that idea. And they are just not
open or interested in working things out with you, even though they might have prior to the breakup.
So what exactly does it take to actually melt your ex's heart? Now, this is where we're going to
get into the topic of emotional connection, because if you've watched previous videos that
I've put out, you probably have heard me say at some point or other that the emotional connection
between you and your ex or you and any other potential partner is really the most important
thing that you should be focusing on. Okay. Especially when it comes to saving a
relationship, you know, when it comes to saving a relationship, you already know that the attraction
pieces there, you already know most likely on some level that you have a similar or compatible
views and values of the world. And so really all that's really missing is the emotional connection
element. And so what it takes to actually melt your ex heart and to connect with them on an
emotional level is to allow them to be seen and heard and understood. And if you can do this,
then you are going to open a doorway of connection between you and another person. Now, this is where
a lot of times people will say like, okay, well, what do I do to actually connect with my ex what
magic words can I say? And if you have watched a few of my videos, you may have noticed that I'm
not really an advocate of memorized scripts or fill in the blank templates or turn your brain
off and let clay do the thinking for you kind of advice, because that doesn't really work so well
because at the end of the day, you know, you have to be the person in your relationship.
I can't be the person that's in your relationship for you. Okay. So what does it actually take to
connect though? Let's get into this because this is something that we actually can
talk about. Of course it is possible to connect on a trivial surface level sorts of things like,
you know, your favorite sports team, that one movie that you both like, some video game,
some thing that's happening in the news or something like that, you could do this.
Of course you could do this. However, um, that doesn't always work. You know what happens if
you're into sports and they're not, or they're under sports and you're not what happens if
you both like different movies, what happens if you're both from different places in the world,
what happens if you both went to different colleges? What happens if you both work in
different careers or different occupations and you can't really connect on these surface things?
What we want to do is we want to recognize and acknowledge that even though all of us
have different external circumstances, um, in our lives, when we boil it all down to common
denominators, what we can say is that we all have pretty much felt the full spectrum of emotions in
some capacity or other. That it's just say, we've all felt heartbreak. We've all felt sadness. We've
all felt happiness. We've all felt frustrated or angry or despair or excitement or hope or,
or anything else in between. And because we have these things, social experiences in common,
they actually serve as a good opportunity to connect on the table, emotional level. So what we
can do is we can start a conversation most likely about something that's kind of surface level.
Typically this is how most conversations started. I mean, it's, we, we can talk about whether that's
right or wrong or whatever some other time, but it's, it's generally how people do things.
You know, they talk about the weather, they talk about, you know what you're doing this weekend.
They talk about what you did last week and they talk about that sort of that's it's, it's,
it's normal. Okay. Um, and you can go ahead and just start a conversation in that vein, but what
we want to do is we want to quickly, um, get your ex or your partner to invest in the conversation,
invest in it. So they're not just sort of speaking to you at a distance saying something like,
Oh yeah, my weekend was good and I didn't really do anything that much. It was kind of boring. Um,
no, it's good. Thanks for asking, like, obviously if we continue in that vein of conversation,
things aren't going to go anywhere very quickly because there isn't a lot of investment
on their part that is to say they don't feel safe, opening up into the conversation.
So typically what we would advise a client to do is to start to interact with your ex as
if, uh, the same question had been asked to you. So what did you do this weekend? Oh,
not much. Okay. Well now is your chance to open up a little bit more and share what you did this
weekend. This is where you can talk a little bit more demonstrating to them through vulnerability,
positive vulnerability that you are invested in the conversation. You are willing to have
a meaningful conversation with them and you're willing to take it wherever it goes. Because the
last thing that someone wants to do is to open up and share themselves to someone else only to
find out like, Whoa, Hey, Hey, cool. Off here. I just wanted you to say, I'm fine. Thanks. So
we could move on and, you know, tick the box. What happens when you answer the question as if it
had been asked to you, is that you actually give them permission to invest more in the conversation
and open up more themselves. Now, as they do this, as they start to open up in the conversation,
what we want to do is we want to be listening for the emotional tone about what they are describing,
what it is they're explaining what it is that they are talking about in whatever it is that
they're sharing. There's a lot of different things that people could share in a conversation, but
you have to start to read between the lines, uh, start by developing that empathy muscle and start
by reading between the lines to determine what that person is experiencing, what emotion they're
feeling. Okay. And then what we want to do is we want to connect with them at that emotional point,
connect with them at that emotional point and demonstrate to them that, Hey, it sounds
like you feel really frustrated right now. You know, uh, that reminds me of a time when I
felt a similar way when this was happening or whatever. And you know, of course the
circumstances of your emotional experience can be totally different. The most important thing
is that it has the same, um, emotional value under, underneath it all like frustration, hope,
excitement, nervousness, dreaming about something, hoping for something, all that sort of stuff,
right? By the way, if you're liking these videos, please make sure you hit that thumbs up button
for the YouTube algorithm. It does help us out. It does tell YouTube that these are
not, not so bad videos that they might want to show to more people. Okay. Also,
if you want some additional tips, please make sure you sign up for our email newsletter over at
modern love.life/newsletter. Again, you can find that over at modern love.life/newsletter,
there's a link for it down in the description box as well.
Um, when you're on the email newsletter, we'll send you a nice little report that goes through
a lot of common misconceptions and mistakes that people make when it comes to saving their
relationship. And we'll kind of tell you what has worked best for our clients. I hope you're not
making any of these mistakes because they really could be setting you back. And additionally,
on the newsletter, we will be sending you tips, advice, and strategies to help you connect better
with your ex bond more and get closer with them, et cetera. Okay. So what we want to do,
getting back to this whole idea of melting your ex's heart and connecting with them is we want to
connect with them on this emotional level. We want to share some sort of shared emotional experience.
And the more that we do this, the stronger we're going to get an emotional bond is stronger.
We're going to build an emotional connection between the two of you. And this is actually very
important because it is going to help them to feel seen and understood to the point where they think
that you get them more than anyone else. They feel a connection to you more than anyone else.
And this is going to help you to stand head and shoulders above any maybe potential rebound
relationship or anyone else who might be vying for their interest or anything like that. Because most
people don't know how to connect emotionally. They rely on things like sports or video games
or TV shows or things like that. Um, or just, you know, raw, you know, attraction to, to connect.
But because you have the attraction in place, because you probably have some degree of external
things in place as well to otherwise, we never would have been together in the first place.
And then you bring into this mix, the emotional connection that we're talking about in this video,
plus hopefully you're also demonstrating to them that they're not walking back into the
same relationship that they walked out of in the first place. This is going to make you
incredibly attractive to them, to the point where, you know, you're going to be able to actually,
uh, create an opportunity for a new relationship together.
But you do have to form this emotional connection. It is going to help you to,
you know, melt their heart, as they say, and it will allow the two of you to deepen your
emotional connection and start to build up a stronger sense of rapport with one another.
So I hope this has helped you out once again, if you did find this video helpful, please hit that
thumbs up button for the YouTube algorithm and subscribe to this channel as well too. Once again,
my name is clay. Thank you so much. Please take care and I'll talk to you next time.