What if the guys that you're seeing find out you're following Mark's dating advice and
why do men suddenly disappear after seeming so connected. What's up? Welcome to Ask Mark
for another week. This is the Q and A show that I do every single week and it's great
to have you on here. Basically, I picked the best questions each and every week from you
that you leave on my videos and I answer all the comments myself, but I do pick some of
the best ones and I put them on Ask Mark each and every week and today, we have got some
[inaudible]. So let's get straight into them. Make sure you subscribe by the way, hit the
bell, subscribe. We're going to see each other more. Bella, Bella says this, this was just
lovely. I had to include this because I just thought it was so lovely. Your help has really
paid off Mark. Been on two more dates and last couple of days. Last night in particular
went so well and both guys want to see me again. How freaking awesome is that! First
guy, so I was not attracted to but he was nice, so we had a good chat, but it's still
nice that he wants to see me again. And this is what happens when you start doing this
more and more, you just come from such a place of abundance and you're just meeting more
and more men who are going, this girl is amazing. Oh I must be doing it right. I reckon you
might be, Belle. The first guy I saw last night, I was instantly very attracted to,
but as we discussed, I'm sticking to the early days rule and multiple dating so as to not
risk getting too invested in one guy too soon before properly wanting to see if he qualifies
as boyfriend material.
I love you, Bella. You are amazing. So I also have two more dates lined up this week. Awesome.
With another two guys. It all started from the specifics as you advised, as the guys
had been very fascinated wanting to find out more. This is amazing. My question is, if
a guy were to find out, I've been following this sort of dating advice, how would that
make him feel? LOL. Bella, who cares? Who cares? You are killing it right here. It doesn't
matter what he thinks of your life. It doesn't, you're not doing this for him or for any of
them. You're doing it for you to empower yourself. Let me tell you something. I had a call from
a client yesterday and I thought she'd been with me way longer than what she actually
had. She's only been working with me four, five months and she said to me, Holy wow. When
I look at where I was back then and I look at where I am now, I'm in so much abundance.
I'm meeting these guys I like all day. I've gone from socially shy socially, not putting
myself out there to getting excited to meet guys in public and make eye contact and meet
them everywhere. I've had to stop her. I've had to actually stop her matching guys because
she's, she's having too much success and needs to narrow down on the ones that she's seeing
and she's coming from such a place of valuing her exclusivity. She called me and she said,
what you said is so right about exclusivity. It's the, is the thing I have to value most.
One of the first things he said to me, Mark, she said was, if you want the best relationship
you can possibly have, stay single. And she said, I didn't get it at the time, but I get
it now because now, I've met this guy that I really quite like and I'm in two minds because
I go, I've only been on a couple of dates with him and I'm enjoying where it's going.
But I also look at the tremendous growth I've had over the last four or five months and
I realized once I give that away, my exclusivity, I can't do that as much. I lose some of this
massive exponential growth potential that I've got. And so I was so inspired by that
call and by this message because it's women, really valuing that thing that matters most
is is your exclusivity and your commitment. Because as long as you're single, you have
that chance to grow and Bella, you're feeling that right now. But once you commit, that's
like, that's serious, right? It's like I'm not going to say anyone else. I'm not going
to go out and practice flirting skills and social skills and meeting different guys and
enjoying myself anymore. That's, that's serious business. And it's funny how many women come
to me and going, when is the, when is the best time to have sex?
And they think so much about that. And then forget the thing that actually matters, which is
valuing your commitment and your exclusivity. So I got that call from my client yesterday
and was amazing and Bella your comment and you're, you're not even a client. And your
comment rang true to that and inspired me so much. So I had to put it on here. And again,
to answer your question from, from my client and from you, who cares what the guys think?
Who cares? You are doing this for you. If the guys are insecure about it, then they
probably would have been insecure in relationships and insecure with you talking to other men
and, and completely and blow themselves out anyway. So you're best off not being with
them, but you wouldn't have known that if you went dating in this way. Ah, now we all
going to have a video coming out in the next few days and when the next couple of weeks
at the latest on discussing with men in an open non-manipulative totally above board
way that you not exclusive yet.
So you obviously make sure you're not leading anyone on with this multi dating gets that
playery reputation because it's what players do, male players, but it doesn't have to be
that way. And we're gonna, I'm gonna show you in that video in a few days, a couple
of weeks, possibly exactly how to do that completely above board, communicated in a
healthy way so that you can get all the benefits of this, all the benefits of seeing people,
the benefits of abundance, of not being exclusive, uh, without any guilty feelings at all. Because
you should not feel guilty about this. You should be proud of yourself, Bella, for working
on yourself and kicking serious button. So congrats. And the last question is from Christina,
Christina and Christina says, hi, Mark. Can I ask you one question? This is a good one.
I always have the issue with men that they have fully committed to me at the beginning
and then fall off and then all of the, then all of a sudden they disappear. Can you advise
me what I should do? I think I'm really good girl material even though I'm crazy, and I'm
also a wanderlust. What's a wanderlust? It sounds like a fairy. You kind of look like
your fairy in that photo. Christina is like you're shimmering light. Wow. Anyway. Why
do men disappear in this situation? Okay, Christina, this is quite a vague question.
