♪ "HONEST HEADLINES" ♪ >> JAMES: THIS FIRST HEADLINE
COMES FROM THE "NEW YORK POST."
IT READS, "MEAT MADE OUT OF 'AIR' IS THE LATEST PROTEIN
REPLACEMENT."
THAT'S THE HEADLINE.
( LAUGHTER ) HERE'S A HEADLINE FROM SKY NEWS.
IT READS, "'BORED' MAN JAILED FOR CALLING POLICE AND JUST
THE HONEST HEADLINE SHOULD'VE READ, "BORED MAN ALSO FAILS TO
ENTERTAIN NEW JAIL FRIENDS."
( LAUGHTER ) HERE'S ONE FROM CNN.
IT READS, "SCIENTISTS SAY 'FLUFFY' DINOSAURS USED TO LIVE
AT THE SOUTH POLE."
THAT'S THE HEADLINE.
THE HONEST HEADLINE SHOULD'VE READ, "SCIENTISTS JUST MAKING
STUFF UP NOW."
( LAUGHTER ) HERE'S A HEADLINE FROM FORBES.
IT READS, "A NUTELLA POP-UP HOTEL IS OPENING IN NAPA
VALLEY."
THAT'S THE HEADLINE.
THE HONEST HEADLINE SHOULD'VE READ, "NUTELLING WHAT THEY'LL
THINK OF NEXT."
( LAUGHTER ) THANK YOU, MADAM.
I APPRECIATE IT.
HERE'S A HEADLINE FROM CBS NEWS.
( LAUGHTER ) IT READS, "CITIES BAN NEW
DRIVE-THRUS TO FIGHT CLIMATE CHANGE."
THAT'S THE HEADLINE.
THE HONEST HEADLINE SHOULD'VE READ, "CITIES MAKE PEOPLE DRIVE
EVEN FURTHER TO FIND DRIVE-THRU."
( LAUGHTER ) HERE'S A HEADLINE FROM FOX NEWS.
IT READS, "$3,000 JESUS SHOES FILLED WITH HOLY WATER SELL OUT
WITHIN MINUTES."
THAT'S THE HEADLINE.
THE HONEST HEADLINE SHOULD'VE READ, "JESUS DIED FOR YOUR
SHINS."
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
FINALLY, HERE'S A HEADLINE FROM THE "NEW YORK POST."
IT READS, "STUDY SAYS TOMATO PILLS IMPROVE SPERM COUNT."
THAT'S THE HEADLINE.
THE HONEST HEADLINE SHOULD'VE READ, "FRUIT HELPS NUTS."
THAT WAS "HONEST HEADLINES."
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE LATE LATE SHOW!