WHY DOES THIS PICTURE HAVE TO BE BLURRED WHEN I CAN
SHOW THIS PIK I POSTED ON INSTAGRAM FULL NIPPLE.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT WAS HAPPENING HERE.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
IT WAS A PHASE.
ALL RIGHT.
I WENT THROUGH WHAT I CALLED THE MELLON BALLING PHASE,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
BUT IT RAISES A QUESTION OF WHY IS THE NIPPLE THE LINE
OF DEMARCATION FOR A WOMAN TO PUT A PICTURE ONLINE
IS IT BECAUSE IT'S THE MOST FUNCTIONAL PART?
IS THIS WHY, IS THIS WHY IT'S OKAY TO SHOW MEN'S
NIPPLES BECAUSE THEY SERVE NO PURPOSE?
MAYBE THIS IS WHY CARS HAVE ENGINES UNDER HOODS.
I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT IT SEAMS LIKE AMERICANS ARE
AFRAID OF FUNCTIONALITY.
SO WHILE WE'S AT IT LET'S BLUR OUT EYE, NOSE, MOUTH,
ANYTHING THAT'S FUNCTIONAL.
BY THE WAY, I WANT TO SAY NIPPLES ARE NOT THE
ENEMY IN THE WORLD, PEOPLE!
THEY'RE JUST NOT!
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
ALL RIGHT.
ISIS IS THE ENEMY.
THEY'RE USING CHILDREN TO [BLEEP] MURDER PEOPLE.
THEY'RE A MUCH BIGGER THINGS GOING ON IN THE REST OF THE
WORLD.
BY THE WAY, WE'RE A JOKE TO, BECAUSE WE SPEND VALUABLE LEGAL
PROCESS AND MENTAL ENERGY TRYING TO PUT HUMAN PUPILLA IN
WITNESS PROTECTION.
SO GUESS WHAT.
WE'RE TO THE GOING TO FORGET ABOUT TITS.
I STILL NOTICE THEM.
PEOPLE STILL NOTICE THEM.
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THEM.
(APPLAUSE)
SHOWING TITS IS NOT PORNOGRAPHIC.
SHOWING SOMETHING JIZZING ON TO YOUR TITS IS PORNOGRAPHIC.
AND BY THE WAY, ARE WE-- WOMEN WANT TO PUT THEIR
BOOB'S ON THE INTERNET AND WE'RE FIGHTING THAT?
WT-[BLEEP], THIS IS A GOLDEN AGE!
DO YOU KNOW-- LISTEN.
WHEN I WAS A KID IF YOU WANTED TO SEE TITS ON THE INTERNET,
YOU HAD TO MAKE THEM OUT OF COMMAS. LIKE, THERE WAS NO WAY
TO DO IT OTHERWISE.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL MY KIDS IF THEY SEE MILEY'S
BOOBIES.
WELL HERE'S WHAT:
FIRST OFF, STOP USING YOUR MOUTH TO BREATHE THROUGH AND
SHOVE HOT WINGS IN, AND USE IT TO HAVE A DISCUSSION ABOUT
HEALTHY SEXUALITY WITH THEM.
HEY, KIDS, MOMMIES HAVE MAMMARY GLANDS THAT ARE DIFFERENT FROM
DADDIES. THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL AND A PART OF NATURE AND
UNLIKE DADDIES SAND DOLLAR-Y SCAREOLAS, THEY ACTUALLY SERVE A
PURPOSE THAT HELPS FOSTER LIFE.
THEN YOU TELL YOUR KIDS YOU LOVE THEM, TUCK THEM IN BED
AND YOU GROW THE [BLEEP] UP AND TRY TO ESTABLISH
SIGNIFICANCE SOME OTHER WAY THAN STIRRING UP POINTLESS
BULL [BLEEP].
I AM SO MAD. THIS IS SO STUPID
I'M SO MAD!
THIS IS SO STUPID.
ALSO, I HAVE BEEN TALKING WAY TOO LONG.
BUT I ALSO FEEL SORRY FOR YOU BECAUSE SOME ASSHOLE
HADN'T MADE YOU ASHAMED OF YOUR BODY YOU WOULDN'T TEACH
YOUR CHILDREN THEY SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF THEIRS.
SO, NOW I WANT TO PROTEST, ALL RIGHT.
SO COMEDIANS WHAT ARE SOME THINGS THAT WE CAN DO TO
PROTEST NIPPLE CENSORSHIP.
ROB RIGGLE, GO.
>> A MILLION NIPPLE MARCH.
>> CHRIS: YEAH.
PERFECT.
>> PREFERABLY IN FEBRUARY.
>> CHRIS: YEAH, FEBRUARY.
TO REALLY MAKE IT STAND OUT.
NICK SWARDSON.
>> I'M HUNG LIKE A NIPPLE SO BLUR MY DICK PICS.
>> CHRIS: OKAY.
I THINK THEY WERE ALREADY DOING THAT.
>> I LIKE THAT.
>> CHRIS: ARI SHAFFIR.
>> FIRST OF ALL, CAI STOP AND SAY THAT THAT WAS AN AWESOME
RANT FOR BOOB'S.
>> CHRIS: OH, THANKS. NO, CONTINUE.
>> I'VE GOT ONE THAT'S LIKE MOVEMBER, BUT IT'S FEBRUARYOLA.
>> CHRIS: YEAH, OKAY. PERFECT. AND RIGHT NOW IT'S TIME TO