You haven't given me any details to work with here. So Christina, for you and for you, I
want to discuss some general topic, general uhm concepts as to why men disappear. Here's
the thing. If men are chasing at the start, they like what they see. They're non physically
attracted to you, so they're not just attracted on a physical basis, they're, they're nonphysically
attracted. They want you to be part of their life. And then there's a shift.
The man loses interest and eventually he disappears. So why does that happen? Now, Denise, Denise
asked a very similar question on the video. She says, should the woman always stay a step
behind so that the guy should keep chasing? That was a really interesting question. There's
a change going on. There's a change going on in you. At one point the guy wants, the
guy is keen and wants to get involved and then and then suddenly he doesn't. So what
happens? Relationships and dating are all about investment for investment, not investing
for not investing. So Christina, it sounds like what's happening for you is that you've
got a nice balance and if anything, you're staying a bit behind the guy and the guy's
wanting to chase and chase and then it's like the pendulum swings and you suddenly go woosh
and you go, I'm falling in love with you. I'm totally sold on you. I'm massively invested
in you. And then the guy goes, well, that's meh and then and then goes away.
You see there's this thing that this is what happens if you play hard to get or hold back
is you try and stay behind the guy so he chases, but eventually that facade falls apart. You
can't keep doing that unless you want to pretend for your whole life that you're slightly less
into it than he is. Good dating and relationships will always be mutual. There'll be chasers
and chasee and there will always be a 50-50 balance between healthy partners. That's not
to say that man might not do more of the asking out or more of the initiating sex or whatever,
but you reciprocate that with your interest. You're not holding back, you're not playing
hard to get. If you do, you're trying to stay a step behind and get into chasing and the
problem is what will happen is exactly what Christina mentions here is eventually that
facade falls and you go way over and more sold on him and he's like, well, now things
are out of balance.
See, in good dating and relationships, partners are always responding to each other. They're
always responding to the each other's interest in reciprocating and there's these micro movements
that occur naturally that you can't really think about or they get too gamey but these
micro movements of interest where someone shows interest and someone shows interest
back and then someone else shows the other person shows interest and then that person
shows interest back. And then if someone shows disinterests like is a bit rude, there's like
a subtle disinterest back. It's not something you think about, but it's something that comes
across when you're building your self esteem and when you're healthy, when you're like
have a healthy balance with it. I mean, let's say for example you are dating someone and
things were going really well and then he didn't reply like he's replying all the time
and then say he didn't reply for a day.
You're probably not going to reply for a day or you're not going to reply for some time
or you're going to reprioritize your other things and it resets this balance and if you,
there's this constant micro movements of, of balance being reset where he's going to
respect you for it, and that's when he naturally comes back and the ebb and flow starts again.
If you're having this problem where men are disappearing after being really committed
and into it, it means the balance at some point is swinging vastly in the other direction.
In other words, you're coming into it with a bit less interest than him or with roughly
equal interest than him, but at some point you're becoming a lot more sold on him than
he is on you. You're always recalibrating. You're always recalibrating. This is what
the high value woman does. She's never fully sold on a man.
There's always things he can do to lose her and he senses that once you swing from a point
of I'm playing hard to get, or maybe not even playing hard to get, just holding a bit of
interest back to I'm so sold on you, there's nothing you could do to ever lose me, you
lose his respect because once there's nothing that he can do to lose you, why would, why
would he work for you? Again, this isn't a playing hard to get thing. This is just a,
I respect myself thing. The high value woman will always put her respect for herself above
her feelings from a man, for a man, she's always challenging and she's always making
him want to come to her, but she's happy to reciprocate interest. She's not holding anything
back. If you're finding yourself, if you're going, I have to say a step behind him. It's
because at your very core. You're feeling like if I match him, he's going to get bored.
High value woman doesn't think like that. She's like, I am his match. Like I will match
him and if he's dumb enough to lose me, I'll lose him too. So really think about that and
go, okay, I'm going to match a guy, but I'm not going to outpace him all of a sudden.
I'm just going to stay with him, respond to him, and he's going to respond to me and I'm
going to be very happy. Oh, Christina and the rest of you, I hope that answers your
question. I hope that gives you an insight into why this happens. Uh, check out Denise's
comment as well. I can't actually remember which video it's in right now, but I'll put
the link to that video in the description below once I've found it. So guys, great questions
this week. Really thought-provoking questions. I really like them, so thank you for sending
them in. Get your next set of questions in, get your next set of questions in. We've got
some awesome videos coming. Uh, lots of exciting stuff happening. Subscribe, subscribe, subscribe,
subscribe, subscribe, subscribe, subscribe. Hit the little bell so that you get notifications
as well. Hit the thumbs up. Let me know you enjoyed the video and I'll see you again on Ask
Mark next week.